


HOME (part 2)

by Incantation67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Illustrated, Kitchen Sex, Life in the bunker, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Nurturing, Self-Harm, Story with Plot, Tattoos, Voyeurism, alcohol use, character injury, demon torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:12:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 73,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incantation67/pseuds/Incantation67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuation of HOME (part 1)...this part begins the same day as HOME (part 1) but follows Sam instead of Dean.  Early in this part of the story, the timelines match up and part 2 stretches well beyond part 1.</p><p>4 years in the writing, this is my love letter to Sam and Dean.  It's what I'd want for these characters who have been in my head and my life for so long.</p><p>Starts in 2018 and stretches to 2043, with most of it taking place during the period of a couple of years.</p><p>Part 1 has photos and part 2 has illustrations.</p><p>All comments welcome.  Thanks for reading.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. HOME (part 2) - chapters 1-6

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for part 2:  
> Part 2 is more explicit than part 1, BUT, the sex is still only one element of the story. Hey, sex is something Sam and Dean deserve to enjoy in this version of the life I want for them! In spite of the warnings, this is mostly a feel-good story. There is violence and demon torture and alcohol use but it's Supernatural! Lots of "language". The character injury fits into the story. There's also lots of domestic time in the bunker in this part.
> 
> Mostly sticks to canon, with a few alterations....for this story, Garth was never turned into a werewolf and Cas is written more as "old Cas" than he is in later seasons (even though this is set in the future) because "old Cas" was the best Cas.
> 
> Disclaimer: Everything is complete fiction. All characters are not mine except for the one original character introduced here in part 2.
> 
> Illustrations (part 2): None of these images are mine. They were all taken from the net and I gave them the illustration treatment in Photoshop.
> 
> Lastly: This has been over 4 years in the writing. This is my love letter to Sam & Dean.  
> I may only have one SPN story in me, but I wanted to tell it. This is what I would want for these characters that have been in my head and my life for so many years.

 Just a note....part 2 will make more sense if you read part 1 first.

1.

September 4, 2018

"It was a good hunt, Sam," said Dean as they toasted with their beers to another job done.  Sam couldn't bring himself to feel a sense of accomplishment though.  This one had really taken it out of him.

Dean could see that Sam wasn't that interested in celebrating.  He took another drink and said, "You had them again last night, didn't you?"

"Yeah," replied Sam, looking down.

Sam had had on and off nightmares for years.  Sometimes they would go long stretches where he'd sleep through the night, but then, almost out of the blue, Dean would wake up to Sam thrashing around in the other bed like he was in a fight for his life.  Dean hated seeing Sam like that.  He always woke him up as quickly as possible even if that meant risking a punch to the jaw as Sam fought his way out of it.

Dean wasn't sure why they'd started again now.

Sam had an idea.  Sam didn't want to think about or talk about that idea though.

Sam cleared his throat, "So, we're headed for Indiana tomorrow then?" he asked.  They had gotten Garth's message.

"I'm headed for Indiana tomorrow," Dean responded.

"What?" asked Sam.

"I'm going to take this one, Sammy," Dean said gently.

"Dean, you're wiped out and beat to hell," Sam argued, "you shouldn't even be driving alone as tired as you are."

"I'll work it out with Garth to take a few days off when I get there," Dean responded.  "You help me drive

until we hit Missouri, then we'll get you some wheels and you can take off and try to get your head together."

"I don't want to go home right now," Sam admitted.

"Yeah; I can see how you might not want to go home," Dean agreed, knowing that sometimes, being at the bunker only meant you had to act as some kind of damn secretary taking calls from everyone needing help with their screwed-up supernatural shit.  "I think you should head up to Bobby's cabin."

Dean expected more protest from Sam, but Sam quietly considered the idea.  Dean was surprised to hear him say, "I think you're right."

"Really?" Dean asked.  'I think you're right' was not something he usually heard from Sam.

"Yeah, I just need to figure some shit out," Sam said with resignation.  "You going to be okay?" he asked Dean.

"Are you kidding me?" Dean asked sarcastically.  "Garth will have my back, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?"

At least that got a chuckle out of Sam.

 

 

2.

Sam had never been able to shake the guilt.  Somewhere, suspended in time, his brother, their brother; Adam, was

locked in the cage with Lucifer while Sam was in the world of the living, going about his life.  Thoughts of Adam haunted him.  And that last case with Dean....the guy who summoned the demon...invited him in...and his brother paid the price for it.  Not that different than what happened with Adam.  It had really hit home for Sam.  He and Dean had great plans to save the world from the apocalypse and they were sure they were the only ones who could do it, the only ones who could take it on and yet it was their brother Adam who ended up suffering the most.  By far.

Seemed like people around him and Dean always paid the price for knowing them or having anything to do with them at all.

The thoughts swirled through Sam's head as he drove the hotwired car, alone, covering the many miles out to Bobby's old cabin.  He needed some solitude.  He wanted to get away.  He actually wanted NOT to think after that last hunt he and Dean went on.  But thinking was all he was doing as he drove through the rain. Thinking so much he was starting to get a headache.  Sam popped a few Excederin and pushed the car to go even faster.  He wanted to get to the cabin so he could start drinking in earnest and THEN maybe he'd finally sleep.

 

 

3.

Sam screamed and yet none of the blank-faced, empty-eyed figures around him seemed to be able to hear.  Yet he was screaming his head off from the pain.  It was hot.  Very hot.  So hot that he smelled what smelled like cooking beef, but he knew it was not beef.  It was human.  Or used to be.  He looked down to see that there were thick, sizzling metal hooks through the flesh of his thighs.  The pain was unbearable and he just wanted to die to be free of it.  But he knew there was no getting free of it.  He was already dead.

Sam woke up gasping for air.  He didn't know where he was for a few seconds until he smelled a familiar earthy smell combined with wood smoke and remembered he was at the cabin.  He had decided to drink until he passed out which he had done successfully.  The nightmare was so vivid and he was drenched in sweat, his heart pounding out of his chest.  He tried to calm himself.  It had been a couple of years since he had had these nightmares, but now they were back with a vengeance.  They were memories of his time in the cage, in hell.  While Lucifer fought Michael, he decided to thank Sam, his ideal vessel, by stashing him in hell for some quality torture time.  Sam felt sick remembering the way he had felt himself slipping away.  The essence of who he was being tortured out of him and he knew that his future would be to become one of those empty, expressionless, blank-faced shells of human beings that had stood there and watched him being tortured with no emotion...that's what he would become in hell unless he himself became a demon.  Lucifer had made all kinds of promises to him...but after he had used Sam's body to get where he wanted to be; into an epic battle with Michael, he discarded him. Lucifer hadn't counted on the fact that stashing what was left of Sam in hell had made it possible for Cas to rescue him.

Sam knew the nightmares were back because of that last hunt he went on with Dean.  Because of the brothers they tried to save and the demon possession.  Because of Adam.

After all this time, was there even anything LEFT of Adam?  The combination of the nightmare and the whiskey and the thoughts about Adam he'd tried to repress as much as possible, all suddenly conspired to send Sam running for the toilet as fast as he could.He barely got there in time, vomiting everything he'd consumed in the last day and then he kept heaving in a cold sweat after everything had left his stomach.  He felt so incredibly sick.But on some level he felt he deserved it.  After dry heaving for another twenty minutes, Sam crawled his way back to his sweat-soaked sheets and fought the urge to call Dean.  It was a reflex, but there was nothing Dean could do to help him and Sam knew it.

 

 

4.

The next day, Sam's head was killing him from the drinking.  But he took it easy and was actually starting to be able to focus his vision a few hours later without the sickening swimming feeling he'd had earlier whenever he tried to open his eyes.  He actually wanted to get a hold of himself.  He needed to be able to read.  He needed to figure out a way to get to Adam.  But reading was probably not in the cards today.  Sam was moving slowly, but he brought in some wood and got a fire going in the fireplace.

Before hell, fires had always relaxed him.  They still did.  Only now, occasionally, he'd hear the loud pop of an expanding pocket of sap inside a log and he's heart would jump with a little jolt of hell PTSD.  He had to get himself together.  He willed the panic back down by trying to control his breathing.  Finally he drifted off to sleep again.

 

 

5.

Sam didn't wake up until well after noon the next day, but he was starting to feel better.  By 3:00 he was sprawled on the too-short couch, surrounded by books and papers, trying to find anything he could in Bobby's old notes (Though many were slightly singed at the edges, he and Dean had saved as much as they could from Bobby's basement years ago and had brought them here to the cabin. Dean said he couldn't stand the smoke smell stinking up the bunker so Bobby's notes had been hibernating here in a small shed out back.  Sam knew the real reason that Dean didn't want the notes in the bunker; he couldn't stand the reminder that there was nothing left of Bobby's house or Bobby aside from these paper relics).   Sam was going back and forth between the notes and, of all things, the Bible. 

It had dawned on Sam, lying awake at 3:00 am after another nightmare, the if he was going to be able to do anything about this; anything about Adam, he would need something more powerful than he had ever used before.  The only person he could think of that was more powerful than he could fathom and who might have an "in" with Lucifer was Jesse.  Granted, he had just been a kid when Sam and Dean first got mixed up with him, but he had to be the most powerful being Sam had ever encountered.  Sam poured through the Bible...all about how the Antichrist would be a charismatic world leader who would seduce people into following him.  But Jesse was only 18 now.  No way he'd be a world leader.

How the hell would Sam ever find him and once he found him, what the hell would he do with him -

Sam jumped when the phone rang.  Who in the world would be calling here?  No one outside of him and Dean even knew about this place....hell, Sam didn't even know the place HAD a phone number.

Sam just about jumped out of his skin when he heard "Hey, this is Bobby, you know what to do at the beep, idjit."  No one had ever disconnected the old answering machine.  Bobby spent time up here after Rufus' death.  But to Sam's knowledge no one had ever CALLED the place when he and Dean were there.  He got up and started searching for the answering machine in the kitchen.  The machine beeped, ready to take the message and whoever was onthe other end hung up.

"Ha!" said Sam, to one-one in particular as he dug the answering machine out from beneath a dusty old phone book under the counter.  Amazing this old thing still worked.  But then, more worked in the cabin than didn't since Bobby, paranoid survivalist that he was, had rigged the entire place with solar panels and it had its own well, so it was completely off the grid. 

Sam felt like an idjit himself when he jumped again as the phone rang right next to him.  Someone was calling AGAIN?  He had been sure it was just a wrong number.  He let the answering machine play its message and, this time, knowing what to expect, felt a sharp pain somewhere around his heart when he heard Bobby's voice.  God, he really missed him.  Still.  After all this time.  Bobby always cared for him and Dean...really cared for them...he -

Sam shook himself out of this thoughts about Bobby just as the message ended and he practically jumped for the phone, hoping whoever called was still there.  He had to find out who was calling Bobby at this number that he'd never known existed.

"Hello?" said Sam.

There was silence and Sam was pretty sure he'd been too late and the other person had already hung up.

"Sam?" came a woman's voice on the other end of the line.   Sam could not have been more shocked if Rufus or Bobby had actually walked in the door and handed him a beer at that moment.

"Uh, yeah, who is this?" Sam asked, almost scared to find out.

"Sam, it's Jody....Sheriff Mills," came the voice at the other end of the line.

Sam let out his breath and smiled.  "Hey Jody; what in the hell are you doing calling this number?  Shit, I didn't even know this cabin HAD a number!  But it is really good to hear your voice."

"You too Sam," said Jody. It sounded to Sam like she was smiling. "It's been so long.  You're going to think I'm insane, but sometimes I just call this number to hear Bobby's voice; you know; on the machine."

Sam's eyes stung a bit.

"Yeah, when that machine answered it scared the crap out of me," admitted Sam.

Jody pictured huge, strong, fearless Sam Winchester jumping out of his skin at the sound of the answering machine and she couldn't help but laugh out loud, which made Sam laugh.  Wow, it felt good to laugh.

"I wish I could have seen that!" Jody said.

When they stopped laughing Sam admitted quietly, "If I'd known this machine was here, I think I would have called it once in awhile just to hear him too."  He kinda wished he could put his arms around Jody right now. 

Sam thought he could hear her sniffle a little.  They both completely understood each other where Bobby was concerned. Instead of digging any deeper, Sam asked, "So you're not calling because you're in trouble then?"

"No," said Jody.  "For all I knew the roof of that place was falling in. I thought it was completely abandoned.  Except for the fact that those solar panels still work and, well, you know what Bobby was like."

"Yeah, yeah I do," said Sam, feeling that twinge again.

"It's so good to hear your voice," Jody said.

"Yours too," Sam replied.  He meant it.

"Give that brother of yours a hug for me, okay?" Jody asked.

"I can do that," Sam responded.

"Take care, Sam," Jody said before hanging up.

"You too," Sam replied as the line went quiet.  
   
   
   
   


6.

When Sam lost himself in research, he really lost himself.  On the second day of digging into anything he could find out about the Antichrist he realized he was starving.  _'Fuck,'_ he said to himself as he surveyed the empty kitchen cabinets.  The only thing left in the fridge was beer. 

Sam sighed and resigned himself to making a supply run.  He brushed his teeth and ran some water through his hair.  Kinda greasy-looking now but not like anyone in the mountain town he was driving to would notice.  With his 3-day scruff he looked pretty much like every other guy who lived up in the mountains.

It was later than he wanted to get going, but he was out of food. No choice but to go.  Sam locked the cabin, stashed the key back under the brick on the side of the house, and headed for town.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Three hours later, Sam returned with grocery bags.  He fumbled with the key in the lock.  Why the hell hadn't he thought to leave a light on?It was blacker than black out here at night.

Sam stumbled inside because, of course, he had tried to carry all the bags in at once and they were incredibly awkward. 

As he closed the door and reached for the kitchen light switch he heard the distinctive, soft "click" of a safety coming off.

Sam froze.

"Put the bags down and don't move," came a voice from somewhere in the middle of the room.  Sam's mind raced.  He didn't even have his fucking gun on him, _'how could I have been so stupid?!'_ he mentally chastised himself.  And was he hearing right? It sounded like a woman.

Sam flicked on the lights and slowly set down the bags, putting his hands up to indicate surrender.

"Turn around," said the voice, "Slow."

Sam complied and squinted to see across the room.  He could make out a woman pointing a handgun at him using the back of the couch as cover.  He couldn't see much of her but he could make out dark hair and caramel-colored skin.

"Now tell me something," the woman continued, "why the fuck are you living in my house?"

"YOUR house?!" Sam asked with disbelief.

"That's right," she said.  "This place belonged to my dad, rest his soul."

"No fucking way," Sam couldn't help himself, "Your dad was Bobby Singer?"  Sam's eyes were wide.

The woman looked momentarily caught off-guard.  "You knew Bobby Singer?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Sam, "he practically raised me and my brother.  He never mentioned you."

"You don't know the first thing about me," she said, "and Bobby wasn't my dad," she said.

"Well this was Bobby's cabin," Sam stated.

"It was Rufus' first," she countered.

"Rufus?" Sam really couldn't believe this, "You're Rufus' daughter?!"

"Yeah, who the hell are you?" she asked.

"Sam.  Sam Winchester."

"I don't know anyone by that name.  Dad talked about a John Winchester, but - " she was cut off by Sam.

"John was my dad," he said quietly.  "Can I put my hands down now?" Sam asked.

The woman lowered the pistol giving Sam silent permission.

"Okay then," said Sam, still cautious.  "Are you a hunter?" he asked her.

"No," she actually chuckled a bit, "I'm definitely not a hunter."

"Then what's with the Glock?" Sam asked.

She regarded him with slight admiration.  He knew his firearms.  "I have it for protection because, oh, I don't know, sometimes a Sasquatch might decide to break into my house."

"Looks like a hunter's gun to me," said Sam, not sure if he should trust this woman in the slightest.

She sighed.  "This 9 mil is the sum total of my inheritance from my absentee father," she said with defiance.  "Probably the most useful thing he ever gave me.  Well, that and this cabin."

"What's your name?" asked Sam.

"Walker," she replied.

"I mean your first name," he continued.

"That IS my first name," she said.

"Walker Turner?" Sam questioned.

"Make fun of it and I might reconsider letting you put your hands down," she said.

"Okay, okay," Sam said in mock surrender.  "Sorry.  So you knew Bobby?" Sam asked, still standing at a safe distance.

"Yeah; 'Uncle Bobby'," she responded like it was a known fact.

"I can't believe he never mentioned you," said Sam.

"Well, what can I say," Walker said with slight sarcasm, "the man was a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a bottle of Jack."

Sam smiled.  Well, she did know Bobby after all.  He still wanted to test her a bit, "How many languages could Bobby speak?" Sam asked.

"Uh, Egyptian, Sanscrit, he could read Cuneiform...."  she started listing.

"And?...."

"And what?  He could read all the ancient languages and speak most of them too," she remembered.

"Did you know he spoke Japanese?" questioned Sam.

"You're kidding me!" she responded; forgetting to be wary.

"Nope; totally fluent," said Sam.

"Damn," Walker said, as her eyes looked a bit distant.  Sam recognized that look instantly.  It was the "remembering Bobby" look.

"How the hell did you get here?" Sam asked.

Walker tilted her chin to the west, "My car's parked about a half mile up the logging road.  When I realized that someone was squatting in my house I thought I should at least try for the element of surprise,"  She smiled.  Finally.  "Only I was surprised that whoever broke in was interested in these old books," she gestured to the pile of books Sam had left on the coffee table.

"Research," Sam said simply.

"What kind?" Walker asked with a raised eyebrow.

Sam ignored the question.

"Hey," began Sam, "I'm completely starving and I just had to drive 45 minutes each way to get this stuff..."

"You think I'm letting you stay?" Walked asked.  Sam couldn't tell if she was trying to be menacing or teasing.

"Maybe you'll let me earn my keep at least," Sam was going to go with 'teasing'.  "I was going to make chili," he said as he picked the bags up off the floor and set them on the counter.

Suddenly, Walker looked tired.  "That actually sounds really good, Sam Winchester," she said.

 

 


	2. HOME (part 2) chapters 7 - 11

7.

"Where'd you learn to make chili like that?" asked Walker when they were done with dinner..."it tastes like -"

"Bobby's" said Walker just as Sam said, "Bobby" at the same time.  They looked at each other and laughed.

"So tell me," said Sam, feeling a lot better now that he'd finally had some food and a couple of beers in him, "if you're not a hunter, what do you do?"

"Arts and antiquities," Walker replied.

"Dealer?" asked Sam.  Bela had been dead for a decade, but she had made a big impression.

"Academic, actually," said Walker.  "I was halfway through a double Ph.D. in medieval literature and art history with a minor in Biblical mythology when Rufus died and the checks stopped coming.  I had to drop out."

Sam had noticed she didn't call him "dad" very often. " 'Biblical mythology'?" asked Sam arching his eyebrow.  "You know, most people don't think of it as mythology."

"Yeah, well," said Walker, "I'm not like most people."

Sam was starting to understand that.  He wasn't done testing her; not yet.  He looked at her with an expression that she correctly took as a slight challenge, " 'M Agrippa L F Cos' -" he started.

"Terium Fecit," Walked finished, "the inscription on the Pantheon.  Easy one," she smiled.  "Anything else you want to ask me?" she asked, challenging him right back.

Sam shook his head.  He definitely felt like he'd been put in his place.  Then he quickly did the math...when Rufus died..."So you had to leave school over 9 years ago..." Sam left it an open-ended question.

"I never stopped working on my doctorate if you're thinking I'm some kind of dropout," she said defensively.

"No, I never meant to suggest - " Sam sputtered.

Walker held up her hand, "Sorry, it's just a bit of a sore spot with me," she admitted.  "When I couldn't afford the tuition anymore I spent a few years working as an assistant curator at Princeton's museum - "

"Princeton?!" Sam couldn't contain his surprise or the fact that he was seriously impressed.

"Yeah, I thought I might be able to work there, get some financial aid...but I didn't exactly have the kind of background or 'stable history' that the financial aid people are looking for," she looked down.  "It didn't work out.  Since then I've been a professional anything-you-can-think-of...research assistant, editor, library volunteer, and, oh yeah, currently a graveyard shift bakery worker...it pays some of the bills and gives me more time for reading and research during the day."

"I'm really sorry you had to leave Princeton," said Sam.  This he understood.  Completely.  "I still can't get over the fact that you knew Bobby and I never knew anything about you.  Did you live with your mom?"

"My mom died when I was two," Walker said quietly.  "Demon possession," she added matter-of-factly and without any prodding.

Sam knew how Bobby met Rufus.  Now he realized that Rufus and Bobby both shared the same awful history and both of their wives, or at least Walker's mom, had met the same fate.  No wonder they had been so close.

"I was raised by my grandmother," said Walker.  "My mom's mom.  She died when I was nineteen.  Natural causes, thank God."

Sam actually reached out and put his hand on Walker's arm.  At first he thought she'd accept what he intended to come across as a comforting gesture, but she cleared her throat and picked her arm up, shrugging off Sam's hand, and ran her fingers through her hair instead.  
  
"So how about you?" she asked.  "Hunter born and bred?"

"Pretty much," said Sam.  He had no idea why he was suddenly wanting to open up to this stranger.  But she had known Bobby...that meant she wasn't really a stranger, right?  "I started college, but had to leave before I got my bachelor's."

"Where?" she asked with absentminded curiosity.

"I was slumming it as Stanford," Sam said.

Now it was her turn to be impressed.  "I've never met another hunter's kid who went to college," she admitted.

"Well, I never finished," admitted Sam, "so I guess I am a real hunter after all, huh?"

"Sam," she said looking directly at him, "Bobby was one of the most incredibly intelligent people I ever knew.  There were professors at Princeton who couldn't hold a candle to him.  Hunter does NOT equal stupid."

Sam felt his cheeks burning with a bit of embarrassment (he would never in a million years mean to malign Bobby) and a bit of affection for just having SOMEONE else who got it.  Finally.

"So what's with all the research?" Walker asked, looking back over at Sam's pile of books.  "I don't mean to pry, but, well, research is kind of my thing."

Sam didn't want to tell her what he was really going for.  "I'm trying to find out more about high-level demons and those that are close to Lucifer.  Just seeing what the lore says about how to track them down."

"Any particular demon?" Walker asked.  Sam felt like she could tell he was being vague on purpose.

"I was hoping to find something on the Antichrist," _'what the hell,'_ thought Sam, _'she doesn't know WHY I'm looking.'_

"The Antichrist, huh?" Walker got up and went over to the pile of books to see what Sam had pulled for research.  "Where'd you get all these old books?" Walker asked.

"They were Bobby's," Sam replied quietly.  "My brother Dean and I got them out of his house after, well, you know, after the fire."

"You brought them with you?" she asked.

"No; they've been locked up in the shed out back for years," Sam admitted.  "I know, not the best place to store a book, but they were so far gone anyway after the fire."

"I never looked out in that old shed," Walker admitted.  "I would have if I'd known these babies were out there."

"Yeah?" asked Sam, glad she didn't think he'd just tried to save a bunch of trash, "you think there's anything valuable in these?"

"Are you kidding me?" asked Walker in awe.  "These things are rare as hen's teeth.  You're a hero for saving them, even if they are in pretty bad shape."

Sam smiled. 

 

 

 

8.

It was weird having someone in the cabin with him who wasn't Dean, but Sam was fascinated by Walker.  He had gone overboard to be a complete gentleman in every way.  Tonight, he walked into the cabin's single main room with damp hair after his shower (he had made sure to tell her to go first; he didn't want the hot water to run out on her) and noticed that her hair was already dry.  Guess he'd stayed in there longer than he thought.  No wonder the water was starting to get a bit cool there at the end.  Walker was sitting curled up on the couch, reading with her intense, full attention; one of Bobby's books she'd pulled out of the box that Sam had brought in.  It had singed page edges like almost all of the books from Bobby's.  Sam happened to know that one was in Aramaic because he could barely read a word of it. 

He watched her absentmindedly chew on the end of a pen that she was using to take notes in a notebook sitting next to her.  She worked her lips around the pen as she concentrated.  She sensed Sam enter the room and said, "I might have something for you here..."  Suddenly, she looked up at Sam.  He quickly turned his head, not wanting her to see he'd been staring. 

"Good shower?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah," Sam mumbled.

"What?" she asked, wondering why he was suddenly rather incoherent.  She looked at him over her black-rimmed glasses.

Before he knew what he was saying, Sam said, "I was just thinking, 'lucky pen'," and as soon as it came out of his mouth he felt like the biggest idiot who had ever lived.  He prepared mentally to be told it was time for him to leave.

"You think so, huh?" Walker asked.  Smiling.  And what the hell was she doing...Sam realized she was twirling the pen around with her tongue now.  Oh my God, she was actually teasing him.  The look in her eyes looked like a challenge. 

Sam had no clue what to do.  Luckily, Walker did.

She carefully set down the fragile book with her glasses and the pen on top of it and walked over to Sam.  For two people who possessed a stellar vocabulary, not a single word was said.  She reached up and put a hand behind Sam's neck.  He leaned down and she kissed him.  Tentatively at first, then he got the full benefit of that tongue that had been driving him crazy a minute before.  He backed up to the couch and pulled her down on top of him.  They made out like teenagers.  She could definitely feel him under her and could feel that no matter how much of a gentleman he was trying to be, his body was betraying him.  She reached down and touched him through his jeans and Sam drew his breath in sharply.  He reached down and grabbed her wrist. She looked at him with surprise.

"Are you sure?" he asked. 

"No," she responded, "but I thought this might be okay," and she opened up his fly and started stroking him.  "Yes?" she asked.

Sam was kind of out of his mind, "God, yes," he responded.

She was good with her hands.

It didn't take long, and Sam came hard.  After he collapsed back onto the couch, he looked up at her.  She was smiling with satisfaction.  The noises she had been making had easily and way too quickly pushed him over the edge.  "Can I - ?" questioned Sam - he was not going to leave her hanging, but she leaned down and kissed him and whispered, "I'm good."

Sam looked at her, questioningly, "You mean you already - "

"Uh, huh," she admitted, "you looked so good under me...I couldn't wait."

Well, she did say she wasn't like other people.  If she got that turned on just by stroking him...

He put his arms around her and kissed her, "Then can I get a rain check?" he asked.

"As long as I can cash that check sooner rather than later," she said suggestively.  Talking about what they had just done and the fact that they might be doing more in the future was making her heart speed up and her breath come more quickly.  That, and the kiss he'd just given her had flooded her with warmth all over again.  New plan.

"Like when?" he asked, smiling.

"Like now," she whispered and Sam didn't need any further encouragement.  He rolled her over so he was on top, propped up on his elbows above her and he started kissing down her body, pulling off her thin cotton pajama bottoms as he went.

He was good with his tongue.

Tasting her and feeling her moving in rhythm as he cupped her ass with his hands, Sam felt himself getting hard again and he could feel her getting closer to letting go.

Suddenly, he felt her hand on the side of his face and he looked up, she was pulling him up.  Sam looked at her, breathless.

"I want to feel you," she barely gasped out.

Sam quickly said, "I want to...but I don't have any..."

"Protection?" she finished, "me neither...let's just go with this...come on, me on top."

Sam wrapped her in his arms and they readjusted as quickly as possible so he was under her.  She began sliding up and down his smooth, hard, considerable length.  Sam gasped as he felt her wet heat as she ground herself down onto him.  He wanted to be inside her so badly, but this worked too.  He thrust up onto her and she slid down onto him and they moved together until he felt her come onto him in a rush of heat and a primal groan.  That pushed him over the edge and with an, "Oh God, I'm gonna - " he came onto his stomach between them with a surge.

They were both breathing hard when Sam hauled her into a deep kiss.  "God, you feel so good," she breathed into his ear.

Sam caressed her breasts as she put her head on his chest as she grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the side table and cleaned off his stomach.  This was definitely what Sam needed.  He was very glad Dean had encouraged him to go up to the cabin.

"You think there's any hot water left?" Walker asked.

"Ladies first," responded Sam.  They would definitely both be needing another shower.

"No," she said, getting up and tugging on Sam's hand to pull him up with her, "come with me."

"Already did," said Sam playfully.

She laughed and pulled Sam along behind her to the bathroom.  Sam enjoyed the view.  They scrubbed each other off, each letting their hands linger wherever they wanted.  It was definitely the most sensual night of non-intercourse that Sam had ever had. 

They shared the bed that night and Sam finally felt relaxed.  He hadn't even had anything to drink, and for the first time in the last few weeks, arms wrapped around Walker sleeping in front of him, he didn't have any nightmares.  
  
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The next morning, Walker woke Sam up with a kiss which startled him until he remembered the night before.  Sam smiled. Walker smiled back.

"Any regrets?" she asked.

"Not a single one," Sam responded.

"Me neither," Walker said.  Her eyes looked serious.  Sam pulled her close to him.

"We got a little distracted last night," she said coyly.  "I never got to tell you what I found."

"What'd you find?" Sam asked, suddenly extremely interested.

"A locating spell," she responded proudly.  "It's in Aramaic, but I can translate for you, or teach it to you in the original."

"You'd do that?" Sam asked.  Seriously impressed.  Again.  And more than a little turned on.  Damn, she was smart.

"Sure," she said. 

"How will I ever thank you for all of your hard work?" Sam asked playfully. 

"Well, breakfast would be a great start," she responded.

"I'm on it," Sam said as he started to get out of bed, only to find Walker trying to hold him back.  He looked at her.  "Breakfast?" he questioned.

"No breakfast," she said, "yet..."

She was all over him.  He wasn't complaining. 

About an hour later, when he placed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of her on the coffee table, she smiled up gratefully from her seat on the couch.  "God, I'm starving," she said.  Sam joined her with is own plate.  She grabbed a piece of bacon off of it, "Hey!" Sam protested.

"I don't come cheap," she teased. 

Sam smiled wickedly, "but you do come for me."  Sam had no idea where this was coming from.  He'd been nothing but serious and moody for much of the last couple of years.  He couldn't remember the last time he felt at all willing to be this playful with someone.

Walker actually blushed.  Then leaned in to kiss Sam.  She tasted like bacon.

"You're going to be the death of me," she breathed in sharply. "Okay, c'mon, let me show you what I found."  She tried to get down to business.  As they read over the locating spell Sam put an arm around her and she leaned into him.  It felt good.  Really good.

When they took a break, Sam asked, "How long will be you be staying?"

"I only get one more day, then I have to be back at work," she said regretfully. 

"Well, we'll just have to make the most of it then," Sam responded.  Walker nodded in agreement and laid her head on his shoulder.

Sam was glad she never asked if he planned to use the spell or why he wanted it.  Walker loved teaching just for the sake of learning and she reveled in teaching Sam some Aramaic.

 

 

 

 

9.

Walker hadn't been gone long and the cabin already felt colder without her there even though Sam still had the fire going in the fireplace.  He was already contemplating calling her.  He was startled to hear his cell phone ring, but the caller ID wasn't Walker.

Sam picked up on the second ring, "Dean, are you okay?" were the first words out of his mouth.

They always answered the phone this way when they were working different jobs.  Even apart, the other brother's safety was the first thing on their minds.

"Hey Sammy, I'm okay," answered Dean.  "You okay?"

"I think so," responded Sam, "at least I'm sleeping better than I was when I got here.  I think I figured some shit out."

Sam heard Dean breathe out in relief, "Why don't you tell me about it," Dean asked with sincerity.

"I will," said Sam, "but first tell me why you called.  I've been kinda worried about you, man.  It's been a week."

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry I didn't call sooner," apologized Dean. Then the line went silent and Sam wondered if his phone had dropped the call.  It could be difficult to get a strong signal all the way out here.

"You still there?" Sam asked.

Sam heard Dean take a deep breath.  "I've been with Lisa," he said.

Sam had been expecting a report on how the hunt with Garth was going.  But this...he leaned back on the couch in stunned silence.

"Sam?" asked Dean.

"How?" asked Sam.  He was not even trying to hide his dismay.

"I didn't go looking for this," Dean stated, "but it turns out I had some shit to figure out too."

Sam was irritated and more than a little confused.  Mostly he was just pissed that Dean hadn't called him sooner with this rather earth shattering revelation, but he tried to set that aside and just listen. Dean was calling now, after all.  Dean hadn't been 100% since he had decided that Lisa and Ben shouldn't have any memory of him, but Sam had never expected Dean to find them again.  When Dean made up his mind, it usually stayed that way.  Dean's need for them had to be undeniable for Dean to have done this.  Because if Dean could possibly deny something, he would.

Dean told Sam about how he ran into Lisa in the bar, and how he tried, he really, really tried to walk away but he just couldn't.  Of course he'd gone home with her.  Sam didn't need to hear the details to know Dean had probably spent several days being in danger of nothing more than dehydration.  Dean's stories about sex with Lisa had always been barely believable when he insisted on sharing them.  Or it had been that way until seven years ago.  For the past seven years, Dean had not mentioned Lisa once and Sam had respected Dean's ominous request never to bring up her name.

But it wasn't just Lisa; Dean had seen Ben too, and talked to him, and, for Christ's sake, kind of gone hunting with him!  What the fuck was Dean thinking????  Sam listened to Dean tell him about Lisa selling her soul (without even knowing it... _'how does someone even DO that?'_ wondered Sam) and how Cashelped Dean figure it out.  Dean had barely been able to get to Lisa before she was nearly raped by a demon and now everyone had their memories back and Sam wondered where in hell they were all going to go from here.  Though Sam was starting to feel his head spin a bit from this unexpected information avalanche (really, all of this happened to Dean in the last WEEK?!  He should have beenthere…), he knew that what Dean needed now was not a lecture. He needed Sam.  And, like always, Sam was going to be there for him.

"So, this Charlotte bitch," started Sam, "when are you leaving for Tulsa?"  He knew Dean would not want to talk about feelings and also recognized that it had taken some courage on Dean's part to call him at all.

"Day after tomorrow," confirmed Dean.  "Can you meet me?"

"I can be at the bunker in two days," promised Sam.  "Pick me up on the way?"

"See you there," Dean sounded visibly relieved.  He needed Sam on this one.  Sam knew it.

"Okay, so what'd you figure out up there at our 4-star retreat?" Dean asked.

"We'll talk on the drive," said Sam.  "And we're not done talking about this Lisa thing either," Sam said in a tone that he hoped made Dean understand that he was not going to just let this go.

"Yeah, okay," said Dean, resigned.  "It's good to hear your voice, Sammy," Dean finished.  Sam could hear the sincerity.

"You too, man." Sam responded.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jesus fucking Christ," Sam said aloud to the empty room after he ended the call.  He would have liked another day at the cabin, but Dean needed him.  Sam started getting everything together including all of his notes and the notes that Walker had left for him from the book in Aramaic.  He slipped two of Bobby's books on religion into a zip lock bag and sealed it up so the smoke smell would be contained.  He set about putting out the fire, shutting off the water and setting the primitive furnace to low before closing up the rest of the place.  He had his stuff packed in a matter of minutes.  Sam was glad he had a couple days drive ahead of him.  He needed some time to process everything Dean had just told him.

Sam looked around the cabin one more time before leaving.  He took a deep breath.  Sam left the answering machine exactly the way he had found it.  'For Jody', he thought.

For himself.

The faded number on the front of the phone that Sam had unearthed in the cabin was now securely ensconced in Sam's wallet...written on a piece of slightly smoky-smelling scrap paper.

 

 

 

 

 

10.

Sam pushed open the door to the bunker.  He'd beaten Dean there so he threw his bag on the table and started gathering up everything he and Dean would need in Tulsa.  About half an hour later he heard the door open and Dean was calling out, "Honey, I'm home!"

Sam smiled.  Now that Dean was there, it felt like home. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11.

Fifteen minutes later, the Impala hummed down the two-lane headed west.  Sam glanced over at Dean and noticed how happy he looked.  A normal person, driving into Lord knows what kind of evil, the way they were right now, would be scared shitless, but Dean was a hunter through-and-through.  He was completely in his element.  Sam thought he looked almost...giddy.  Dean noticed Sam looking at him and smiled back.

"So what's the plan?" asked Sam.

"Nuh-uh," Dean replied.  "You first.  What happened up at the cabin?"

"Okay, but when I'm done we're not just talking about the hunt," said Sam, reminding Dean that they were still going to talk about Lisa.

Sam started by telling Dean about the nightmares.  Dean looked almost ill for a second, hearing what Sam had been going through.  Sam told him that he thought these flashbacks were because of the last hunt they'd been on and how he thought it all led back to his time in the cage with Lucifer and Michael, and then in hell when Lucifer had stashed him there.

Sam managed to get a laugh out of Dean though when he told the story of being held at gunpoint.  Well, Dean laughed before he gave Sam a bunch of shit for going anywhere without at least one firearm.

Dean was incredulous, "You gotta be fucking kidding me!  Rufus has a DAUGHTER?!"

"Yeah," confirmed Sam, echoing Dean's disbelief, "I couldn't believe it either, and get this, Bobby knew about her!"

"No..." Dean trailed off looking over at Sam.

"Yeah, he was 'Uncle Bobby' to her too," Sam continued.

"Shit," was all Dean could say.  "So is she a hunter?"

"Definitely not," responded Sam.

"What then?" asked Dean.

"She's an art and antiquities expert -" Sam began

"Like Bela?" Dean asked warily. 

"No, no, not like that," said Sam.

"Then, like Indiana Jones?" Dean asked sounding hopeful.

"No, not quite," laughed Sam, "She's an academic."

"I have no clue what that even means," said Dean, "An academic what?"

"Like a professional researcher," Sam explained.

"Shit, Sammy, she sounds perfect for a nerd like you," teased Dean.  Dean immediately noticed that Sam got quiet.  "Wait a minute....Sam, you didn't....you didn't fuck her, did you?"

"No, not exactly," Sam responded honestly.

"Oh my God, you did.  You fucked Rufus' daughter!"  Dean slapped his knee and gave Sam's arm closest to him a shove.  "Just hope you used protection, Sammy," Dean teased.

"That's the thing...neither of us had anything so..." Sam was trying to be vague.

"Bareback, Sammy?!  Jesus, I thought I taught you better than that," Dean actually sounded annoyed.

"Yeah, and I'm sure you and Lisa stopped by the drugstore on the way back to her house, right?" Sam asked sarcastically. "Thought so," Sam said, when Dean remained quiet.  His brother was such a hypocrite.  "Not that it's any of your business AT ALL, but we didn't actually have sex, okay?  We did everything else, but not that," Sam knew he was going to regret even giving Dean that much detail.

"Aw...saving yourself for marriage," teased Dean.

"Shut up," groused Sam.

After a few seconds of silence, Dean couldn't help but ask, "So, whatever the fuck the two of you did... good?"

"Really good," responded Sam.  Dean noticed Sam sounded content when he said it.  Sam felt his face getting a little warm just thinking about it.

"Can't wait to meet someone who can make you blush like that," said Dean with a sideways glance at Sam.  

"Yeah, like I'm going to let her meet you," Sam replied.

"So this Walker chick was able to just fuck, or whatever the hell you did, the nightmares right out of you?" Dean asked with curiosity.

"No," said Sam, "but she helped me."

"Oh I'll bet she did," Dean said suggestively.

"Could you NOT act like a 12 year old for one fucking minute?" implored Sam.

"Sorry," said Dean, trying to be serious.

"She can read Aramaic, okay?" said Sam. "She found a locating spell in one of Bobby's old books."

"A locating spell for what?" asked Dean.

"For Jesse," replied Sam.

"Who?" Asked Dean.

"Jesse," Sam said again.  "You, me, and Cas ran into him a long time ago - "

"Jesse...the fucking ANTICHRIST Jesse?!" Dean's voice rose.

"Yeah," said Sam quickly before Dean could light into him, "I think it's the only way."

"The only way to do what, Sam, fucking get yourself killed?!" Dean was almost yelling in disbelief.

"I think it's the only way to get Adam out," Sam finished.

"No way in hell," Dean responded. "Anything to do with that kid; it's too dangerous.  I can't let you do that."

"It's the only way Dean," said Sam with conviction.  "I've thought this through.  And since when do you decide what I can and can't do?" Sam had already made up his mind. 

Dean glared at Sam.

"You can glare at me all you want," said Sam, "but don't worry, I'm not an idiot.  I'm not going to rush into this.  I have a lot more planning to do.   And you don't have to be involved at all."

"Like hell!" responded Dean.  "It's not like I'm letting you do this alone!"

Sam had counted on Dean acting like he always did.  Even if he didn't like the plan, he couldn't stand to stay away where hunting and Sam were involved. 

"Maybe we can figure out something else," Dean offered.

"Well, we've got time and I'm definitely not going in with guns blazing," said Sam. "I actually don't think guns would do much good anyway," he finished.

"Yeah," agreed Dean, "and that's what makes me so damn uncomfortable."

They both sat there in silence for a few minutes thinking about the probably insurmountable task that Sam was planning to attempt.

"Your turn," said Sam finally, "what's the plan when we get to Tulsa?"

Dean told Sam what he'd been thinking.

Sam thought the plan was a bit short on specifics, but they always figured it out. 

"Okay, that's a start," said Sam.

"What do you mean 'that's a start'?" asked Dean, giving Sam a sideways look.  "It's a great plan!"

"Yeah, okay, it's a perfect plan," agreed Sam sarcastically. 

There was silence again for a few minutes then Sam said, “Lisa. Talk to me."

Of course Dean tried to dodge the question, wanting to talk about the plan some more after all, but Sam didn't let him.

Dean tried to make it sound like it was because of his own weakness...because he could just never let go of the memories of the time he'd had with them, even if that would have been the best thing for everyone involved.  Dean actually thought he should have been strong enough to have asked Cas to wipe Lisa and Ben from his memory too...but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Sam pointed out that Dean had only stuck around and figured out that Lisa was in real danger because he still had his memories of her and knew how important she was to him.  Because of that, he couldn't treat her like just another one night stand.  Not only that, but now Ben knew that Dean hadn't abandoned him because he didn't care about him.  None of that would have happened if Dean had allowed Cas to erase his memories too.

When Dean reached out and roughed up Sam's hair, Sam complained, but he knew that was Dean's way of saying thanks.  Dean was never going to change, but it was one of Sam's missions in life to try to get Dean to see himself the way others saw him.  Sam thought he might have made some progress in that direction with Dean today as they drove west into the setting sun.

 

 


	3. HOME (part 2) chapters 12 - 20

12.

The hunt in Tulsa went mostly according to plan.  Except for the part where Sam almost got his ankle broken.  And the part where Dean didn't tell Sam that he planned to call up his torture skills from his time in hell.  And the part where Dean exorcised a demon and sent it to fucking heaven.  _'Jesus Christ,'_ thought Sam as he sat propped up on the motel bed eating the chili Dean had brought from Ron's in a Styrofoam take-out cup, his elevated and swollen ankle freezing under a plastic bag of ice...they had come much closer to disaster than he realized at the time.  Sam thought that Dean had been able to do a better job of putting his time in hell behind him.  It had taken years for Dean to be as okay as he was now.  It worried Sam that Dean had been able to call that shit up so easily.  But the fact that he was willing to even go there spoke volumes to Sam about how much Lisa and Ben still meant to him...he cared about them so much that he wasn't satisfied just to get the job done, he had to get some revenge in the process.

But now that the danger has passed, Dean was chowing down on a burger like he'd never eaten before.  He looked over at Sam and smiled and Sam felt like everything was okay again.  For now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean didn't let Sam do a thing to pack up the next morning; treating him and his twisted ankle as if he were made out of porcelain.  Sam complained about feeling useless, but he let Dean take care of him.  His ankle hurt like a bitch.  He was glad they were heading home.

 

 

 

13.

Their first full day back at the bunker, Sam noticed that Dean was antsy and unsettled.  Usually the bunker was the only place Dean could really and truly relax.  Sam was pretty sure he knew what it was about.  He also knew Dean wouldn't leave him alone while he was still hobbling around.  When Dean made his way back to the kitchen to get yet more ice for Sam's ankle, Sam called Charlie at home.

Dora answered.

"Hi Sam," said Dora warmly.  "How the hell are you?"

"Mostly good," he replied, "but I'm sitting here with an ankle the size of a softball.  We just got back from Oklahoma and a fucking demon got the drop on me before Dean could cuff her."

"Well, the old man's not as fast as he used to be," Dora teased, "You got ice on that ankle?"

"I think I've got frostbite; Dean won't let me take the ice off for one second," Sam complained. 

Dora chuckled, "Well, Dean may have all the charm of a gas station toilet, but he loves you."

"Yeah, and having him hovering over me is driving me crazy," Sam admitted.  "I really think he needs to get out of here for a few days...there's some business he has to wrap up from the last hunt and he won't leave with me laid up like this."

"Say no more," said Dora, "Charlie and Scarlett and I will be there tomorrow, if that's okay."

"That would be great," said Sam, breathing a sigh of relief. 

"We'll take good care of you," she finished.

Sam knew they would.  Sam was already looking forward to it.  He hadn't seen Scarlett in a long time and she was so much bigger every time he saw her.  There was nothing like time with Scarlett to keep Sam living only in the moment and with everything that had been on his mind lately, living in the moment was a welcome relief when he could accomplish it.

"Sam?" he heard Dora, still on the line.

"Yeah?" Sam responded.

"Are you okay?  You sound kind of, I don't know, preoccupied or something," Dora asked.  When Sam didn't reply right away, she asked, "Are the nightmares back?"

"Yeah," Sam confirmed, "but I'm working on it."

"Well, you're not going to work on it alone," Dora said with conviction.

 

 

 

14.

When Sam told Dean that Dean needed to just go to Lisa already, Dean couldn't hide how grateful he was.  When Sam limped over and gave Dean a hug, Dean hugged him so tight he lost his breath for a second.  This was serious.  Sam knew Dean wasn't going to see Lisa in order to say goodbye again. 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Charlie and Dora and Scarlett arrived the next day and the bunker instantly came alive with laughter and the sound of small feet running up and down the corridors.   Dora and Charlie fussed over Sam as badly as Dean did.  Whatever he wanted was in front of him almost before he could even ask for it.  Dean actually spent a couple hours in the kitchen cooking dinner for everyone and they all sat around the large library table eating some amazing roast chicken and mashed potatoes and stuffing (Dean never made salad). They drank and laughed until Scarlett climbed up into Dean's lap and started to fall asleep.  Dora offered to do dishes so Dean and Charlie could talk, and Sam said he was just wiped out and decided to head back to his room.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam sat up on his bed and was finally to take the ice off his ankle now that he was alone.  He pulled out the books and notes from the cabin and started reading where he'd left off.  He was sure he could find more in the Men of Letters library tomorrow.  Soon his eyes were getting heavy and he set the books aside and laid down.  He thought back to how Dean had been when he came home; before they went to Tusla.  He had seemed so happy.  So relaxed.  Sam knew that was because of Lisa and Ben. They had been two pieces of Dean that he'd lost for years.   Sam knew, laying there in the dark, that if Dean was going to ever be truly okay, they had to be part of Dean's life.  Sam also knew that Dean had tried to make a life with them before, but he always left them for Sam.  He had to make Dean understand that he would never put him in the position to make that kind of choice again.  Listening to Dean talk about Lisa while they had driven to and from Tusla, Sam knew.  He knew instinctively that Dean was going to ask her.  He smiled. 

 

 

 

15.

When Sam sprung that knowledge on Dean the next day, Dean appeared shocked.  Sam just grinned; he knew he'd guessed right.  He almost always guessed right when it came to Dean. Dean actually KISSED him on the head as he sat there at the table with his ankle propped up.  Sam was definitely amused (and, honestly, touched) by this monumental display of affection on Dean's part.  It scared Sam a bit, knowing that if things with Lisa went the way Dean hoped, that their lives would change.  But Sam thought that they'd probably change for the better.  That was, if Lisa would take Dean's sorry ass.  It would take someone extraordinary to agree to marry into this, Sam thought.  But Sam was willing to try to make a family out of it.  He hoped Lisa was too.  For Dean's sake.  For everyone's sake really.  Things had been a fractured mess for so long.  It was time to try to make it right.

 

 

 

16.

Sam's phone rang late the next night.

"D" the caller ID said.

Sam didn't even get one word out before Dean poured out in a rush, "She said 'yes' Sammy."

"Well, I guess she's not as smart as I thought she was," Sam teased.  But then he got serious, "Seriously, congratulations, man."

Dean went on to tell Sam how it had all unfolded; not at all as Dean had planned, but in the end, just as Sam thought, it was undeniable.  Lisa and Dean would never be able to say 'no' to each other.

"I still can't believe it," Dean quietly admitted.

"I keep telling you you're worth it, you idiot," Sam tried to break the seriousness he heard in Dean's voice.

"And you know what she said Sammy?" Dean offered.

"What?" asked Sam.

"She said that if this is going to work, we have to figure out how to make some kind of family out of it; all of us," Dean finished, sounding slightly amazed.

"You're kidding," said Sam; God it was almost word-for-word what Sam had said.

"Swear to God," said Dean.  "You really think we can do this?"

"We can do this," Sam responded with more conviction than he felt.

"I just never thought I could have -" Dean started and then sounded like he was getting so choked up he couldn't continue. 

Sam didn't make him finish.  "You can.  We're going to be a Goddamn family, Dean."

Sam could guess that Dean was doing his best to try to get it together, but he was surprised when Dean sighed heavily and continued in a voice that was more cautious than celebratory. "There's more Sam."

Sam didn't like Dean's tone.  "What else?" he asked, trying to sound normal.

"Ben.  Ben's mine.  Ben's my son," stammered Dean.

"Well you always felt like he was your son," reasoned Sam.  This was nothing new.  "Now it's just going to be legal."

"No, Sam, I mean he's MINE.  He's a Winchester.  You're an uncle," Dean finished.

Holy shit. 

"And Lisa never told you...after you were with her for an entire year?!" Sam asked in disbelief.

"She said she didn't want me to stay with them because I had to," said Dean.

'Smart,' thought Sam.  Dean probably would have stayed out of obligation if he'd known.  Sam asked, "Does Ben know?"

"As of a few days ago, yeah," confirmed Dean.  "But I haven't talked to him yet."

"Wow," was all Sam could manage.

"Yeah, no shit," agreed Dean.  Dean wasn't going to let on to anyone that he'd had Charlie run DNA and he knew Charlie would keep it confidential...HIPAA codes and all; and Charlie took all of that confidentiality shit seriously where her job was concerned.  At least she did when she wasn't hacking into Federal databases.  Dean knew he could trust her.  She was always on his side.

"So, what next?" asked Sam.

"I'm bringing her home," said Dean.  Sam thought he sounded so...something Sam had never heard in Dean's voice before...he sounded...content.

"We'll figure it out," Sam reassured him.

The next time Dean spoke he sounded more like himself, "Hey Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"You do realize that I'm not actually going to share her with you, right?" Dean teased.  Nothing was more fun for Dean than trying to get under Sam's skin.

"I can find my own dates, Dean," Sam shot back, but it felt good to play along.

"Your right hand doesn't count as a date," Dean stated.

Sam smirked into the phone.  "Shut up," he said.

"Can't wait to see you Sammy," Dean said before hanging up.

Dean was going to spend a few more days at Lisa's before heading back to Kansas with her. 

Charlie and Dora and Scarlett would be leaving tomorrow.  Sam was getting around a lot better.  Sam wondered if Walker would be willing to make the drive...  


 

  
  
  
  
   
   
17.

The light went off in the bunker indicating someone was at the door.  Sam nervously ran his hand through his hair andclimbed the stairs.  Outside, Walker was standing there, a plastic drug store bag sitting on the ground next to her.  It felt like it had been awhile since their time in the cabin and Sam had no idea what kind of expectations she had.  He didn't have to wonder for long. Walker quickly pressed herself against him and reached up to pull him down into a kiss.  The first kiss was soft, but then she was pressing her tongue into Sam's mouth and Sam responded with a small groan.

Though his eyes were closed, he realized she was pressing something into his hand.  He broke the kiss and looked down to see what it was.  It was a condom.  Sam looked at her in surprise with a smile on his face.  "I figured after last time, well, this time I wasn't going to come unprepared." Walker said with a wicked smile and a glance down at the plastic bag.

Sam smiled knowingly at the double entendre, which got the desired effect out of Walker as she blushed and backed Sam up through the door which closed behind them as they barely stopped kissing long enough to make it down the stairs and onto the table.

Later, Dean would find the condom wrapper shoved up under the leg of the table and roll his eyes and swear he was never going to be able to eat anything off that table again.

When they finally came up for air, a naked Walker let her gaze sweep around the bunker from her vantage point on top of a smiling Sam Winchester, also naked except for his open and barely-on flannel shirt, "God, Sam," she began.

Sam felt a bit of pride at eliciting that response from her.

"This place is amazing!" She finished.

Oh.  Maybe Sam should have reigned in his enthusiasm and tried to make it last longer...he had just been so glad to see her...

"You LIVE here?" Walker asked in amazement.

Sam tried to get over his bruised ego, "Uh, yeah, Dean and I, we found out about this place from our grandfather.  It IS pretty amazing," he conceded.

"You're pretty amazing," Walker smiled down at him.  "You do things to me, Sam," she started to try to explain, but wasn't sure she could.

"There are so many things I want to do to you," Sam responded suggestively.  Sam didn't know where this was coming from on his part.  Walker made him comfortable.  Less uptight and a lot less inhibited.

"And I want us to do every single thing you're thinking about right now," Walker smiled, "but it's not just that," she continued, sounding serious, "you do things to me here," she said as she reached down and took Sam's hand and placed it flat on her chest, between her breasts.

Oh.  Now Sam got it.  He had hoped, but...

Sam reached up with his free hand and gently pushed Walker's hair back from her face.  He thought at that moment that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.  He felt like an idiot to have been so focused on how badly he'd been wanting her.  But he wanted her in more ways than one.

"I feel it too," he said and Walker thought he sounded as vulnerable as she felt.  She also felt a rush of relief. 

Walker laced her fingers through Sam's, taking both his hands in hers.  She stretched his arms above his head, pressing them down onto the table as she kissed him as softly as she knew how. Sam felt a rush of emotion and was glad they both had their eyes closed.  He wasn't sure he was ready for her to see that suddenly he was barely holding it together.  The kissing started to ground him again though and being pinned under Walker was pushing all kinds of buttons for him.  Good ones.

She pulled back for a minute, looking flustered.

"So," she started, sounding uncharacteristically awkward, "do you think, I mean, would it be okay with you if we didn't see anyone else?"

Sam nodded and Walker could see that he was a bit emotional.

She nodded back.  Sam was grateful she understood without him actually saying anything.  Suddenly the table under them felt way too hard.  Sam sat up and pulled Walker close to him.  He silently led her over to the couch and pulled a blanket over them. She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart. He twined his fingers through her hair and held her tight against him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam woke up, surprised he'd been sleeping at all.  Walker had shown up in the middle of the afternoon but he'd just felt so at peace with her there on the couch that they'd both dozed off for about an hour.  Neither of them had moved a muscle.  Sam reached down and stroked up and down her back.  She made contented noises and looked up at him smiling.  "Can I show you around?" Sam asked.

"I'd love that," Walker responded.

 

 

 

18.

Walker really couldn't believe the bunker.  Not only was the library on mythology and folklore and all things Christian and Jewish and any-other-religion-that-exists completely beyond anything she'd ever seen, but there was artwork and there were artifacts and they were all carefully stored and cataloged by some long-ago Man of Letters.  It was truly incredible.  Sam showed her around with pride and reveled in her awe.  He pointed out some of the books he'd found most useful and Walker just innately understood why Sam valued them, and the knowledge that they held, so highly.  Walker had an appreciation for architecture as well and all of the deco touches in the bunker blew her away.  The place was perfect, she thought.  Frozen in time yet it had everything, literally EVERYTHING, one would need.

"Sam, I could start reading here and never finish if I read every day for the rest of my life," she breathed in a reverential tone.

"I know," Sam beamed.  "Really, anything you want, please, help yourself."

Walker smiled up at him slyly.  "I do mean ANYTHING," he said. 

"Good," she replied.  "I would love to take advantage of everything, and everyone, this place has to offer."

Sam pulled her into a kiss, "Well, I'd appreciate it if you didn't take advantage of my brother, but otherwise, mi casa et su casa," Sam teased.

"Yeah, where is your brother?" asked Walker.  "Do I get to meet him?"

"He'll be out for another few days," Sam said.  "Actually, when he gets back, he won't be alone.  He just got engaged," Sam said.  The news still felt new and ill-fitting but he was going to have to start getting used to the idea.

"Engaged?  Really?" Walker responded.  "Hunters don't usually invent ways to tie themselves down like that.  There must be a good story behind this one."

"You have no idea," Sam replied.  "I'll fill you in sometime."

"I look forward to it," she responded.  Walker looked down at one of the tables in the library.  She recognized one of the books from the cabin.  "Have you been working on this stuff some more?  The Antichrist?" she asked.

"Yeah, I've been trying to find out as much as I can," Sam responded.  "I can't thank you enough for that locating spell, and the Aramaic.  I don't think I've got the pronunciation right yet, but maybe you can help me with that some more."

"So what did you want the locating spell for?" Walker asked Sam.

Sam didn't want this to be like other relationships he'd had. He wanted to be honest with her.  It felt so foreign...honesty, but he had to give it a shot.  So he told her.  About the nightmares, about the pit, about Adam.  About Jesse.  She blinked back tears at times.  What Sam was telling her stretched her credibility close to the breaking point, but she was the daughter of a hunter, after all. This sort of weirdness came with the territory.  She knew he wasn't putting her on in any way.

When Sam finished, he looked at Walker, feeling exposed.  He waited for her to protest.  To tell him it was too dangerous.  She didn't.

He couldn't quite believe it. 

Walker realized Sam was waiting for some kind of answer from her.  "Are you waiting for me to try to talk you out of it?" she asked.  Sam wondered if maybe she could read his mind.

"I don't know, yeah, maybe, I guess," Sam stammered.

"Look, don't get me wrong.  If you do this, I am going to be scared to death for you because, honestly Sam, I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."  The mere thought that she could lose this just as it was getting started made her eyes sting. "But," she continued, "you know what you have to do and I just want to make sure you're as ready as possible."

Sam was in awe of this woman.

"I want to make sure you're so fucking ready that you can get through this and come home.  To me," Walker finished.

Now Sam's eyes were burning. He pulled her close, hugging her to him, "Thank you," he said quietly.  Walker really couldn't know how much it meant to him that the only thing she wanted to do was help him make it through intact.

"You may not be thanking me when we're working through our fifth volume of Biblical commentary on the Antichrist," she warned.

Sam laughed.  "I think I'm more scared of your homework assignments than I am of this mission," he joked.

"Yeah, well, you should be," Walker teased, trying to lighten the mood.   "Hey Sam?" she asked.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"Thanks for telling me the truth.  I know that doesn't always come easy to a hunter," Walker said.

"It feels kinda weird," admitted Sam.  "But good."

"Okay then," Walker said, essentially declaring that the ground rules had been laid down. "So....before we get down to work…” She smiled up at Sam and stared straight into his eyes as she slowly started to undo the buttons on her shirt.  Watching her voluntarily undress herself for him drove Sam crazy and he stripped off his own shirt, moving in to just get a hand on her caramel skin.  She held her left arm out straight, pressing her palm against his chest, holding him at arm's length.  He gave her a questioning look.  She smiled a knowing smile as Sam watched her right hand disappear down into her opened jeans.  She closed her eyes and drew her breath in deeply as her hand started moving. Sam stared.  This was so damn hot.  She opened her eyes and ran her left hand down Sam's stomach, undoing the top button on his jeans.  "Now you," she said, with an intake of breath as her other hand continued to move.

"You want me to..." Sam wasn't sure quite what she wanted.

She reached across and took his right hand with her left (her own right hand stayed busy, out of sight), and lead his own hand down to his fly.  "I want to watch you," she said.

Sam was usually way too shy for this, but she was putting on a show for him; it was only fair, after all.  And it was HER and he felt so comfortable with her.Sam dropped down into one of the library chairs.  He slid his hand down and started stroking himself, drawing in his breath sharply at his own touch on his own over-sensitive cock, watching Walker watching him and he couldn't believe how hard this was making him.

"God, Sam," Walker breathed, "you are so Goddamn beautiful."

Suddenly, Sam was already struggling to hold back, "I want you so badly," he said, his voice deep.

Walker nodded quickly in agreement and took off her jeans.  Sam wrestled free of his.  Walker was quickly closing the distance between herself and Sam.  She gently reached out, "show me how you like it," she said.  Sam groaned as she wrapped her hand around him.  He closed his own large hand over hers and started stroking again, setting up the perfect pace; faster and a little bit rough.  He had his eyes closed now and was just getting lost in the feeling when she was letting go of him.  Sam grunted in protest until he felt her rolling a condom onto him and, God she was straddling him right there in the library chair. Then she was kissing him and guiding him...they were both on the edge.  He felt her silky heat envelop him as Walker pressed herself down onto him until she had taken in his entire length. Sam was making all kinds of incoherent sounds.  God, he was so impossibly deep inside her and she was lifting up and then taking him all back in again.  Then she was crying out and he felt her contract around him and he came so hard and so deep he was worried he might have hurt her.  But the sounds she made reassured him that he hadn't.

"I think I’m going to like doing homework," Sam said and he was rewarded with a bite on his neck.

Sam pulled out as gently as he could.

Oh....SHIT.

There wasn't much left of the condom.

No wonder it had felt so amazing.

"Oh my God," said Sam, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

"What?" asked Walker concerned, looking in the direction of Sam's stare.

"The condom broke," he said urgently.

"It's okay," Walker reassured him.

"What?" asked Sam, starting to get a bit panicky, "How is this possibly okay?"

"What's the first thing you learn as a hunter's kid?" she asked.  Sam had no idea why she sounded so carefree.  Her tone did not match their current situation and Sam was totally confused.

"What?  What are you talking about?" responded Sam, completely lost.

"Never go in without backup," she answered.

Sam just stared at her.

"I'm on the pill; it's okay," she said.

"Alright," said Sam slowly, "then why all the condoms?" he asked.

"Look," said Walker, "it was long a drive over here...I thought about you a lot...like over and over and over if you know what I mean," she looked at him to make sure he got it.  "When I finally got here  I didn't want to wait until we'd had the conversation about the last time each of us had been tested."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief.  "I didn't want to wait either," he admitted.

"But now I guess we should talk about it," Walker said. 

"Okay," Sam said.  Truth.  Only truth.

"I got tested last a year ago and it was all good," she reported.

"Was it a routine test?  Or was it," Sam's curiosity got the best of him for a second, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask.  It's none of my business," he said, embarrassed.

"No, it's okay," she said, "I don't want any secrets as long as you're sure you want to know."

Sam nodded.

"I was working late one night, volunteering on a research project looking into the history of an ancient Celtic burial site...I was there with another researcher and, well, one thing let to another and I ended up going home with her," she admitted.

"Her?" asked Sam.

"And her husband," Walker finished, wincing a bit anticipating Sam's reaction.  "It was her idea and well, it had been a long time for me.   I think I just wanted some human contact, you know?"

Sam knew.  God, did Sam ever know (there were times in his life he'd wanted some human contact so badly that he'd almost gone home with some of the guys who occasionally hit on him. Almost.), but damn.  Dean would tell him this just proved one of Dean's hundreds of theories about women; it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for.

When Sam didn't say anything Walker said, "Is that a problem?"

"Uh, no, no, definitely not," replied Sam, "I was just a little surprised."

Walker let out a deep breath.  "Okay, good; you should know I definitely don't make a habit of it."

"Good," replied Sam, "Because I don't want to share you."

Walker smiled.  "How about you?" she asked.

"I got tested three years ago," Sam replied honestly.  "Everything checked out okay."

"Three years?" Walker asked.  "Not since?"  She sounded slightly concerned.

"There hasn't been anyone since," Sam said quietly.

"I'm sorry to suggest -" Walker began.

"No, it's okay," Sam reassured her, "it's been a tough few years; it...doing...this...with anyone...well, it wasn't the first thing on my mind.  Until you."

"Me too," said Walker.  "You, Sam Winchester, are wrecking my ability to concentrate.  I haven't done a damn bit of work on my dissertation since the cabin."

Sam smiled, "Well, I don't want to be the reason your academic career goes down in flames," he teased.

Suddenly she looked at him seriously, "I just can't imagine a time when I'll ever be able to get enough of you."

 

 

 

19.

Sam and Walker enjoyed their time alone in the bunker - immensely - and the days flew by.  Dean bringing Lisa home...that was a big deal.  Sam didn't know if it was the best time for a Dean-Walker introduction as well. 

It seemed that Walker just sensed this and on the day before Dean was supposed to get back, she said, "I know you and Dean have some stuff to talk about.  I'm going to get a hotel room in town for a couple of days and work on my research and you can just give me a call when you can." 

Sam took her hand, "Where the hell did you come from?" he asked.

"Montana," she responded.  "You know that."

"No, I mean, I just don't know what I did to deserve you," he added.

Walker smiled.  "Sorry; I'm kinda literal sometimes," she said.

"I love that," Sam said.  "I love you."

There it was; right out there in the open.  Sam hadn't planned to say that.  He barely knew he felt it until the words had escaped, seemingly of their own free will.

"I love you too," she responded.  Sam kissed her with intensity and she responded in kind.  "Maybe you'll want to come visit me, you know, at the hotel?" she asked suggestively.

"Definitely," Sam groaned as she pulled away.  "I want Dean to meet you," he said.  "It's just that, with Lisa - "

Walker held her hand up, "You don't have to explain," she said, "I get it.  This is a big deal."

"Yeah," Sam breathed out, "it kind of is."  Sam had filled Walker in on Dean and Lisa over a drink after dinner one night. Walker thought the whole thing was pretty touching in a fucked-up-hunter sort of way.

"You three talk.  Work it out.  You know where I'll be if you need me," Walker lingered a bit, not really wanting to leave, but knowing that this was just the beginning made it a bit easier.  


 

  
  
  
  


20.

The front door light lit up.  Sam had actually been pacing up on the balcony just inside the door.  Dean was supposed to have been there an hour ago.  He kept trying to tell himself it was just Dean. Just Dean coming home like he always did.  But he knew this time was different.  Sam did not want to screw this up in any way.  He heard Dean's key in the door and he pulled it open just as Dean was pushing it in and Dean almost fell inside as the door gave way. 

"Shit!" Dean exclaimed as he stumbled, but he quickly regained his balance.  "Hey, Sammy," he said simply, smiling a very contended-looking smile up at Sam.  Sam hugged him.  Dean hugged back hard.

Dean broke the hug and turned to Lisa who was standing behind him in the doorway.  "Hi Sam," she said. 

There was a lot of history here even though Sam and Lisa barely knew each other. 

They both loved the same person. 

Sam looked down at her.  She really was beautiful.  All dark hair and sympathetic eyes. Amazing body (Sam wasn't blind even though he didn't plan on thinking of Lisa in that way).  Still, she was here and Sam couldn't deny that it felt just a little strange. 

It's like Lisa just knew.  She stepped forward and put her arms around him, her head barely reaching the height of his chest.  She hugged him and Sam dropped his head down and cautiously hugged her back.  She stood on her toes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.  Dean smiled at the sight and then turned away to hide his watering eyes as he busied himself with bringing in their stuff from the car.  Lisa quietly whispered to Sam, "We can do this.  We can do this for him."  Sam nodded almost imperceptively.

Lisa broke the hug and reached down to squeeze Sam's hand.  Sam squeezed back and then quickly let go and cleared his throat, "Let me help you with those," he called to Dean outside.  He felt Lisa's hand on his arm and looked down.  "We'll talk later, okay?" she said.  "It's going to be okay."  Sam swallowed hard at her kindness and just the fact that she had so much consideration for him and his place in Dean's life. 

Dean, back at the door now and with at least half a grip on his emotions said, "You two good?". 

Lisa looked at Sam and then back to Dean, "We're good," she said.

Dean looked to Sam.  Sam could see the question in his eyes and the fact that Dean needed to hear it from Sam too, "What she said," Sam responded with a small smile.  Dean looked visibly relieved. 

Sam picked up the rest of the bags waiting outside the door, following Dean and Lisa down the stairs into the main room.

 

 


	4. HOME (part 2) chapters 21-28

 

 

21.

Later that night, Dean was taking a shower, washing off the road dirt.  Lisa found Sam in the little room off the main hall with his books spread out, wearing the pair of reading glasses he'd reluctantly had to admit made reading easier.  Lisa knocked on the open door and Sam looked up. 

"That's a good look on you," Lisa commented.

Sam quickly took the glasses off and cleared his throat.  He still didn't want to admit he needed them.

"Can we talk for a minute?" she asked.

"Sure," said Sam, moving some books and his laptop from the other end of the couch to give her room.

Lisa took a seat and looked directly at Sam who tried to return her gaze, but he was the first one to break it and look towards the door. "He's in the shower," Lisa said.  "Look, I know this has got to be weird for you," she started.

"No, I'm really glad you're here," Sam replied.  Always polite.

"You can be honest with me," Lisa reassured him.

"I AM glad you're here," Sam insisted.

"But?...."  Lisa prompted him.

Sam sighed and then the words just started rushing out, unplanned, "But it's always been me and Dean...forever...since we were kids.  I know he needs more than me, and God knows that you've been through hell with him - "

"So have you," Lisa added.

Sam nodded, "It's just new.  I don't know you that well and I know you're not just a guest...."

"I'll never ask him to choose."  Lisa said directly.

"What?" asked Sam.

"I'll never ask him to choose between me and you," she said with certainty.  "He's done it over and over...leaves me for you and leaves you for me and we all end up miserable.  I think the only way it can work is if he has both of us."

Sam nodded, "I think so too," he agreed. 

Lisa continued, "So, Sam, please talk to me, okay?  If something's not right...if you want to ask me anything...if there's something going on with Dean...you don't have to fix everything with him alone anymore...just talk to me."

Sam stared at her slightly dumbfounded.  The idea that he was not the only one responsible for trying to build Dean up or coax a smile out of him or fix what was wrong with him suddenly felt like a profound relief.  It was something he never thought he'd feel. 

"Is there something you want to ask me?" Lisa asked, sensing there was.

"How can you be so nice to me?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Why wouldn't I be?" asked Lisa in response.

"You and Dean had a life, a good one, and then I showed up and he bailed," Sam said, "How can you not hate me?"

"I don't hate you, Sam," she replied.  "Okay; truth; I did hate you for awhile, but I realized I was mad at the wrong person.  You would have agreed to whatever Dean wanted.  It was Dean who decided it had to be all or nothing; that he couldn't have it both ways and had to leave me and Ben in order to be who he really is."

"Who he really is?" questioned Sam.

"A hunter.  With you," she said simply.  "You love him more than anything, right?" she asked.

Sam could only nod.

"Me too.  We want the same thing, you and me," she continued. "Dean never thinks he deserves anything good, but he does.  He deserves everything and so do you, Sam.  No matter how hard it was growing up or what you've done that you might regret."

Sam looked down.  He realized that Dean had talked to Lisa, probably at length, about how hard it was for them when they were young.  Hardly anyone else knew.  Sam hardly ever talked about it.

"I know how hard it was," she said, as if reading his mind, "and I know he was all you had."  Sam looked up at her.  "I am not here to take Dean away from you.  I just want to help.  You don't have to do everything anymore."

Sam wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I can help, but only if you let me," she asked cautiously.

She got her answer when Sam moved the rest of the books that separated them off the couch and wrapped Lisa in a hug.  She put her arms around him and she thought she felt him shaking a bit.  "I don't want to upset you, Sam, that's the last thing I want -"

"No," Sam interrupted her apology, "it's not that.  I've just never had anyone else...never had anyone know so much about us or care so much about Dean....it's always been just me."

"Okay," she said in her most soothing voice, "it's okay.  It's okay for you not to be so strong all the time," and Sam held on to her and did something he hardly ever let himself do.  He cried.

 

 

 

22.

"Hey Dean," Sam said one night when he and Dean were sitting around the table.  Lisa was clearing the dishes which Sam had offered to do, but Lisa wouldn't hear of it.  Lisa wasn't one to serve people, but she was trying to treat Sam with extra care and Sam was trying just as hard to do the same for her.  It had turned into a bit of a ridiculous competition of who could do the most for the other one.  Dean would sit back and watch the whole thing, amused.  Everyone knew they were still feeling each other out and trying to get a sense of how this whole family thing might work. Lisa and the dishes disappeared from view and Sam heard the water running faintly in the kitchen.

"Hey, Dean?" repeated Sam.

"Yeah, Sammy?" Dean responded.

"Would it be okay with you if I had Walker come over tonight?" Sam asked.

"You don't need to ask permission," Dean stated.  "This is your place too."

"I know," responded Sam, "it's just...with Lisa."

"Look Sam," Dean said, "the way you and Lis' have been trying to out do each other, I swear to God, I think she'd wrap the woman up naked in a bow and give her to you for Christmas if that's what you wanted."

Sam chuckled a little.

"And I know she's already been here though I really wish I could forget that our Goddamn dining room table will never be truly clean again," Dean was more than happy to embarrass Sam a bit.

"Oh, come on Dean," Sam tried to defend himself weakly, "it's not like you and Lisa only have missionary sex in your own bed when I'm not around."

Dean smiled, "Okay; so I'm just jealous you broke the table in before we got to."  Dean was kinda proud of Sam for not being so vanilla after all.

Sam smiled.  Then got serious.  "I really like her, Dean," he said.

"I can tell," Dean responded.  Sam looked at him.  "The way you talk about her...sounds like you're two geeks in a dork pod."

"Shut up," Sam responded, but he was smiling.

"Well, it's about time you stopped sneaking out at night for booty calls at the hotel with her," Dean started.

"I'm not 'sneaking' anywhere!" protested Sam.

Dean smirked.  "Bring her home to meet the family," Dean said playfully.  "You're not hiding her for some reason...does she have three boobs or something?"

"God, Dean, you're such a child!" Sam said, irritated, as Dean laughed. 

"Seriously, man," said Dean, "I'd love to meet her."

Sam looked downright giddy, "Okay, I'll give her a call."

Lisa walked back out, leaned over Dean's chair and whispered something that made him get slightly red and sit up straighter.  She covertly ran her tongue over the edge of Dean's ear.

"I'll meet her tomorrow, Sam," Dean said quickly, "Lis' needs some help with something in the kitchen," Dean said as he quickly got up and practically chased Lisa back down the hall as she laughed.

Sam shook his head and smiled, then dialed Walker's cell number.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

By the time Walker arrived at the bunker, Dean and Lisa had gone to bed (but Sam was pretty sure they weren't sleeping at all).  Sam greeted her at the door and pulled her in for a kiss. "You're staying at my place tonight," he said.   


 

  
  
  
  


23.

The next morning, Sam told Walker he had to go make a supply run.  He wanted to stick around to be there the second Dean got up so that he could make proper introductions, but they were out of half & half and Sam desperately wanted some coffee, therefore he desperately needed some half & half.  He figured Dean wouldn't be up for another hour anyway. 

Sam figured wrong.

Dean heard the door close and decided to get up.  He reluctantly left Lisa warm and sleepy and naked (and gorgeous) wrapped up in their sheets.  After hitting the bathroom, Dean walked to the kitchen and caught a glimpse of dark wavy hair and caramel-colored skin curled up on the couch gazing at the fireplace in the small room off the main hall.  That skin tone; he fleetingly wondered what Cassie might look like all these years later.  Sam was nowhere to be seen.

From the doorway of the kitchen, Dean could see her but she hadn't seen him yet.  Dean had never had any ambition in school past getting his GED.  He always felt slightly intimidated by really smart women, and, by all accounts, that's what Walker was.  But Sam really cared about her.  Dean didn't want to screw anything up for him.  Sam had been through so much and all Dean wanted was for Sam to be okay.  Always. 

Dean looked over at her again and tried to focus instead on the fact that Walker had that hot librarian look about her and THAT he could work with.  Dean had never been intimidated by beautiful women.  _'That's better,'_ he thought.

Dean took a deep breath and walked across the main room, knocking lightly on the doorframe of the room where Walker occupied the couch.  Walker looked up and her breath caught for a second _'do they all look like this?'_ she wondered to herself, _'I bet he could get anyone to do anything'_ she thought as she looked at Dean.  He really was striking even in his sweats and t-shirt and just out of bed.

Dean turned on his high voltage smile.  "Hi," he said, reaching out his hand, "I'm Dean."

Walker stood up and reached politely for Dean's hand.  "Walker," she said. 

"You're Rufus' daughter," Dean stated.

"Yeah, you could say that," she replied.

"Rufus was a good hunter," Dean said.  Coming from Dean, there really could be no higher praise.

"Well, he wasn't father of the year," she admitted, "but he was good at his job."

"Damn straight," said Dean.  "Our dad was a hunter too.  I get it," he said with kindness and Walker knew what he was saying without any additional words.  She knew that meant that she and Dean had both grown up spending too much time alone, too much time being scared that their father was never coming back, too much time staying with relatives, and too many years hoping for a closeness and a connection between father and child that was just never going to be there, never going to be a normal relationship, never going to be at all fulfilling.  She felt her heart tighten a bit for Dean.  She was an only child (well, as far as she knew) and she had had to be in charge of herself from way too young an age.  Dean had to be not only that, but also responsible for Sam.  Walker really couldn't imagine the stress he must have felt.  She knew that without Dean, there really would not be the Sam that she already loved.

Dean looked Walker over a bit critically.  "So...you and Sam..." he started.

"Is that a question?" she asked, confused.

Dean sighed, he didn't want to be a jerk, didn't want to mess this up for Sam, "Look, Sam has never brought anyone home...not here to the bunker."

"Never?" asked Walker.

"Nope; never," Dean confirmed.   He continued, "Sam, he's, well, he's had a hard time.  Our lives haven't exactly been a fucking picnic."

"I'm aware," Walker replied.   She thought for a minute, "Are you asking me if my intentions with your brother are honorable?" she asked with a small smile.

Dean snorted, "Well, I wouldn't quite put it that way, but, yeah.” Dean didn't quite know how to put it into words.  How much he loved Sam.  How Sam was everything to him.  How he wanted to fucking kill anyone who ever hurt him.  (That wouldn't change no matter how many years went by.)  How he'd noticed that Sam slept more soundly since Walker showed up.  Laughed more.  How he had noticed how much more excited Sam was about research when he knew he was going to get to discuss something he'd found with her.  How he desperately wanted Sam to have as normal a life as possible; get laid daily, fall in love, Jesus Christ, have kids if he wanted to.  But this thing with Walker was new and he knew he had no right to realistically expect any kind of long-term promise out of her where Sam was concerned.

"I won't hurt him," she said with complete sincerity. 

Dean gave her a hard look.  Trying to decipher any hint of deception or of someone just trying to tell him what he wanted to hear.  He couldn't.  And he was really good at reading people.

Walker felt his scrutiny.  "I won't," she said again.  "Look, I'm not a kid.  I've been with other people.  Hell, I feel like I've lived several entirely different lives."  Dean couldn't help but nod in agreement.  He knew how that felt.

"Sam is the best thing that has ever happened to me."  Walked said, looking down.  She felt Dean's hand on her arm.  She looked back up at him.

"Me too," replied Dean.  At that moment, Walker could see how open he was.  He wasn't putting on a show or hiding anything. The caring in his face when he talked about Sam made her catch her breath for a second time.

"Well then we have to make sure he's okay, don't we?" Walker asked.  She put her hand over Dean's.

Dean looked down at her, nodded, and swallowed hard.  Then he pulled a slightly-startled Walker into a hug.  Dean cleared his throat.  "Are you still staying at the hotel?" he asked as he released her.

Walker took a small step back and nodded.

"Not anymore," Dean said.  "You should be staying here."

"But you and Lisa...and Sam...you guys need some time, don't you?" she questioned. 

Dean figured that Sam had filled Walker in on him and Lisa. "Sam's better with you around," Dean admitted.  Walker couldn't stop a smile from spreading across her face.  "So if you can actually put up with my dorky geek of a brother..." Dean trailed off with what Walker would quickly learn was his trademark shit-eating grin.

"Thank you," she said.

"Don't mention it," Dean replied.

At that moment the light for the front door went off and Sam came running down the stairs.  "Shit, Dean, I didn't think you'd be up yet, I wanted to - "

Dean cut him off, looking approvingly at Walker, "You did good, Sammy," he said.  "But I don't know how long it will take her to figure out that she's getting the short end of the stick with a nerd like you," Dean teased.  "You're out of your league with this one."

Sam smiled and relaxed.  He wanted to do what he had planned anyway, "Walker, this is my brother Dean.  Dean, this is Walker." 

 

 

 

24.

"Hey Mom," Ben answered the phone after consulting the caller ID.

"How are you doing?" Lisa asked immediately.  Their phone call frequency had increased a bit since she told Ben about his father.  But it was still two steps forward and one step back with the two of them.  They were both willful.No 19 year old wants advice from his mom.  No mom wants her 19 year old to drop out of college.

"I'm good," said Ben.  "Lou's been working me hard at the salvage yard.  Mostly I'm just working and eating and sleeping.  How are things going in Kansas?"

"Really good," Lisa responded.  "I feel like it's different this time."

"What do you mean?" asked Ben.  "Different how?"

"It feels like I'm part of his life instead of him leaving his life to be with me...I don't know how to explain it, but it feels...natural," Lisa tried to tell Ben, knowing that at 19 he may not get it at all.  "Any chance you could come for a visit?" she asked, and quietly ended with, "I miss you."

"I miss you too, mom," Ben said.  His immense anger at Lisa had dissipated over the past few weeks and he'd had a chance to process some of the huge gigabyte of information he'd been forced to absorb where his family was concerned.

"Does he talk about me?" asked Ben.

"Dean?  Yeah, all the time.  He'd really love to see you," Lisa said hopefully.

"I'll talk to Lou about some time off," Ben said.  He was really freakin' nervous about seeing Dean again, now that he knew what he knew, but, at the same time, he was dying to make the drive.

"Will it be weird?" Ben asked with trepidation.

"Probably a little," Lisa answered honestly.

"Was is weird there for you?" Ben asked.

"A little, at first," admitted Lisa, "but after Sam and I had a talk, it was better."

"Sam's there?" Ben asked, his voice starting to harden.

"Sam lives here too honey," Lisa said reassuringly.  "He'd like to see you again...show you around this place.  I think you'd think it was pretty amazing."

"Whatever," Ben shot back in his best disinterested teenager tone.

Lisa was quiet for a second, "You shouldn't hate Sam," she said.

"And why the hell not?!" asked Ben, raising his voice, "Dean would have stayed with us if Sam had never shown up."

"That wasn't Sam's decision and you know it," Lisa asserted. When Ben didn't say anything back, Lisa said, "I know it's easier to be mad at Sam than it is at Dean, but Sam doesn't deserve it."

"I don't think I can get the time to drive out there," Ben said coldly and hung up.

Lisa sighed.  This might take awhile.

 

 

 

25.

"I think he's ready," said Lisa.

She had just gotten off the phone with Ben.  Dean had made sure to call Ben on his own over the past few weeks; short calls just to test the waters. They usually talked about nothing deeper than cars and how Ben's work was going at the salvage yard.  The conversations had been getting easier and a bit less awkward over the past month.

"You think maybe he could come for Thanksgiving?" Dean asked.  Dean had always been kind of a sucker for trying to have an ideal holiday, even though it rarely lived up to his high expectations.  He was always trying to make up for the crappy holidays of his and Sam's childhood.  "I mean, before Thanksgiving; just so we have a couple of weeks to get used to each other before anyone else shows up."

"I think that's a good idea," said Lisa, smiling.  "But I think the invitation should come from you."

"I was hoping you'd call him back," started Dean.  Lisa gave him one of those looks.  "Oh, okay, I'll call," said Dean, "tomorrow."

"Chicken," smirked Lisa.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Tomorrow" came way too fast for Dean's liking.  He sat at the table with the cell phone sitting in front of him, regarding it as if it were a grenade.

He'd mentioned Ben visiting to Sam the night before and as Sam walked by he saw Dean staring daggers at the innocent phone and said, "You did mean THIS Thanksgiving, right?"

"Shut up, bitch," Dean shot back.

"Oh, c'mon," Sam sat down across from him.  "It's just a visit.  You gotta start somewhere."

"I know," agreed Dean reluctantly.  He picked up the phone.  "Hey Ben," he said, "there's something I want to ask you."

 

 

 

 

26.

Dean was stressed about Ben visiting.  He was a ball of half nerves and half excitement.  He really couldn't wait to see him, to have Sam show him around the bunker.  But Dean was far from free of the guilt over what he had put Ben through and how many years of his life he had missed out on.  Dean had told Ben to drive up around the back entrance to the bunker; the one that went directly into the garage.  Ben didn't like leaving Mary outside, after all, and Dean thought it might be a good way to ease into things.  Dean's phone rang, "I'm out here," said Ben. "Where do I go now?"

Dean threw the switch and the ancient overhead door started to rise on it's Rube Goldberg electrified pulley system.  The door hitched up slowly (it was an ingenious construction, but not particularly fast) revealing Ben's black '69 Mustang one inch at a time.

Dean waved Ben to drive on in.  Ben did and when he got out of the driver's seat, his jaw almost hit the floor.

"Holy shit," he said, looking around.  He took in the rows of vintage vehicles and the Impala parked at the end.  "Are all of these yours?"

Dean laughed, "No, all but my baby (he gestured towards the Impala) came with the place," he said.  Ben looked at him with amazement.  "We're just taking care of everything while we live here," Dean finished.  "I'll tell you all about it," he said and went to hug Ben.

Ben hugged him back and held on longer than Dean anticipated. "It's really good to see you," Dean said.

"Good to see you too," Ben responded. 

Ben couldn't help but crane his neck to take in the rows of cars again.  "Do they all run?" he asked.

"All but Marilyn," Dean gestured to the car in the middle of the row.  A 1943 Packard.  Curvy and beautiful but in spite of Dean's considerable efforts at working on it, it remained silent.  An array of tools encircled it, neatly laid out on black rubber mats.

"Why 'Marilyn'?" asked Ben.

"Because she's gorgeous with curves for days...and she's dead as a doornail...like Marilyn Monroe," Dean responded with what Ben was fast recognizing was his sometimes rather dark sense of humor.

"What's the problem?" asked Ben, instantly interested.

"Damned if I know," Dean admitted.  "I've been working on it on and off for years.  I can't figure it out."

"I've never worked on anything that old, but mind if I take a look?" Ben asked, hopefully.

"Anytime you want," Dean said, "Knock yourself out.  I'll show you how far I've gotten on it later."

Ben smiled openly.

"Get your stuff," Dean told Ben, "I'll show you your room."  
  


 

 

27.

Dean left Ben alone to get settled in one of the rooms, gave him directions to the bathroom, and told him to come out to the main hall when he was ready.  The place was a labyrinth and Dean helpfully told Ben to hang a right out of his room and then make a left at the kitchen.

About 15 minutes later Ben walked up the short staircase into the main hall.  He looked like a kid in a candy store when his eyes fell on the shelves of books.  Everyone assembled at the table exchanged small, knowing smiles.  Lisa and Dean knew Ben was a voracious reader and they'd filled Sam and Walker in on that fact.  This place was like a goldmine.  Ben's face was damn near lit up from inside.  Then his eyes fell on Sam and it all went dark.

"Hey Ben, really good to see you," Sam said, getting up to hug him.  "Holy shit, I can't believe how big you are; you're almost as tall as I am."

"Don't fucking touch me," Ben spat at him.

Sam stopped in his tracks.  Walker looked completely confused. Dean sat stone-faced and Lisa hissed at him, "Ben!"

"Sorry mom, I can't do it," said Ben.  "I thought I could, but I can't," and he quickly turned and headed back to his room. Everyone at the table heard the faint slam of a distant door.

"What was that about?" Sam asked.  Clearly blindsided.  "What'd I do?"

"Dean leaving us...he blames you," Lisa said, sounding too tired to sugar-coat it.  "I told him he's mad at the wrong person, and I thought we were past this, but clearly, we're not."  Her face fell.

"Let me talk to him," Sam said.

Dean spoke up, "That might not be the best idea, Sammy," he with a sigh.  "Let me talk to him first." 

Before Sam could say anything more, Dean was headed down the hall to Ben's room.

 

 

 

28.

Dean knocked on the closed door, "Ben?" he called.

"Go away," came the response.

"Can't go away, I live here," Dean responded dryly.

The door opened.  Dean was faced with an angry Ben.  "I don't want to talk," Ben said.

"Okay," Dean responded.  "I thought maybe you could go take a look at that car with me."

"I know what you're doing," Ben responded.

"You know I'm trying to get a car started?" Dean asked sarcastically.  "I mean, I knew you were smart, but DAMN!"  Dean smiled.

Ben knew he was being teased, "Shut up," he said but a small smile curled his mouth up at the corners. 

"C'mon," Dean pushed, "help an old guy out?"

"Alright," Ben agreed begrudgingly.  They headed to the garage.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Of all the cars in the Men of Letters livery, it was this old Packard that had Dean completely stumped.  He had worked on it for years.  He found the puzzle of trying to get it going again akin to meditation and he always worked on it when he just needed to be inside his own head for awhile. 

He and Ben went over the engine, the other components, and he showed Ben where everything was located in the tangle of hoses and wires.  He told Ben he was free to use any of the tools he needed.  Ben spent about 20 minutes handing tools to Dean as he tightened this and checked that.  Finally Dean had told Ben everything he knew about the car.

Dean left Ben tinkering with the car and went it to see what he could do about dinner. 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, Dean returned to the garage to find Ben, sleeves rolled up, grease and oil on his face, working away under the car. Dean set down a plate of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and a Coke.  Ben smelled the chicken and rolled out from under the chassis.  "Damn, that smells good," he said. 

"Best in Kansas," Dean said.  Dean knew how to fry a chicken. "Learn anything?"

"Yeah, I'm working on it," Ben said, "It's taken me awhile to figure it out, and I need to get online tonight and look some stuff up, but I think I'm starting to narrow it down."

Dean didn't believe that Ben would really be able to figure it out, but he was glad the kid had something to focus on right now.Dean grabbed a chicken wing off of Ben's plate.

"Hey!" protested Ben.

"Oh, you thought that was all for you?" Dean teased, wrapping his mouth around the wing.

Ben smiled and shook his head.    They sat there in silence eating their fried chicken.

 


	5. HOME (part 2) chapters 29-35

29.

Later that night, there was a knock on Ben's door.

"Who is it?" he called out.

"Walker," came the reply.

Ben opened the door about six inches, "Who are you?" he asked. It had barely registered that she had been in the main room earlier; he had been so blinded with anger when he saw Sam, everyone else had fallen away.

The woman at his door shifted three old volumes to the crook of her left arm and held out her right hand.  "Walker Turner," she introduced herself.  Ben shook her hand but it was apparent he was waiting for more information.

"I'm....I'm with Sam," Walker said.

Ben's polite smile left his face.  "Not interested," he said and went to shut the door, but he couldn't get it closed all the way.  He looked down to see Walker's foot blocking the path.

"Hey," she said when he looked up at her with visible irritation, "maiores tuos respice (respect your elders).”  Her voice had a slight edge to it that made Ben straighten up.

Ben's eyes widened. 

"Ah, so you do speak Latin," Walker smiled with satisfaction. "Here," she held the books out to him, "Dean said you read Hawking...thought you might want to read some of what came before him."

Ben surveyed the heavy old leather-bound volumes and ran his hand over the cover of the top one with reverence.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" Walker asked.  Ben nodded.  Suddenly he looked more tired than angry.

"Sorry I was rude," he apologized.  "Thanks for these."

"My pleasure," she said.  "If there's anything you want to discuss, you can usually find me in that little room off the main hall."

"You've read all of these?" Ben asked, intrigued.

"The right question would be, 'How many times have you read all of these’?" Walker corrected him with a smile as she turned to leave.  "Sleep well!" she called over her shoulder.

 

 

 

30.

Walker was holed up in a small room just off the main room of the bunker.  She was surrounded by books and deep into research. This was the only room in the bunker that had a fireplace and it had quickly become her favorite.

Through the open door she could just glimpse Sam and Dean sitting at the main table next to each other, planning, talking, occasionally breaking out laughing before getting serious again. Every once in awhile, Dean would touch Sam's arm to drive home a point he was making.  They didn't know she was watching them. She was trying not to watch but there was just this dynamic between them that made it hard to concentrate on what she was supposed to be doing.

Lisa quietly entered the room and walked over the fireplace to warm up.  She smiled at Walker.  Walker nodded and smiled back and tried to turn her attention back to her reading.  Lisa noticed she kept looking up to check out the scene at the table in the main room.

"They're really close," Lisa said.

Walker looked up at her.  It was simple when it had been just her and Sam at the cabin, and then her and Sam at the bunker before Dean came back.  But now....

"What is it?" Lisa asked with kindness.

"Sam and Dean," Walker started, "it's like they don't even have to talk sometimes."

"They don't," Lisa confirmed.  "The way they grew up, they only had each other.  They need each other.  It's just part of who they are.  Almost like twins," Lisa mused.

"It's intense," Walker admitted.

Lisa nodded in agreement.  "But THEY'RE intense, right?" she looked at Walker knowingly.  Lisa wasn't the only one in the room that had slept with a Winchester.  "And that's not always a bad thing, right?" Lisa smiled, blushing slightly.  Walker smiled back and blushed a bit herself.  Sam WAS, er, impressive.

Lisa continued, "But they need more than each other.  Everyone has their shortcomings and Dean can't be everything for Sam just like Sam can't be everything for Dean.  That's where we come in."

"So do you feel like second fiddle sometimes?" Walker asked directly.

"Sometimes," Lisa admitted.  "But that intensity they have...it applies to us too, you know."

"What do you mean?" asked Walker.

Lisa looked in Sam and Dean's direction.  For some inexplicable reason they were currently arm-wrestling over something then Dean was loudly cursing Sam for winning.  She shook her head and gave a small laugh.  "The people they love, they would do anything for them.  They would lay down their lives without a second thought.  They would kill anything and anyone to keep the people they love safe.  I know they are both screwed up in their own way, but they're incredibly special too."  Lisa looked towards the main room with fondness.

"Sam," started Walker, "he's messed up, but he's so amazing...so overwhelming," she tried without complete success to explain some of the things she felt for him.

Lisa walked over and sat down next to Walker on the couch.  "I know exactly what you mean," she said reassuringly.  "I'm sure Sam told you a little about me and Dean."

"A little," Walker replied.

"Then you know that if I were rational about him I wouldn't be here right now," she smiled to herself.  "But Dean," she searched for the words, "he's damn addictive is what he is."

Walker swallowed.  She would have described Sam in the same way.

"And you'll find out that it's not second-fiddle...it's more like there are two first-chairs for Sam...you and Dean; you're equally important to him, only in different ways," Lisa hoped Walker was willing to roll with some of this; for Sam's sake.  He really needed her.

 

 

 

31.

Ben spent much of the next three days under the Packard.  Dean tried to be patient; to give him space.  He made sure to check in with him every so often.

In bed that night, Dean said to Lisa, "He's been out there for days."

"He can be pretty intense...you know...when he's trying to solve a problem or fix something."  She looked pointedly at Dean.

"Okay; don't look at me like that," he said.  No mystery where Ben inherited that quality.

Dean heard a dull and unfamiliar sound.  "What's that?" he asked Lisa.

"No idea," she responded.

Dean slowly opened the bedroom door and the sound grew louder. Dean knew the sound, by heart, of every car in the fleet and this wasn't one of them.  He got up and ran down the hall. 

In the garage, Ben stood next to the old Packard, listening with satisfaction to the roaring engine.  Dean ran up behind him and yelled over the noise, "No fucking way!"

"Way!" smiled Ben triumphantly.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Dean exclaimed.  "You did it!!!"

Ben saw the raw admiration on Dean's face and soaked it up like a sponge.

Dean threw his arms around Ben and let out a whoop as he attempted to lift him off the floor.

Lisa came running in to see what all the commotion was.  "He got it Lis'!" Dean exclaimed.  "He fucking got it!"  Lisa smiled. Seeing Ben and Dean, together like that, it twisted her heart in her chest.

"Can we take her out tomorrow?" Ben yelled. 

"First thing!" Dean yelled back.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As they walked back to their room, Dean grumbled, "Now what the hell am I going to do for relaxation?"

Lisa laced her finger through his.  "How about me?" she whispered in his ear.

"What?" Dean asked, his thoughts still on all things mechanical.

"Me; you can do me when you want to relax," she smiled at having to spell it out for him.

Dean forgot all about the car.

 

 

 

32.

With the car running, there was nothing more keep Ben in the garage all day so he started showing up out in the main room of the bunker.  He was careful to avoid Sam, but he welcomed the knock on his door every few nights when Walker came by to drop off some books and pick up those he had finished.  Sometimes he'd invite her in and they'd sit on the bed discussing something he'd read.  Ben was amazed by Walker.  He'd never met anyone in his life as well-read as she was.  Walker had never met anyone who could read as fast as Ben or anyone so young who understood obscure and hard-to-grasp concepts so well. They were forming their own mutual admiration society.

This morning, Walker was surprised to see Ben carrying the books he'd finished towards the little room with the fireplace where she was holed up.  "So you actually CAN bring you own books back," she teased him.

Ben smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, sorry; didn't mean to make you think I was looking for a servant."

Walker waved her hand, "Don't mention it."

"How'd you know?" Ben asked.

"How'd I know what?" Walker questioned.

"I mean, all these books you've been bringing me; they're...amazing.  How'd you know I'd want to read them?" he

asked with sincere curiosity.

"I didn't know," she said.

Ben looked at her, confused.

"Sam knew," she said simply.

Ben's face became wary, but he didn't completely close down. "Sam's been sending you with these?" he asked.

"Sam chose them," Walker corrected, "I brought them because I wanted to...because I've never met anyone your age who has such a good handle on this stuff.  Plus, I like our discussions," she finished.

"I do too," Ben admitted.  "I've never had anyone else I could discuss this stuff with.  Even the teachers in school..."

"It was boring, right?" Walker guessed correctly.

"Totally," Ben said.  "But discussing this stuff with you isn't."

Walker beamed.  She loved teaching someone with Ben's powers of comprehension and understanding.

"You think I could talk to Sam?" Ben suddenly asked.

"Sure, you can talk to him anytime you want," Walker responded.

"I was kind of a jerk that first day," Ben looked a bit guilty.

"You were hurting and that's what people do when they hurt; they lash out at the one that hurt them," Walker stated simply.

"No one else seems to think he hurt us," Ben groused.

"I think the situation hurt you and that a lot of decisions by a lot of people went into creating that situation," Walker reasoned.

"Well, if you're with him, he can't be all bad," Ben begrudgingly admitted.  Ben liked Walker.  "I know it's none of my business, but why ARE you with him?" Ben asked.

"You're right, it's none of your business," Walker reprimanded Ben a little, "but Sam is one of the smartest guys I've ever met.  And he cares so much about people; about his family.  You're part of that, you know."

Ben shrugged.

"Don't tell him I said this, but it's kinda killing him that he hasn't gotten to talk to you since you got here," Walker added conspiratorially.

"Where is he now?" Ben asked.

"I think he's shooting at the range," Walker replied.  "You want me to come with you?"

"No, I can do this," Ben responded.  "Thanks."

"So we're still on for Heraclitus* tonight after dinner?" she asked.

"Definitely," smiled Ben.

 

 

 

*Heraclitus; ancient Greek scholar, is famous for his insistence on ever-present change in the universe, as stated in the famous saying, "No man ever steps in the same river twice". He believed in the unity of opposites, stating that "the path up and down are one and the same", all existing entities being characterized by pairs of contrary properties. His cryptic utterance that "all entities come to be in accordance with this Logos" (literally, "word", "reason", or "account") has been the subject of numerous interpretations.  
  


 

 

  
  


 

33.

Ben pushed open the door to the indoor shooting range ( _'Fuck, this place has everything,'_ he thought) and saw Sam, alone, firing a deafening barrage at a paper target several yards away.

Sam caught Ben's movement out of the corner of his eye and lowered his gun, removing his noise-canceling head phones.  "Hey," he tried to sound casual and disinterested "you looking for Dean?"

Ben glanced down the range.  Shit; all the shots Sam had fired had blown two perfect circles out of the target; one in the forehead and one in the chest.  Even though it was just a quick glance, Ben couldn't see a single misfire.

"No," Ben responded.  "I was looking for you."

"Okay," Sam said cautiously.  "You wanna sit down?" Sam motioned to one of the folding chairs against the wall.

"No, I'm okay here," said Ben, shifting nervously from one foot to the other where he stood.

"Alright," continued Sam.  "What's up?"

"Why couldn't you leave Dean with us?" Ben blurted out.  He hadn't meant to start that way, but it just came out.

Sam sighed.  "I wanted Dean to stay with you," he said.  "I wanted that so bad for him.  I stayed away for a year but then I convinced myself that I needed his help with a hunt.  I was pretty messed up then and I wasn't really thinking about hurting anyone."

"That's obvious," Ben mumbled.

Sam looked over at Ben with sadness in his eyes.  "I was only thinking about getting the job done and Dean was the best hunter I knew."  Sam continued, "I thought maybe he'd do the job with me and go back to you and your mom, but he didn't."

"Why didn't he come back?" Ben asked in a small voice.  God, all of his thoughts were just slipping past his lips no matter how much he had planned to keep them in.

"I think he thought you and your mom were stronger than I was then. That I needed him more," Sam reasoned.

Ben's eyes flashed anger, "Stronger?  We were a fucking mess!"

"I didn't say he was right," Sam said firmly.  "Look, Ben," Sam looked down, "you know a little about the way Dean and I grew up, but you don't know everything and it was far from ideal. Actually, most of the time, it just fucking hurt."

"But you had him," Ben said pointedly.

"Yeah, I did, and I'd have been dead long ago if I hadn't had him." Sam said calmly.  "We had each other and that's really ALL we had.  Our dad wasn't around - "

"I know how that feels," Ben glared.

Sam sighed more deeply.  "I'm saying that I know how bad it feels to not have your dad around and that was the last thing Dean ever wanted for you."

"But he didn't know I was his," Ben reminded Sam.

Sam smiled a small, kinda sad smile at Ben, "He always knew you were his,".

"What?!" Ben exclaimed.

"No, no, that's not what I mean," Sam put his hands up in protest, "I mean it didn't matter if you were genetically his or not; he always felt you were his son."

"He told you that?" Ben asked cautiously.

"Yeah, more times than I can count," Sam replied with kindness.

Ben looked down and felt his eyes burning.  "What's he like?" he asked Sam.

"What's Dean like?" Sam questioned.  "You know what he's like."

"No, I mean, I missed a lot of years with him and you had those years...."  Ben trailed off.

Sam swallowed hard.  "Dean is probably the smartest guy I know," he started.

Ben raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, he's not going to get lost in a library full of books like we can," Sam stopped short when Ben gave him a wary look for using the word "we" and lumping he and Sam together in the same sentence.  It was hard for Sam to miss.  "Look, we have more than Dean in common, okay?"

Ben shuffled his feet and waited for Sam to continue.

"Don't get me wrong," Sam started again, "Dean is a complete fucked-up mess and he spends half his time acting like a 12 year old.  He's never going to stop giving you shit or calling you a geek or a dork or a virgin for reading stuff like what you and Walker have been talking about."

Ben let out a small laugh.

"But under all of that, I've never known anyone else who cares as much as he does.  I mean, it's so deep with him, it's almost pathological," Sam tried to explain.  "Dean spent a lot of time getting beaten up when we were kids so that whoever was coming after me would go after him instead."

"DEAN got beaten up?" Ben asked incredulously.

"Well, he often gave as good as he got," Sam said proudly, "but the guy has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever.  The only reason he's still alive is because he's so fucking smart when he's not being a total idiot...the way he can read people; it's uncanny.  And no matter how much research I do, most of the time, I just find the pieces and he puts them together.  He's pretty awesome," Sam smiled.  "Not to mention a badass motherfucker when he wants to be.  He's the only person on the face of this earth I feel safe with.” Sam was kind of surprised at himself for admitting that to Ben.

Ben ran his tongue over his dry lips.  "I wish I'd had more time with him, you know, when I was little."

"Me too," Sam said softly.  "He should have been with you, not with me."

"Maybe he needed to be with you," Ben said. 

"What?" Sam responded.

"Maybe you're here and you're alive now because he was with you," Ben reasoned.

Sam put his hand over his mouth and blinked hard.  "Yeah, you're right," Sam confirmed, "I wouldn't be here otherwise."

Ben nodded.  Maybe he and Lisa had needed Dean more, but they had lived.  "So, you were okay with him, you know, erasing our memories?" Ben asked.

"Fuck no!" Sam exclaimed.  "I thought it was one of the dumbest things he'd ever done."

"But we wouldn't get in the way anymore that way," Ben said.

"You were never in the way," Sam said firmly.  "Dean's been pretty fucked up for the past seven years," Sam admitted.  "He never stopped loving you two."

Ben's eyes welled up.  Sam took a step towards him then stopped, "Can I?" Sam asked. 

Ben nodded and Sam stepped closer to pull him into a hug.   It didn't last long, but it was a start.

"So, what am I, supposed to call you 'Uncle Sam' or some shit like that?" Ben asked, clearing his throat and wiping his eyes.

Sam broke out laughing.  "I think 'Sam' is good," he smiled. 

"Alright then," Ben felt awkward after opening up so much to someone he'd spent so much time hating, "I'm gonna go find Dean; we have to take the car out for test drive."

"That was pretty awesome," Sam replied, "you getting that car started.  Dean's been working on that for years."

Ben smiled.  And it was open and genuine.

Sam picked his gun up again, getting ready to empty the chamber into another unwitting paper target.

"Think you could show me how to shoot?" Ben asked suddenly.

"Yeah; sure," said Sam, brightening.  "You want to give it a try right now?"

"That'd be awesome," Ben said smiling.

"Have you ever fired anything before?" Sam asked.

"Just shot some cans off the fence with my friends in high school.  I think that was some kind of an old Colt," he tried to remember.

"Okay, well, this is a Beretta 92.  You're going to like this one because it's good for guys with larger hands, like us," Sam smiled.  This time, Ben didn't object to the use of the word "us" at all.  Sam popped the clip out and handed it to Ben. 

Ben got his hands around the grip, "Yeah, that feels really good," he said, looking at Sam like he was a Goddamn genius for knowing it would fit his hands so well.

"I know, right?"  Sam smiled appreciatively and continued, "You've got a double stack magazine with this one; 15 shots.  And even though Dean's a freak and actually likes to clean guns, I'd rather not waste time on that, so this one is pretty maintenance-free.  It's never let me down."  Sam grabbed another set of silencing headphones.  "Put these on," he directed Ben.

Ben complied.  Now he could barely hear Sam, but Sam made himself clear by signing out instructions with his hands.  He demonstrated the right stance and had Ben imitate him.  Once he was reasonably sure Ben had it, Sam got behind him and put the gun in Ben's hands, Sam put his hands over Ben's, showing him how to aim.  Ben nodded.

Finally, Sam snapped the clip in and mouthed "slow and easy" and motioned to the target. 

Ben sighted down the barrel and smoothly squeezed the trigger. He absorbed the recoil well as the target took a round in the shoulder. 

"Not bad," Sam mouthed.  Ben smiled.  Sam showed him how to put the safety back on and remove the clip.

With both sets of headphones off again, they could hear each other. "I think you're a natural," Sam complimented Ben.  "All it takes is a bit of practice.  Let me know if you ever want to come down and shoot."

"Awesome," Ben couldn't help himself. 

"Hey Sam?" Ben asked.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks...for the books.  I've never had anyone else understand shit like that," he said awkwardly.

"Believe me, I get it," Sam responded.

"You wanna come over later with Walker?" Ben asked.

"Heraclitus?" Sam asked.

Ben nodded.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Sam responded.  "And Ben, if you ever want to talk, about anything...bad stuff, something you're pissed at me for...something Dean does that makes you wonder why the fuck he did that...you can talk to me anytime.  I know I'm not your favorite person, and I know nothing has been fair, but I'm on your side."

Ben was still a bit wary, but nodded.

"Okay then," said Sam, "see you tonight."

Ben left the range accompanied by the sound of a hail of bullets as Sam expertly unloaded the remainder of the clip into the target.

 

 

 

 

 34.

It was coming up on Thanksgiving; just two days away.  Dean had been sure to ask everyone for their "must have" Thanksgiving essentials (Sam; green bean casserole, Ben; mac and cheese, Walker; mashed potatoes, Lisa; roasted acorn squash with brown sugar)  and he was making copious lists of ingredients.  Dora and Charlie and Scarlett weren't going to be able to make it this year, but Garth was coming and the bunker would be fuller than it ever had been as long as Sam and Dean had been living there.  (Garth requested marshmallow ambrosia salad....Dean rolled his eyes at that one, but Garth insisted it wasn't Thanksgiving without it; it's what his grandma used to make.).  Dean's own must-have list was a lot longer...turkey, cranberry sauce, bread stuffing...there was more....

Dean started brining the turkey two full days ahead.  He had spent his childhood fixing Sam Chef Boyardee and he seemed to spend his adulthood (at least around the holidays) trying to make up for that.  He was a fucking Martha Stewart around Thanksgiving.  In fact, Sam found every excuse to walk through the kitchen and call him "Martha" which always earned Sam a middle finger, much to Sam's amusement.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Garth arrived the day before and nearly tackled Dean with a hug when Dean opened the door.  He grabbed Dean's arm and fairly dragged him outside to stand next to the El Camino.  With a dramatic flourish, Garth whipped back the tarp on the bed to reveal 3/4 of it full of foil-covered round pie tins.  Dean's eyes almost fell out of his head.  "Garth, don't be a fucking tease man...tell me those are what I think they are."

Garth beamed.  "Yup; 2 of each...pumpkin, apple, mincemeat, apple-cranberry, French silk, blueberry, cherry, peanut butter chocolate, and lemon meringue." 

Dean gave Garth an exaggerated kiss on the lips.  "Whoa," Garth said, "buy a guy a drink first,"  but he was so happy to see Dean so happy.

Dean slapped him on the back and laughed.  "Let's get these inside," he said.  Good thing the bunker had that commercial refrigerator.  Dean thought he'd never seen such a beautiful sight as one entire side of the refrigerator full of pies.

Garth breathed deeply as soon as he entered the bunker and closed his eyes, looking like he'd stumbled across the rapture. "Damn, Dean," he said, breathing out after a long pause, "it smells incredible in here."

"Damn straight it does," replied Dean with supreme self confidence, "I'm doing the cooking."

Sam came over and gave Garth a hug, "Well, he's doing MOST of the cooking," Sam teased him.  "I'm chief potato peeler."

"Finally letting you hold a knife now, is he?" teased Garth.

Sam laughed and picked up one of Garth's duffels, "Come on, I'll show you where your room is."

As Dean headed back to the kitchen, Sam led Garth down one of the many corridors.

"Thanks so much for having me," Garth told Sam.  "The boat's pretty cold and drafty this time of year."

"Stay as long as you want," Sam said over his shoulder, "we're happy to have you.  And thanks for working that case with Dean in Indiana," Sam finished as he held the door open for Garth.  "It sounds like it got complicated."

"A little bit, yeah," confirmed Garth, "but nothing we couldn't handle."  Garth smiled.

"So I heard," replied Sam.  "Really man, thanks for watching out for him."

Something in Sam's voice made Garth look up from unpacking and he was surprised to see how intensely Sam was looking at him. "Don't mention it," said Garth quietly.  He completely understood Sam's feelings where Dean was concerned.

Sam nodded quickly and cleared his throat.  "Okay, see you out there when you're ready.  I'm pouring," Sam said as he turned to leave and gestured down the hall to the main room.

Garth loved the way Sam never skimped on liquor.  "If you're pouring, I'm drinking," Garth beamed.  He never knew that Sam served him about half what he served anyone else; making up for it with mixers.  Sam knew Garth was a lightweight, but it wasn't his fault; I mean, the guy weighed all of 110 pounds.  Garth always wondered why he was able to drink twice as much when Sam was serving him as he could anywhere else.  It made him feel like one of the guys and that's exactly why Sam did it.

 

 

 

 

35.

The next day, Dean was up at 5 am.  Sam stumbled to the kitchen, hoping for coffee, when he heard the clank of the pots.

"You here to gawk, or work?" Dean asked, all-business, his back to Sam as he worked away chopping celery.  "If you're gonna work in my kitchen, you're gonna tie that hair back.  I'm not going to have any fucking hippies working in here."

"Shit, Dean," Sam responded with a yawn, squinting in the fluorescent light.  He scratched his head as Dean paused to look him up and down.  "Is there any coffee?" Sam asked, barely awake.

"There will be as soon as you get to work and make some," Dean replied. "And you're not working in here like that.  Go brush your teeth and get dressed."  Dean held back his smile until he wasn't facing Sam anymore.

"Fuck you, Dean," Sam mumbled, grumpy, as he retreated to get dressed. 

Dean started making coffee for Sam as soon as Sam was out of view, chuckling to himself. 

 


	6. HOME (part 2) chapters 36-39

36.

They made a good team in pretty much everything they did.  Even working in the kitchen.  Dean loved barking out orders and, on Thanksgiving anyway, Sam was happy to follow them.  He chopped and peeled while Dean stirred and seasoned.  Each new person who showed up was given a job and by noon everything was underway and Sam was glad they had a commercial kitchen with an 8-burner range and a double oven.  Every once in awhile Sam had to stop and look around and marvel at his domestic goddess brother...the one time of the year he ever got to see this side of Dean. 

Their father would have died. 

By 4:00 the main table in the bunker was straining under the weight of everything.  There was barely a square inch of visible tabletop with all of the bowls and platters and casserole dishes.   Dean dropped easily into the chair at the head of the table and surveyed the spread with obvious pride.   Garth was going on and on in the seat to Dean's right about how incredible everything looked and how he had never smelled anything so good in his entire life.  Garth's eyes searched the table and Dean raised an eyebrow when Garth looked at him, slightly disappointed. 

"What?" asked Dean.

"Um, this is so amazing Dean," Garth started, but - "

"Someone looking for this...this...whatever the hell this is?" Ben walked in carrying one more serving bowl with a perplexed look on his face.

"I think Garth might be looking for that," directed Dean and Ben unceremoniously set the bowl down on top of Garth's plate. 

"There you go, princess," teased Dean.  "Ambrosia salad, whatever the fuck that is, from your grandma's recipe."

Garth didn't even hear the teasing.  His eyes fairly shone.  "Thanks, man," he said quietly.  He picked up his fork.

Sam cleared his throat at the other end of the table.  Garth sheepishly put is fork down and folded his hands.

"Uh, it's okay Garth, I mean, I know we really don't pray, but I just wanted to say something," Sam began.Dean rolled his eyes.

"C'mon, Sam, I'm starving," Dean whined.

"This'll just take a second," Sam said.  Sam looked around the table at Garth, Dean, Lisa, Ben, Walker....he swallowed.“I just want to say that it's awesome to have all of you here.  I'm sure this table has seen some pretty amazing things over the years, but I don't think it's ever seen anything like this," he gestured to all of the dishes in front of them.  "Having you all here, well, it's more than I could have hoped for," he finished. 

Sam ducked his head and sat down, squeezing Walker's hand. 

Dean hastily raised his glass before Sam could think of something else to say.  Dean already had a lump in his throat and he really didn't want to lose it here at the table.  "Happy Thanksgiving, Sammy," he said, as he started to stand up to carve the turkey.

"Wait a minute," said Ben as all eyes went to him.

"What, you too?" Dean sighed as he sat down again.

Ben stood up.  Dean was fidgeting like a kid but got very still when Ben looked at him and said, "I just wanted to say that Sam's right; this is more than I could have hoped for.  I didn't think I'd ever get to have, you know, anything like this again.  Me and mom and you, I dunno, this just feels more right than anything has in a long time."

"AMEN," said Dean emphatically, trying to hide his emotions as he stood up again.  "Okay, let's get this show on the road," he said, picking up the knife.

"Hold it," said Walker as she stood up.

"For the love of God, not you too," Dean rolled his eyes.  "Do I need to remind you that I'm not bad when it comes to throwing a knife, and I happen to have one right here, in my hand, right now?"

Walker smirked.  "Alright, I'll make it quick," she began.

"Thank God," Dean interjected, sitting back down heavily.

"I think all of us know what it's like to be alone.  More than most people," she said.  She saw Garth nodding in agreement.  "We know that there's no one up there looking out for us, so the best can do is to look out for each other."  Walker swept her eyes over everyone assembled at the table.  "And I think we all know how rare this is," she said as the gestured around.  "I know I couldn't be more thankful today.  For Sam, for Dean, for Ben and Lisa and other hunters like Garth who really get it."  She saw Garth wiping his eyes with his napkin.  "Thanks for welcoming me into this family.  I know I'm new here, but it feels like home."   Sam stood up next to Walker and hugged her.  She saw Dean smiling at her.

"Okay," Dean said with authority, standing up for the third time. "Is there anybody else that anyone wants to call up on speaker phone, maybe, to give a little speech?Or can we finally cut this bitch?" he said, gesturing to the turkey.  All he got in return was quiet laughter.  "Okay then, let's eat!" Dean declared.  He picked up the carving knife and stood up, poised over the crispy-skinned turkey.  He abruptly turned and handed the knife to Garth.

"M-me?" Garth stammered.

Dean winked at Sam at the other end of the table and Sam smiled back.  "You saved our asses this year, man," Dean said to Garth by way of explanation.  Lisa got up and went around to Garth giving him a hug from behind and saying, "I'm still here because of you.” Garth turned ten shades of red with everyone's eyes on him and Lisa's arms around him and barely squeaked out, "Thanks everyone.  I love you guys!".

Dean waved his hand, "Okay, okay, I'm gonna start ovulating if you don't carve that damn turkey."

Garth smiled and attacked the bird.  What he lacked in finesse, he made up for with enthusiasm and the turkey was disassembled in no time flat.   
  


 

 

37.

Lisa was sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter next to a mountain of clean plates, glasses, pots, and pans.  Everyone insisted that Dean not lift a finger to clean up after all the cooking he had done and they all pitched in to get the dishes finished in record time. 

Dean walked in, slightly distracted but looking totally at home; walking around in his socks with his favorite jeans on and his most comfortable flannel button-down, "Walker said you wanted to see me?" he smiled. 

Lisa looked down at the slice of cherry pie on the counter next to her.  She picked up a fork and stabbed an errant cherry, bringing the fork to her lips and licking suggestively around the fruit before closing her lips around it and swallowing; her eyes staring into Dean's the whole time.

"Jesus Christ," Dean breathed out as his hand went to his crotch to try to press back his rapidly-growing erection.  "Lis', you're killing me."  Dean was suddenly rooted to the floor, watching her do whatever she was doing to that damn lucky cherry.

She slid down off the counter, stabbed another piece of pie and walked towards Dean, holding the fork out in front of her.  He let her feed it to him and her cheeks flushed as she watched his lips close around the forkful of pie, followed by a downright sexual groan as he swallowed.

"Was that for me?  Or for the pie?" she smiled.

Dean looked down at her, "Do I have to choose?" he asked, smiling.

"Never," she said, rather breathless now as he gently lifted her chin and quickly found her lips, getting his tongue up against hers and groaning as her hand opened his jeans.  "I'm not sure I'd come out on top if you had to choose," she teased.

"You can be on top anytime you want," Dean flirted, kissing her deeply.

Lisa felt his hand on the button of her skirt (hey, it was Thanksgiving...she felt like dressing up a bit).  He had it, and her, completely undone in no time flat.  Her skirt fell to the floor and Dean looked down to see she that below the waist, she was wearing only her boots.  She caught his awed expression. "For you...all day I've been waiting," she whispered in his ear.  "I want you so badly."  She ran her tongue over his earlobe.  Dean shuddered and then wrapped her in his arms, his tongue in her mouth making speech impossible.  Dean broke contact long enough to quickly turn away and lock the kitchen door and when he turned back around, Lisa, wearing only her light sweater and leather boots, was leaning over the counter and looking back over he shoulder at Dean, her eyes dark and warm.  God, the things she did to him. 

Dean liked it best when she was on top. He liked to watch her when she came.  Her head thrown back so her long hair tickled his thighs.  She'd bite her lip when she wasn't calling out for God or Dean and her breasts would sway as she rode him.  The sight of her above him like that was such a miracle and the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.  It was like porn and church and about a million other things and feelings he could not name.  He would never get enough of seeing her like that as she would cry out and bury him as deep as possible inside her.  Watching her come was what sent him over the edge most times.  He liked for her to let go first, wanted to be sure he'd pleased her, then he would follow enthusiastically.  But if she wanted it like this, up against the counter, here in the kitchen, he wasn't going to argue. 

He let his eyes go from her gaze to her perfect ass and he felt all rational thought leave his brain as he watched her slowly and deliberately place her right foot about two feet apart from her left.  The heels of her boots put her ass at the perfect height.  Half a second later he was behind her, his chest against her back as she felt his hands under her sweater, one hand around each breast as his smooth, hard dick rubbed insistently between her legs.He felt her wet heat on him as he slid into the slick, burning hot triangle her open legs afforded him.

"Yeah, oh my God Dean, come on, want you to fuck me," she confessed to the counter in front of her. 

Dean liked it when she talked dirty...he felt himself get even harder.  "God, you feel so good....so fucking good."

Dean kissed the back of her neck and pushed into her with a groan which was answered with one of her own.  Shepushed back against him.  So incredibly hot. 

"C'mon baby, let go," she gasped out between thrusts "Don't...hold...back".  And he didn't.  The dishes on the counter to the side of them began to shake and jump.  Lisa reached down to touch herself as he pushed in relentlessly from behind. Even though Dean found Lisa touching herself to be one of the hottest things in the world, this time, he wanted to be the only one touching her; driving her wild.  He was still plastered to her back and whispered, "Just hold on baby, I'll take care of you." 

Lisa put her hands back on the edge of the counter, trying to brace herself the best she could.  The pleasure coursing through her was an avalanche and she closed her eyes and pictured Dean's lips next to her ear and his perfect ass keeping up the incessant rhythm behind her. 

Dean reached down and quickly found what he was going for.  Her clit was so incredibly hard and she fairly gasped when he brushed a finger over it.  He settled in to a punishing pace but kept the pressure on her clit consistent and firm.  Lisa was about to go out of her mind.

"Oh my God, Dean, Dean..harder, please, please." she begged and he felt her clamp down around the entire length of him and then he felt her muscles flutter and ripple up and down his cock as she moaned and came and begged him not to stop.  It was the begging that was the last straw and he pushed deep and pulsed into her feeling himself let go like he rarely did.  He surged inside her and kept on coming into her for a good full minute, along to her moans of, "Oh yeah, oh my God, just like that." They rode the aftershocks together until he finally collapsed onto her back, pinning her against the counter as they both gasped for breath. 

Only then did they realize that there were about five plates smashed on the floor around their feet; driven off the pile of clean dishes by all the shaking.

Lisa felt his full weight on her and heard him say, barely in a whisper, "God Lis', I love you so fucking much."  Dean had an arm around her waist now and she reach down and twined her finger through his.  She thought she felt him shudder.  He pulled out slowly and she twisted to face him.  She was more than a little surprised to see that his eyelashes were wet.  Dean saw the concern in her face and just pulled her against him.  She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. 

Standing there, half naked in the kitchen, Dean had never felt more like he had everything to lose.  The entire day; having Thanksgiving and Sam there and watching how happy Sam was with Walker; how Garth was rendered speechless by the dinner Dean had slaved over (how else was Dean going to show everyone how much he loved them?) and then the raw openness with Lisa...the way she gave herself to him with complete trust...it had all overwhelmed him for a minute. 

She didn't ask him to explain, just held on.

When he broke the embrace she looked up at him.  He was coming back to himself so she smiled and said, "That, Dean Winchester, was worth waiting all day for."  That got a smile out of him.

Dean quickly wiped his eyes.

"Hey," Lisa said seriously, "Is there something you wanna talk about?"

Lisa could see that words were utterly failing him.

But he tried anyway. 

" 'Lis'," he said, looking down at her with all defenses utterly blown away, "I just don't deserve it this good."  He looked away but she gently turned his face back to hers.

"You," Lisa said firmly, "have given all your life.  To your father.  To Sam.  To any stranger that needed you.  You deserve to be happy.  Not to mention you just totally rocked my world."  Lisa smiled. "I mean, look around," she gestured to the porcelain shards under her boots, " the damn dishes exploded.” She smiled up at him and he laughed.  The sound of Dean laughing always melted her heart. 

A small smile twitched at the corner of Dean's mouth.  "Thank you," he said quietly as he kissed her.

Lisa marveled at how intense and vulnerable he could be, this man she loved.  "Believe me," she reassured him, "you gave as good as you got." 

Dean loved hearing it, though he'd never believe it.

"I guess we should clean this up," Dean looked around at the broken china with a bit of pride.

Dean and Lisa both jumped when there was suddenly a horrendous pounding on the outside of the kitchen door (thank God for locks). They could hear Garth's muffled voice, "Dean, are you in there? Are you okay, man?  I heard the crash!  Hang on, I'm working on the lock, just hang on, I'll get you!"

Shit.  Dean and Lisa both went diving for their abandoned clothes but the clicking noises coming from the door lock suddenly stopped and they could faintly hear Sam's voice telling Garth that it was okay.  Garth was insistent, but so was Sam and eventually there was a quiet knock at the door and Sam's voice, barely audible through the great insulation, "I assume you two are okay in there?".

"Never better, Sammy," Dean yelled out.

"That's what I thought," replied Sam and Dean could almost see the smirk he most decidedly had on his face on the other side of the door.

 

 

 

38.

Sam was sitting on the couch, staring into the fireplace in a food-induced stupor, glass of whiskey in his hand when Dean plopped down heavily next to him.   The lingering scent and Dean's smile were unmistakable.  "Dude, don't tell me you had sex in the damn kitchen," Sam implored, though he already knew the answer.  But he noticed Dean's eyes were a bit red and that concerned him a bit.

"Don't ask unless you want to know, Sammy," Dean looked over at him with an enormous grin on his face, but there wasn't much bravado behind it. 

"We need more disinfectant around here," Sam said with mock distain.

"Says the guy who has sex on our dining room table," Dean smirked at him.

"HAD...once," Sam tried to correct him, "Are you ever going to let that go?"

"Nope, not a chance," Dean responded.

"I didn't think so," confirmed Sam, but he was smiling.

Dean leaned back into the couch and threw one arm out along the top of the backrest with his other arm over his stomach, "God, I'm gonna fucking explode," Dean groaned.  He'd completely overdone it at dinner.  But it was Thanksgiving.  That was kinda the rule. "Thanks for saving us...in the kitchen...from Garth," Dean said.

"Yeah, he turned about ten shades of red when I had to tell him what I thought was going on in there and that you were only probably in danger of a friction burn," Sam smirked.

"Garth's about as subtle as a bulldozer," Dean said.   Sam nodded in agreement.

Sam leaned back too and put his head against Dean's arm.  He turned his head to look down the couch at him.  Dean looked back, "What?" he asked Sam affectionately.  When Sam looked at him like that, it didn't matter that Sam was 36, all he could see was Sam at around 7, snuggled up against him in some run-down motel room as he tried to reassure him that their dad would come back. That it would all be okay.  When all Sam had was Dean...the only barrier between Sam and all the loss he'd suffered throughout his young life.  The only constant.  Dean absentmindedly put his hand behind Sam's head and Sam automatically leaned into it.

"Can you even believe this?" Sam asked. 

"Believe what?" Dean responded.

"This," Sam continued.  "Here...us...Lisa...Walker..."  Sam trailed off.

Dean didn't need him to get more specific.  "I know," he said.  "It's like it's too good; like you're waiting for something bad to happen, aren't you?"

"Yeah," admitted Sam.

"Well, it's not going to," Dean told him, looking directly into his eyes.

"But it always - " Sam started.

"Not this time," Dean cut him off.  "This is not 'always', this is now and this our life and it's good and we should just shut up and fucking enjoy it."

"I am," said Sam.

"Then stop analyzing it so much," Dean roughed up Sam’s hair.

"Damnit, stop it!" Sam wrestled his hand away.  Then he got quiet again.

"I said stop thinking," Dean gave Sam's shoulder a shove. 

Sam caught Dean’s wrist and held it.Dean had a questioning look in his eye when Sam looked up at him."I know I never say this," Sam said, not letting go of Dean's wrist.

"Don't wreck the moment, Sammy," Dean teased him quietly.

"No, I just want you to know...I love you," Sam said, looking away and dropping Dean's wrist.

Dean was feeling simultaneously a bit high from Thanksgiving and sex and he'd basically just lost it like a girl there in the kitchen while Lisa held him.  He felt exactly the same way Sam did.

He grabbed Sam and hauled him into a hug, "Love you too, Sammy".  Dean put his hand against the back of Sam's giant, grown-up head the same way he had when Sam was little. 

"I just want to keep things the way they are right now," Sam said into Dean's shoulder.

"Me too, Sammy," said Dean, giving Sam a final squeeze, "me too."  Dean let Sam go and got up, "Gonna hit the shower," he said before this whole thing got more emotional than he could take.

" 'Bout time," Sam teased.

"Yeah; you're just jealous that Lisa wanted me to bend her over the counter and - "

"God, Dean!" Sam began.

"That's what she said," Dean teased.

"Just please stop talking right now," Sam begged.  "Or I'm never going to be able to set foot in our kitchen again."

Dean smirked as he turned to leave.

"Hey Dean?" Sam called after him.

"Yeah?" Dean stopped and looked back.

"Thanksgiving today; you fucking nailed it," Sam complimented him.

Sam didn't think Dean's sex-with-Lisa smile could get any bigger, but it did.  "Yeah; that turkey was fucking perfect." Dean admitted.

"It was all perfect," Sam said with a wistful seriousness that made Dean's throat tighten.  Dean recognized Sam's comment for exactly what it was; acknowledgment of the fact that he knew why Dean worked so hard on Thanksgiving; he knew he was trying to make up for the many near-starving Thanksgivings of their childhood.

"Thanks, Sammy," Dean said in a soft tone that let Sam know that Dean got it completely.

" 'Night, Jerk," Sam called after Dean.

" 'Night, Bitch!" Dean called back.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sam sat alone in the small room.  Maybe Dean was right.  Maybe he thought too much.  Feared too much.  REALLY feared loss WAY too much (but who the hell didn't?).  Today with everyone had been so great.  Sam had felt a warmth that should have been part of every single one of his childhood memories, but was sadly lacking from all but a few. 

This thing he wanted to do.  This thing with Adam.  Suddenly, it looked much more risky and a lot more dangerous.  Before, he didn't care about risking it all for something when it was the right thing to do, and he knew he couldn't back down from this one.Not doing it was just wrong.  But he needed help.  A few months ago he would have gone it alone in a heartbeat; would have tried to keep Dean out of it just to keep him safe and who gave a fuck what happened to Sam himself.  Not Sam, that was for sure.  But now...

"Hey you," Sam jumped slightly to hear a familiar voice so close to his ear but he relaxed as he felt Walker's hair hanging down over his shoulder as she leaned over the back of the couch.  "You were a million miles away," she said.  "What's going on in there?"

Sam leaned his head back and put his hand behind her neck, guiding her down so he could kiss her.  Walker felt an incredible amount of tenderness  there.  She reached down and opened up a few buttons on Sam's shirt, just so she could get her hand on his skin.  He caught her hand with his and held it over his heart.  When Sam opened his eyes, he could see she was still waiting for an answer.

"Just thinking about what I have to do," he admitted.

"Adam?" she asked for clarification.

"Yeah, Adam," Sam confirmed. 

Walker leaned down again, kissing as much of Sam's neck as she could reach.  Sam closed his eyes and gave a contented sigh as he tangled his fingers in her hair.  He started to relax under her touch and her mouth. 

She stood up behind the couch and ran her hands through Sam's hair.  "Let me help you," she said.  "We can get started tomorrow. We have everything we need for the locating spell," she reminded him. 

"Mmmm, okay," Sam replied, closing his eyes again and just enjoying the feel of her hands on him.  He was tired from the emotion of the day, totally stuffed from Dean's amazing Thanksgiving dinner, and now Walker was doing a good job of distracting him.  He locked away his thoughts about Adam for one more night as he reached back and easily grabbed Walker, hauling her over the back of the couch and into his lap where she landed with a delighted squeal. They made out on the couch; slow and hot and gentle, just like they had the first night in the cabin.  Sam was only too happy to take Walker's hand and follow her back to his room.

 

 

 

39.

The next day, they had everything laid out that they would need for the locating spell.  Dean surveyed the array.  "You sure this is going to work?" he asked.

Walker regarded him skeptically, "I got a straight four-point in ancient languages," she said, "what'd you get?" 

Sam smirked and then laughed out loud.  He loved that Walker wasn't afraid to throw it right back at Dean.

Sam poured the concoction over the map of the world that they'd laid out and lit it up with Dean and Walker looking on.

When everything had burned, all that was left was the town of Bullard, Texas. 

"Let's see what's in Bullard, Texas then," said Sam sitting down at his laptop.

The first article that came up about the place was about their division-winning football team.  Sam read further.  "This is weird," he said.

"What?" asked Dean."You already found something weird?  Like 'our kind of weird’?"

"No, but there's a division one football team at this private school," Sam said in disbelief. "At a private school?  You never see that."

"Only in Texas, right?" said Dean.

"Yeah, I guess so," said Sam, reading on.  "The Brook Hill School," he read absentmindedly.  "It's a Christian school."

"Texas, Sam," Dean pointed out the obvious.“It’s like the fucking center of the football universe down there,”  Dean flipped open his own computer to help with the search.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sam replied as he continued to look for anything unusual going on in Bullard, Texas, but an hour later he came up empty.  Ditto for Dean.  Sam was starting to wonder if he'd gotten all of the ingredients right for the locating spell.  Unlike Dean, he had full confidence in Walker's translation.  He was just about to give up for now when he brought up a local online newspaper from a year ago.  The front page had a photo of the quarterback of the football team, "Austin Bradford" the caption said, being carried off the field by his cheering teammates after winning the state championship.  Sam thought _‘maybe...no, no way.  It couldn't be.’_

"Hey Dean," he said, "take a look at this."

Dean looked at the article, "Yeah, so a bunch of Jesus freaks won the state championship.  So what?"

"Look at the quarterback...the guy they're carrying, number 13...does he look at all familiar to you?"

"Not really," said Dean, "what am I looking for?"

"Hang on," said Sam and he quickly copied the photo onto his desktop and clicked around awhile before presenting a new picture to Dean.

"I ran it through some reverse aging photo software," he said matter-of-factly.  "Now?"

"Holy fuck, it's him," Dean said, astonished.  "How'd you do that?" he asked Sam.

"Can’t give away all my secrets," Sam teased, "but I think Jesse is a goddamn division one high school quarterback at a Christian prep school in Texas."

"I thought he zapped himself to Australia after the last time we saw him," said Dean.

"Well, the locator spell doesn't lie," said Sam.  "It's gotta be him."

 


	7. HOME (part 2) chapters 40-45

40.

Dean wandered out into the main room with his coffee later that day and surveyed the scene in front of him.  The main table was entirely covered with books.  Sam was in one corner working between the laptop and the book next to it.  Across the table, Ben and Walker were pouring over another ancient-looking volume.

"Well," announced Dean loudly, "since it looks like we're opening the flagship campus of Geek U., can we at least have a frat?"

Without looking up Sam said, "Dean, you ARE the frat," which got a chuckle out of Walker and Ben. 

"Damn straight," said Dean proudly, "all work and no play Sammy, you know that doesn't end well.  That's why you've got me.  What are you two doing over there?" he asked Ben and Walker.

"She's teaching me Aramaic," said Ben with clear excitement in his voice.

"He's a fast learner," said Walker proudly.  Ben smiled.

"Are you trying to make absolutely sure he never gets laid?" asked Dean.

Walker regarded Dean over her glasses, "You know, Dean, some women find intelligence incredibly hot," she said, fixing a rather smoldering gaze on Sam.  Sam looked up and actually blushed a bit, looking down again quickly.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Walker found Dean in the kitchen a few hours later.  "Hey, Dean," she began, "can I talk to you?"

"Sure," he said, putting down his Coke and turning around, "What about?"

"Ben," she said.

"Okay, what about him?" Dean asked.

"He's smart," she replied.  "I mean, he's not just straight A's smart...he's really smart.  The connections he makes between things when he's learning, well, I never see that; I didn't even see it when I was at Princeton."

"That's my boy!" said Dean with a slight smile.  "So what's the problem?"

"He needs to be in college," she said.  "There's only so much Sam and I can teach him.  Honestly, I think that he'll be beyond my level soon."

That hit home to Dean.  The obscure shit that Sam and Walker could get lost in seemed impossibly complex to him and to hear that she thought Ben was ready for something beyond that...Dean didn't know what to say.

"Okay, look," started Dean, "I just don't know much about this. Sure, I'd love for Ben to go wherever he needs to go, but I have no idea how to even start."

"I can help," she said.  "I've done it all before; the applications, the financial aid, the scholarship forms...and I know that sort of thing bores Ben, but I think if I push him a little, he'll get through it."

"You'd do that?" asked Dean.  "Lisa tried, but...." Dean trailed off.

Walker put her hand on Dean's arm, "Sometimes it works better if it's someone other than your mom pushing you," she said.  "As long as it's okay with Lisa, I'd really like to help him."

Dean wanted Ben to have everything, even the things he couldn't possibly give him.  He hauled Walker into a hug and Walker, though a little surprised, hugged back.

"Talk to Lisa and let me know," she finished as she broke the hug a little sheepishly.  She looked up at Dean.  He looked worried.

"What's the matter?" She asked with genuine concern.

"If he goes, I mean, he's a Winchester, shit tends to follow us home.How the hell can I keep him safe if he's not here?" Dean was surprised how easy it was to open up a bit to Walker.  No wonder Sam liked her.

"This process isn't going to happen overnight," she said.  "You'll have at least a year before he can get into college.  Can you teach him what he needs to know to stay safe out there?"  Walker said with an air of practicality.

"I just never wanted him to have to learn any of that," said Dean, frustrated.

"Dean, all Ben wants to be is a hunter, exactly like you," Walker said.

"What?  No, he's all about the books," Dean said with a dismissive huff. 

"No, Dean, I've spent time with him and he's looked up to you since he was a little kid.  He wants to be exactly like you," she insisted.

"Well, that's not going to happen," said Dean forcefully, "I'm not going to let him become a hunter."

"Then he has to go to college," Walker finished.  Dean saw how she'd planned this circular argument right from the beginning. _‘Touche'_ he thought.

"Okay, I get it," said Dean, sounding a bit tired.  "Sam and Dora and I, we'll teach him what we know.  I know I can't be next to him 24/7," Dean admitted.  "I just want him to be safe."

"You know what that makes you?" Walker asked.

"A dick who can't protect my own son?" Dean retorted.

"No," said Walker, "it makes you a good parent," she finished with a small smile.

"Okay, I'll talk to Lisa," confirmed Dean. 

"Good," replied Walker.

"Hey, Blue," Dean called out as Walker was leaving the room. She didn't turn around.

"Blue!" he called.

She turned around slowly, "Are you talking to me?" she asked, looking around as if there must be someone else whose attention Dean was trying to catch.

"Yeah...you do realize you're named after a bottle of Scotch, right?" Dean teased.

"So I've been told," she replied.  "But I prefer to think that Rufus named me after one of the great loves of his life, right or wrong."

Dean smiled.  "I think he'd like that - you seeing it that way," said Dean.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He insisted on calling her "Blue" from then on.  The first time Sam heard Dean call her that, he knew.  He knew Dean was okay with her.  He quietly pulled Walker aside when she gave Dean a slightly irritated look at the nickname.

"It's easier if you don't fight it," Sam told her.

"Is it too much to ask to actually be called by my name?" Walker asked Sam, slightly annoyed.

"No, this is good," Sam reassured her.

"And just how is this good?" she questioned, looking up at him.

"It's just Dean's way, okay?" Sam tried to explain.  "Everyone he cares about gets a nickname," Sam smiled.  Lisa had told her that Sam and Dean were close.  She was starting to get it.  There really couldn't be one without the approval of the other.  She hadn't been trying to get Dean's approval, but somehow she had gotten it and if she had to be honest, it felt pretty good.  Besides, the way Sam was smiling at her, and now, shit, the way he was kissing her...Sam kind of got off on this whole family thing.  And she definitely got off on Sam.  
  


 

 

41.

Dean talked to Lisa that night.  Walker was startled when Lisa showed up in the doorway of what was fast becoming her own private study with the fireplace.  Before Walker could say anything, Lisa blurted out, "Thank you."  Lisa's eyes were shining.

"For what?" Walker asked, looking up from her book.

"For helping Ben."  Lisa bit her lip, "I can see how excited he is when he's talking something over with you.  How much he wants to do well for you."

"He's pretty extraordinary," Walker confirmed.  "He should be somewhere that challenges him."

Lisa nodded.  "Just, 'thank you' doesn't cover it," she said quietly. 

"Happy to help," Walker replied with complete sincerely.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After dinner that night (the leftovers were awesome), Sam looked pointedly across the table."Uh, Dean, can I talk to you for a second?  Take a walk with me," Sam said quietly as Walker and Ben were clearing the table.

"Uh, okay," Dean said warily, but he followed Sam down the corridor towards the garage.  They didn't see Ben excuse himself from table-clearing duty to go get some coffee.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once inside the garage, Sam turned to Dean.

"What's with the cloak and dagger, Serpico?" Dean asked, taking a drink of his coffee.

Sam shook his head in exasperation at Dean's mixed metaphors.  "I gotta get to Texas, Dean," Sam started, his face so earnest that Dean couldn't really look away.  "I gotta see if Jesse, Austin, whatever, can help us."

"Hold on Sammy," Dean said, "You said you weren't in a hurry; that you'd take your time and learn everything you could and not rush into this."

"I've been studying with Walker, like 14 hours a day," Sam responded.He needed to try to convince Dean.  "Now, we know that the Antichrist gets his power from Lucifer, right?"

Dean nodded.

"Okay, and Lucifer's been locked away for years," Sam continued.

"Yeah, okay..." Dean followed Sam's logic warily.

"So, I think that Jesse is probably not all that different from any other teenager...I don't think he'll have access to much of the power he had back when Lucifer was out," Sam continued.

"And that means what, that he won't be able to do anything for us? I mean, if he's a regular kid...." Dean was interrupted by Sam.

"I think that because Lucifer isn't anywhere nearby, Jesse's going to be pretty safe to be around right now," Sam reasoned.  "But I need his help to even get close to the cage....to Adam," Sam continued, is voice getting a bit of a pleading tone.

"But the closer Jesse gets, to the cage and to Lucifer, the more powerful he'll become and the more of a loose cannon he'll be," Dean finished.

Sam swallowed and nodded.  

"Great," commented Dean, "And you think he'll help you get to Adam how, exactly?

"I'm still working on that," Sam admitted.  "But I gotta get down there and see if I can even talk to him."

"Yeah, like some teenager is going to just open up to some 36-year-old dude who wrecked his entire family the last time he saw you," Dean scoffed.

Sam shrugged, "I have to try, Dean...it's our brother."

Sam and Dean were both startled when the door between the hallway to the garage swung open and Ben was standing there.  "I want to go," he said.

"Fuck, Ben, you ever hear of knocking?" Dean snapped.  "Go where, exactly?" he asked.  He wondered how much Ben had heard.

"To Texas," Ben responded.  "Whatever you're working on, I want to help."

"Oh no way," Dean responded.  "No fucking way in fucking hell am I letting you get into this."

"Hang on a second, Dean," Sam said quietly.

Dean snapped his head around to look at Sam in disbelief, "Are you fucking kidding me, Sam?!"

"Just hold on," Sam said, his hands held up in front of him trying to calm Dean down.  "You said it yourself; I may not exactly be Jesse's favorite person."

"Who's Jesse?" asked Ben from his post over by the door.

"Nobody," Dean shot back at Ben, shutting him down.  Sam looked over at Ben apologetically.  "Oh no," Dean looked back and forth between Ben and Sam, "You two are NOT going to 'two-against-one' me!"  He said menacingly.

Sam overrode Dean, "Jesse's a special kid," he said, addressing Ben directly,  "He's a quarterback at a school in Texas and I think, because he's special, that he could help us get someone out of a really bad situation," Sam explained to Ben as vaguely as possible.

"Is this someone that you put in a bad situation?" Ben asked.  Ben was perceptive.

"Stop talking, Sam," Dean warned him.

"Yeah, it's our fault that the situation is as fucked-up as it is," Sam admitted, completely ignoring Dean’s request.

"Godamnit, Sam," Dean sighed heavily.

Ben looked back and forth from Sam to Dean, "Well, speaking as someone who was on the receiving end of a fucked-up situation that you two created," he said pointedly, "I want to help fix it for someone else."

Dean put his hand to his forehead like he felt a migraine coming on.   "Damnit, Sam," was all he could say, again.

"Look," Sam tried to reason with Dean, "Ben's about Jesse's age...if he could get close to him, talk to him a little, find out how much he knows about who he is and what he's capable of," Sam reasoned.

"And Ben's just going to what, show up and join the football team at some fucking Christian prep school?" Dean asked loudly.

Ben didn't really know what Sam and Dean were planning, but he was putting it together quickly and he knew a little about jocks, "I could see if they'd take me on as a tutor...you know, for the guys on the team," Ben interjected.

Sam raised his eyebrow hopefully at Dean like it was one of the best suggestions he'd ever heard.

"No.  Fuck no.  No fucking way," Dean insisted. 

"Come on, Dean," Ben pressed his case, "You know I'm old enough to make my own decisions," he said calmly.

Dean was stuck.  The last thing he wanted was for Ben to go anywhere near anything to do with hunting...but his conversation with Walker was still in the back of his mind...if Ben was going to go away to school eventually, he'd have to know how to take care of himself anyway or Dean would go out of his mind worrying about him.  And ultimately, there was Sam and his nightmares and his guilt about Adam; much of which Dean shared. Even though they had not grown up with him, Adam was their family.  Adam was where he was because of them and for no other reason.  Dean sighed heavily.  "Lisa is going to fucking kill all three of us," he said flatly.  Sam huffed in agreement.

Ben broke into a huge grin.

 

 

 

42.

Lisa knew that when the three of them (plus Walker) asked her to come in and sit down that it probably wasn't going to be good.  "I don't like the way all of you are looking at me," she said.  "What's this about?"

Sam cleared his throat but Ben put his hand up to stop him, "Mom, someone's in trouble and I want to help Sam and Dean help them," he tried to put as positive a spin on it as possible.

"And this 'person', " Lisa asked warily, "are they a hunter?"

"No," Sam responded truthfully.

Lisa looked Dean in the eye, "Tell me," she said, "Tell me everything and God help me, no, actually, God help YOU if you leave anything out."

So Dean told her.  It went against his instincts, but his instincts, as far as Lisa was concerned, had resulted in nothing but unhappiness in the past, so he told her the whole truth.

When Dean finished, Lisa sat in stunned silence.  "A brother?" was all she could say.

 

 

 

43.

Lisa was not okay with it.  She wanted reassurances from Walker that this was not going to derail the possibility of Ben going to college.  Walker assured her that it wouldn't.  That it would take awhile to apply and that the soonest he could get in would probably be next fall; just over a year away.  Walker also, practically, pointed out that having a stint as a tutor on his college applications wouldn't hurt; it would look better than missing a couple of years between high school and starting college. 

Her other fears Lisa only shared with Dean later.  Was Ben going to be in harm's way?  Dean told her Sam's theory about Austin/Jesse which alarmed her at first, but Dean reasoned that Ben was better not knowing what Jesse was; it would keep him safer to just not know.  And Jesse was likely not very powerful right now.  Dean told Lisa his fears about letting Ben out of his sight; even to go to college and Lisa reluctantly agreed that Ben should be taught some of the skills that were essential in Sam and Dean's world.  She had gone into this with a full understanding of what their lives were like.  She knew that she and Ben were part of that life now and that would not change as long as she and Dean were together, which, she hoped, was for the rest of their days. 

Dean pointed out that Lisa had felt better after learning how to handle a rifle.  She had to admit that he was right; and she had done that entirely on her own.  If Ben had some supernatural survival skills, she knew he'd be safer.  She could see Dean was worried and wasn't taking this lightly.  For once she felt like she had a partner in raising Ben.  Dean wasn't going to let Ben do anything stupid.

"And Lis', when Ben's in Texas, you know Sam and I will be right there.  I would never let him go alone," Dean promised. "We'll get a place outside of town so we're close and Ben can check in. Walker might go to help with research and - "

"I want to go too," Lisa said suddenly.  She expected some push-back from Dean; some argument about her being safer at the bunker, but a small smile curled the corner of Dean's mouth.  "You think you'd be okay if you're there and Sam and I have to go out hunting?" he asked.

Lisa nodded, "I told you," she reminded him, "I know it's who you are and it's part of your life and if it's part of your life, it's part of mine too."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," Dean said, looking truly filled with wonder at Lisa's acceptance.

"I don't know either," Lisa teased, "but if you get on your knees you might be able to convince me that you deserve me."

"Oh, I'm very convincing," Dean smirked, moving from the chair to the floor in front of Lisa.

"I know," replied Lisa as she felt Dean's hands reaching up to pull her hips down.

 

 

 

44.

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas began Ben's training.  Dean called Dora, filled her in on what they hoped to teach Ben, and she agreed to come over on weekends and help out, after Dean put up with her slightly-predictable, "I still can't believe you found someone who was willing to reproduce with you," comment.

Ben would keep studying ancient languages with Walker and would learn some useful spells and exorcisms.  Sam offered to work with him at the shooting range.  Dean and Dora would split the duties of teaching hand-to-hand combat and how to effectively wield a knife.  Dean hoped he could call on Cas for training on angel blades and sigils.  Dean also wanted to be the one to teach Ben how to disable and, if necessary, interrogate a demon.  Good thing Ben was smart.  This was going to be a crash course.  The plan was to head to Texas after New Year's Day so Ben could try to get on as a tutor for the spring semester at Austin's school. 

Dean was already grousing about how having everyone along was going to make it a "fucking circus", but he secretly welcomed the support; moral and otherwise, that Lisa and Walker would be . This was mostly a fact-finding mission....since Austin/Jesse was likely almost powerless, Dean figured it would be a cake walk.

 

 

 

45.

Dean never knew exactly when Cas might show up, so he sent up a prayer at the start of the week and Cas just about scared the shit out of him when Dean suddenly caught a glimpse of him, standing behind him, in the bathroom mirror when he stood up from brushing his teeth.

"Jesus Christ, Cas," Dean exclaimed, "I thought we agreed, no surprises."

"Why are you surprised that I am here when you are the one who called for me?" Cas asked with a confused look on his face.

"Nevermind.  Forget it," said Dean with a sigh.

"What do you want, Dean?" Cas asked earnestly.

Dean spit into the sink one last time and turned around to face Cas, only to realize that Cas about four inches from him.  "A little personal space, Cas, please?" Dean implored, trying to look anywhere but directly into Cas' eyes which were right in front of his face.

"Oh, sorry," apologized Cas, stepping back about a foot.

"Thank you," said Dean.

"You're welcome," replied Cas.  "You didn't call me here to request 'personal space', did you?"

Dean rolled his eyes.  "No, I didn't," he said patiently.  "I called you here because I was hoping that you could work with Ben a little bit."

"Work with Ben on what?" Cas inquired.

"On training him.  With the angel blade and the sigils," Dean replied.

"And why does he need to know those things?" asked Cas.  "I thought you said there was, and I think you said exactly, 'no way in hell' that Ben was going to become a hunter."

"I did say that," Dean admitted, "but Cas, Ben is a Winchester. He's mine."

"I thought as much," Cas said without emotion.

"You 'thought as much' and you didn't TELL me, Cas?!" Dean's voice rose.

"I didn't know anything for sure Dean," Cas replied, "but Ben likes what you like and also likes what Sam likes..." Cas trailed off.

"Great, so I'm the last to know," groused Dean.

"You always knew," said Cas, looking into Dean's eyes.  "I've seen into your soul Dean.You always knew."

Dean blinked hard.  He couldn't argue with that.

"So you have changed your mind about Ben becoming a hunter?" Cas continued.

"No, Cas, I haven't changed my mind, but I want him to be safe out there," Dean explained.

"Are you planning to leave him again?"  Cas asked directly.

"What?!  NO! Never Cas; Jesus you know how to drag up the painful shit," Dean complained.

"I was not trying to drag up any 'shit'," Cas began.

"I know, I know," said Dean, stopping him.  "Look, Ben is smart.  He needs to go to college.  He won't want to live here forever and he shouldn't want that.  I need to know he's safe out there or I'm going to go out of my fucking mind.  I know the fact that he's a Winchester won't be a secret forever.  Something's going to find out who he is and he has to be ready."

Cas nodded, looking thoughtful.  "I see your point," he said.

"And he's going to help Sam and I out with...fixing a mistake from a long time ago," Dean had no intention of telling Cas about their plans in Texas.Yet.

"And this 'mistake' involves hunting?" Cas asked.

"Yes," Dean replied honestly.

"Dean, I'll be happy to work with Ben on his skills," said Cas. Dean breathed a sigh of relief.  "But Dean, you have to be careful – “

"I won't let anything happen to him," Dean responded, cutting Cas off.

"I don't mean careful about Ben's physical health.  I know you can protect him," said Cas, "but if Ben is a Winchester, he comes from a long line of hunters.  He's predisposed."

"What do you mean?" asked Dean.

"Like a family that has a history of alcoholics.  The children born into that family are more likely to become alcoholics themselves," Cas explained.

"Well aren't you a Physician's Desk Reference full of information," Dean groused.

"Listen to me, Dean," Cas said seriously, "You let Ben get a taste of hunting and he may have a hard time turning away."

"Okay, so what am I supposed to do, Cas?" Dean started to raise his voice, "just send him out there unprotected?"

"Of course not," replied Cas.  "I'm just telling you to be careful; you may want to keep him from getting too involved."

"Noted," said Dean stonily.

"Where is Ben now?" asked Cas.

"Probably sleeping like every other human on the planet," responded Dean, "Cas, it's 5:00 in the morning."

Cas looked confused.  "You're up," he pointed out to Dean.

"Yeah, because I'm a fucked up son of a bitch who can't sleep for more than three hours at a time," Dean responded.  "Hang on a second, I'll get Ben."

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Twenty minutes later Ben walked out into the main room of the bunker, dressed and ready but rubbing his eyes.

"That was considerably longer than a second," Cas pointed out.  Dean rolled his eyes.

Cas stood up, "Hello, Benjamin," he said, extending his hand.  "It's good to see you again."

"Hello Castiel, sir, it's an honor."  Ben shook Cas' hand and made a clumsy attempt at a bow.

"Jesus Christ," exclaimed Dean, "You two are like two virgins going on your first date.  Ben, this is Cas.  Cas, this is Ben.  That's all there is to it.  Besides, you've met before."

Cas shot Dean a look of annoyance.  "Yes, we have met before, but those were under trying circumstances."  Cas looked back to Ben. "You can call me ‘Cas’," he said.  "There's no need to bow, but it's nice to be introduced to someone in this family who has decent manners," he said, looking directly at Dean as he said it.

Dean shot Cas an exasperated look in return.

"Thank you," said Ben.  "You can call me ‘Ben’."

"I think we should start with the sigils," Cas looked a sleepy Ben up and down.  "We'll get to combat later."

"Whatever you think is best, sir," Ben responded.  "Er, I mean, Cas."

"How come you never call me 'sir'?" Dean complained to Ben.

"Seriously?" asked Ben, looking at Dean.

"Okay, okay, I'm outta here," Dean said, turning to head back down the hall.  "You crazy kids knock yourselves out.  But Cas, please don't literally knock him out, okay?"

"Okay," said Cas, finally breaking into a smile. 

 


	8. HOME (part 2) chapters 46-49

46.

Ben was sitting at the main table in the bunker and he swore he was alone in the room, but suddenly someone had an arm around his throat and was starting to cut off his air.  He had an initial wave of panic, then remembered what he'd been taught.  Dean was lying on his back on the floor, coughing, with the wind knocked out of him in no time flat.

"Jesus Christ, Dean," Ben coughed.  "Could you please stop attacking me all the time?!"

"You gotta...be...ready," Dean said between gasps for air. 

"Yeah, well, I'd like a second to relax without thinking I'm about to get choked to death," Ben shot back.

Dean propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at Ben. "Nice move, by the way," he acknowledged.  "Did Dora teach you that one?"

"Cas taught me," Ben said with a hint of pride in his voice.

"Damn; our little feathery fairy taught you how to do THAT?" Dean asked, smirking.

"You know, Dean," Ben replied, "you really ought to respect him a bit more.  I mean, he's a warrior, for God's sake."

"Whatever," Dean said, waving his hand dismissively.  "Not a bad move, not bad at all."

Ben snorted, "Threw your ass down pretty fast..."

"Hey!  Speaking of respect…” Dean complained as he got to his feet and brushed himself off.

 

 

 

47.

A week and a half before Christmas, Sam and Dean dragged a struggling figure through the doorway and down the stairs into the bunker.  There were muffled curses raining down from under the hood over the person's head.    When the captive was safely secured in the bunker's dungeon, Dean went to get Ben.

"You have WHAT?!" Ben exclaimed.  "You have it here?Right here in the bunker?"

"You need to practice," Dean said simply.  "This is the only way."

Ben took a deep breath and followed Dean into the dungeon.  Sam was already there, slowly walking back and forth, keeping an eye on their detainee.  He gave Ben a small, encouraging smile when he came in.

Ben looked at the woman in the chair.  Well, she was barely a woman; she looked to be a year or two younger than Ben.  Her eyes were completely black, edge-to-edge.  This made her eyes look huge; like two large holes in her face.  She regarded Ben cautiously before breaking into an evil smile.

"Why'd you have to get a girl?" Ben asked Dean.

"Because it's harder," Dean responded.  "It's harder to watch a girl in pain, unless she's a complete and total bitch, of course," with that Dean gave a sarcastic smile to the demon tied to the chair.

"Fuck you," replied the demon in a gravelly voice.

"And you want me to hurt her?" Ben asked incredulously.

"No," chimed in Sam, "but expelling a demon doesn't feel very good to the body of the person they're riding.  It can be hard to watch," he warned.

"And if I expel the demon, will the girl live?" Ben asked.

"That's the goal," replied Sam, "but you should know that it doesn't always go that well.  However, the body this demon chose looks healthy and uninjured, so the chances are good."

The demon ran her hands over her own breasts and fixed her gaze on Ben.  "This body is in great shape.  This body feels REALLY good," she said.  "Warm, wet...I could do things you can't even imagine."

"Shut your trap you slut," Dean barked at the demon.

The demon whipped her head around to look at Dean, "I wasn't talking to you, grandpa," she spat.  She looked seductively over at Ben again, "I was talking to the hot one." 

Though the timing was completely inappropriate, Sam was unable to choke back a laugh at the "grandpa" comment.

"Are they all like this?" asked Ben, way more disgusted than aroused.

"No," said Sam, "but she probably thinks she can get to you this way because you're young.  I mean, uh, you know, sex is, um, kinda all-consuming at your age," Sam said awkwardly.

Ben turned slightly red but didn't respond.  "Okay, what next?" he asked.

"Well," said Dean, "first Sam and I want to get some information out of this bitch.  You can just watch and learn."

"Don't hurt her!" Ben exclaimed.

"Yeah, don't hurt me," chimed in the demon, with a sarcastic edge to her voice.

Ben shot it a look, "I want the girl to live," he said quietly to Dean.

"We do too, kid," replied Dean.  "We'll do our best."

Sam and Dean walked up to the edge of the Devil's trap.  Sam had Ruby's knife, just in case anything got out of hand.  And Dean, well, Dean had Sam, so he was good.

"Okay, bitch," started Dean, "when was the last time you heard from dear old Dad?"

"That's a stupid question you cocksucker," the demon regarded Dean with disgust.  "You know we haven't heard from him since YOU locked him away."

"Nothing at all?" asked Sam.

"There might be one thing," the demon teased, then looked over at Ben, "but how about you have him come over here and ask me real nice."

"You leave him out of this," Dean threatened.  But before he could say anything Ben was at his side.  "Ben, get back," Dean said forcefully.

Ben ignored him, "What do you want to tell me?" he asked the demon directly.  The demon squirmed in her seat, happy that she had gotten someone to do what she had asked.

"Come over here next to me and I'll whisper it to you," she said seductively.

Ben started to move into the circle of the Devil's trap but Sam flung an arm out, blocking his way.  "I can do this," said Ben.

"We're not letting you go it alone the first time," Sam said with calm determination.  Ben rolled his eyes.  "Remember what we taught you; it's always better to have backup.  You gotta learn that it's way better to come home in one piece than to go it alone."

"You want to get closer to it?" Dean suddenly asked.  "Go ahead."

Sam's eyes went wide, "Dean, she doesn't even have her hands bound.  What they hell are you -"

Dean held his hand up to quiet Sam, "The man said he can do it. Let him do it." Dean said with a slight bit of sarcasm.

This riled Ben.  After all he'd learned...he'd jumped through every hoop and completed every task put before him in the past three weeks.  He'd been physically attacked at all hours of the day and night by Dean and Dora and even Cas in an effort to get him "ready for anything at any time".  (Fighting off Cas just after stepping out of the shower was something he hoped never to repeat in his lifetime.)  He was tired.  He was over it.  He was determined to prove to Dean that he could do it.

He gave Dean a defiant look, stepped inside the circle, and walked up to the demon.  The demon promptly grabbed Ben by the balls and squeezed hard.  Ben gasped and fell to his knees but the demon kept a hold of him, even adding a little twist for good measure. The pain was immense.  Tears sprang to Ben's eyes.  He couldn't quite believe how fast it all happened.  Relief flooded over him when he felt the demon release its grip and he looked up through his blurry vision to see Dean holding the demon's head back by the hair, acut sizzling at its throat from the blade of Ruby's knife which was firmly pressed into the incision. Blood was running down her collarbone at a fairly good clip.The transfer of the knife from Sam to Dean had happened so quickly, Ben hadn’t see it.Of course, he had been a bit distracted at the time.

"No!" gasped Ben.  "Don't kill her," he said weakly as he tried to get to his feet, but he stumbled and fell back to the floor.

Sam appeared at Ben's side and helped him up.  He leaned on Sam and, wincing, straightened out as much as he could before looking down at the demon.

"Now," said Dean from behind the demon, "What was it you wanted to tell him?"  He kept the knife firmly pressed to her throat.  "You know what this knife is and what it can do.  Make no mistake, I WILL end you if you try to pull anything else."

The demon nodded, but Dean didn't move the knife.  He actually pushed it a little deeper and the demon cried out.  Ben started to move forward, wanting to stop Dean from killing the girl, but Sam quietly said into Ben's ear, "It's okay; he knows what he's doing.” Ben stilled.

"I haven't heard from him, okay?!" the demon choked out.  "But about once a year, I feel this surge.  I can't explain it to piss ant humans like you; you wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean 'a surge'?" asked Ben, continuing to lean on Sam.

"It's energy.That's the best way I can describe it.  Black, dark, powerful energy and it gives you this high.It's what demons feel when we're close to our Father.  We used to feel it all the time.  It's better than crack.  No one has felt it since you assholes locked him away."  She tried to look up at Dean behind her but he continued to hold her head immobile as the knife sparked and sizzled at her throat.

"But," prompted Dean.

"But sometimes there's still a spark; like electricity," she continued.

"And that means what, exactly?" asked Sam.

"I don't know for sure, but it has to mean that he's still alive.  I like to think it means he's winning down there, in the cage.  I like to think we feel it every time he makes Michael take it up the ass when he bends him over and - "

The demon was cut off mid-sentence when Dean pressed the knife harder and the blood started to flow more freely.

"Dean," admonished Sam, "let Ben."

"Let me what?" asked Ben nervously.  "I can't cut her throat!" he protested.

"Not cut her throat," Sam reassured, "send this demon back to hell."

Ben was hugely relieved.  "Oh, okay," he replied.

Sam handed him one of the many ancient books of exorcisms that lay scattered around the bunker, but Ben stopped him.

"I got this," said Ben.

"But it's really important to get it exactly right or it can really screw up the host's body," Sam insisted.

"I said I got this," Ben replied calmly.

Ben closed his eyes and with his photographic memory, it was almost like he was reading it off a page that was imprinted directly on his brain.  "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus..."

Ben recited the exorcism flawlessly, and in record time, black smoke was streaming from the mouth of the possessed teenager.  It headed quickly for the duct that had been installed in the dungeon decades ago specifically to provide an escape route for a damned soul headed back to hell.  The girl in the chair slumped to the floor.

Like a light switch being thrown, Dean went from torturer to medic, calling out to Sam for bandages and enlisting Ben’s help to apply pressure  to the girl's wound.  She was still breathing, but it was shallow. 

Dean looked up from dressing the girl's injury.  "You did good, kid," he told Ben, matter-of-factly.  "But we're not done."

Ben looked at him questioningly. 

"We need to get her to a hospital; so now you're going to learn how to make sure someone gets taken care of so that no one knows you were ever there," he filled Ben in.  "Can you walk?"

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Ben shot back.

Dean ignored the comment, "Come on, we have to get her some help, she's slipping," Dean said as Sam came back into the room.

"The car's running right outside," Sam informed them.

"Okay, help me get her out there," Dean said as Ben struggled to his feet again and got a shoulder under the girl's armpit.

 

 

 

48.

It was touch and go getting her to the hospital.  There wasn't much time for Dean to explain why they couldn't just drive up to the emergency room, why they had to leave her in the parking lot, as close as possible to the entrance, and use an old burner cell phone to call it in.  They stayed with her until they heard the ER staff shouting, "Over there!!!  She's over there!" and then they quietly retreated and watched from the tree line as she was lifted onto a gurney.

  
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Dean stopped at the gas station on the way back to the bunker. When he came back out to the Impala, he was carrying a small bag of ice wrapped in a towel.

"What the fuck is that for?" asked Ben, wincing.

"The family jewels," Dean said simply, tossing the wrapped bag to Ben who caught it deftly.

"You're kidding, right?" Ben asked, "You want me to put ice on my balls?"

"You'll thank me later if you do," replied Dean.  "If you ice 'em now, you'll be back to spanking the salami in a week instead of two."

"I'll be back to 'spanking the' - oh my God I cannot believe you just said that," said Ben, getting red with embarrassment.

"Oh come on now," Dean poked at him, "it's perfectly natural.  Didn't your mom have 'the talk' with you?" Dean asked with mock sincerity.

"Uh, yeah, when I was like 9," Ben responded.  "And I wanted to die then too.  Can we please stop talking about this?!"

Dean shrugged, "Okay, fine."

"You knew she'd do that, didn't you?" asked Ben pointedly.  "You knew if I walked into that demon trap, she'd do that."

"I thought she might," responded Dean.

"Because...it's happened to you before?" Bean questioned.

"Yup," said Dean.

"You know, a little heads-up would have been nice," Ben said as he shifted the bag of ice to his crotch.  Damn this whole thing was beyond embarrassing.

Dean sighed and for the first time that day, looked over at Ben sympathetically.  "Sorry," he said, "but some things you have to learn on your own.  You wanted to show me up so badly that even if I had warned you, you would have stepped up to that demon and the same thing would have happened."

"Probably," grumbled Ben.  He hated that Dean seemed to know him so well sometimes.

"Hey," said Dean, reaching out and putting a hand on Ben's arm, "I used to be your age," he said knowingly.

"Impossible," teased Ben. 

"Shut up," replied Dean.   


 

  
  
  
  


49.

Dora had a Scotch in her hand and some Billie Holiday on the ancient phonograph.  She loved pretty much everything about the 21st century...the music...the weapons...the cars...the fact that she could marry a woman she loved (that alone blew her mind daily) but every once in awhile she enjoyed indulging in something from the era into which she was born.  Her solitude was broken by Ben entering the room.

"Do you mind?" asked Ben gesturing to the seat across the table from Dora.

"Be my guest," she said with a small nod.  She grabbed another glass and poured Ben some Scotch.  She gave it a hard shove and it sailed across the table.  Ben caught it easily and gave her a slightly conspiratorial look. 

Ben smiled appreciatively, "Don't know what Dean would say about this," he said.

"Yeah, well, your dad's a pain in my ass," Dora said affectionately. "I say, if you've been learning to fight like a hunter, you need to learn to drink like one too.  But this stuff is way better than what you'll get at any roadhouse out there."  Dora smiled and held up her glass across the table from Ben, "You did good today, kid," she said with a nod.

"Before or after you kicked my ass?" Ben chuckled.  "I'm so damn sore I don't really feel like I did well today."  Ben took a drink and tried to act like drinking finely aged Scotch was a regular thing for him. 

"That'll help with the soreness," Dora winked at him and poured a bit more into her own glass.  "And really, you're a natural. But I'm not surprised considering your dad and your uncle.  You just need a bit of practice."

"I don't call him 'dad'," Ben pointed out.

"Yeah, I noticed that," responded Dora.

Ben took a drink and just let the silence hang there.

"He's one of the good guys," Dora said suddenly.  "One of the best, really."  She would NEVER say this within Dean's earshot. The man already had an over inflated sense of importance.  But Dora knew from Charlie that that was pretty much an act.  Dora would never tire of yanking Dean's chain.  Charlie was the only one who knew Dora's big secret; that she had nothing but the utmost respect for Dean.

"It wasn't always easy," Ben admitted.  "You know, life with Dean."

"Oh the man is a complete and total fuck up," Dora snorted. "You'll get no argument from me there."  She smiled, relaxing into the smooth burn of the Scotch.  "But he wants you to be okay. You know, really okay."

Ben looked at her with a quizzical expression.

"Look, usually, Dean wants to control everything...if you need to be safe, then the only choice, usually, in his mind, is to make you stay here, in the bunker, total lockdown, stay where he can see you.  He thinks everything depends on him.  He's scared shitless of anything getting out of control; out of his control," Dora leaned back and regarded Ben closely.

"Well, he sure as hell can't control me," Ben responded.

"That's the thing," said Dora, "I would have bet money that once he found you, he would have tried to control you; make sure that all risk around you was minimal to nonexistent.  Keeping you safe should have been the first priority in every decision he made about you.  But - "

"But what?" asked Ben.

"But he doesn't want you to hate him," Dora said matter-of -factly. "He doesn't want to be the asshole drill sergeant that his father was.  He wants you to have choices.  He wants you to have what he and Sam never had."

"You're saying Dean and Sam didn't have choices?" Ben asked incredulously.

"Not always," Dora responded, "Their dad and, hell, the whole universe had ideas about how they needed to live their lives.  They did pretty well, considering."

"They didn't do that well all the time," Ben challenged.

"True," responded Dora, "But Ben, I've been around.  I've been around a long time.  I've seen some incredible cruelty in this world."  Dora remembered the mustard gas in WWI.  "I've seen incredibly bad luck, and suffering caused by human incompetence and bad decisions."  Dora remembered the day the Titanic sank. "And I've seen love and this, kiddo, what Dean has for you and what he's trying to give you, is love. Now, the idiot may have no clue how to actually tell you that he loves you, but this...all this...all this training and just the fact that he called me and Cas to help out...he wants the best for you and this is how he shows it."

"It's not just because he needs my help with this thing in Texas?" Ben asked warily. 

"Hell no!" responded Dora.  "He needs you, kid."  She finished her Scotch.  "He needs you to find your way and be alright so he knows that when he leaves this earth someday, he made the absolute right decision about something."

Ben nodded slowly.  He saw Dean enter the far end of the room and he shot Dora a look and cleared his throat trying to give her a clue.  She winked back, understanding perfectly.

Dean surveyed the scene in front of him, including the open bottle and Ben's empty glass.  "I can't believe you're wasting the good stuff on him," Dean admonished Dora. 

"Well, he deserves it today," Dora responded.  "I haven't had my ass kicked like that in years."

Ben's eyes went wide.  Dean turned to look at Dora, "To hear Ben tell it, he got HIS ass kicked by a girl today."

"You calling me a girl?" Dora questioned.  "You want me to make you take that back?"  She leaned forward as if she were going to get up.

"Hold your horses, Xena," Dean put his hands up in mock surrender.  "I think we're all a bit tired of getting our asses kicked around here.  Lemme have some of that," Dean gestured at the bottle.

" 'Lemme' what?" Dora asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Jesus Christ," griped Dean.  "Do you think you might be able to pour me some Scotch, PLEASE?"

"That's more like it," responded Dora, pouring Dean a generous glass.

"Thank you, your majesty," Dean responded sarcastically.  He took a drink, "Shit, that's good."

Dora nodded, "Amen," she agreed.

Dean looked over at Ben, "there's something else we have to do," he said.

"There's something else we still have to do TONIGHT?" Ben whined.  "Dean, I'm beat."

"Well, all you have to do is lay still for this," Dean started to explain.  "Think you can handle that?"

"Yes?" Ben responded cautiously.  "What're you going to do to me now?"

"We have to get you inked up," Dean said simply.

"Huh?" asked Ben.  The Scotch was making everything warm and a little bit fuzzy.  Ben wasn't much of a drinker, at least not recently.

Dean unceremoniously pulled down the neck of his sweatshirt to reveal his anti-demon-possession tattoo on his chest, "You need one of these," he explained.

Ben started to go a little pale.  "You want to stick me with needles?" he asked.

"Not me...Dora'll do it," Dean said, then looked at Ben again, "Hold on.  You're telling me that you've spent the last three weeks learning about as many sonofabitch creatures as we know exist and how any one of them could seriously fuck you up in a heartbeat and you're scared of a few needles?"

"Dean, you don't have to make him feel like he has to man up," Dora said with surprising concern...her tone of voice was the one she usually reserved only for Sam.  "Give the kid a break."

Though still pale, Dean's prodding had the desired effect and Ben's face hardened a bit.  "Bring it," he said defiantly to Dean.  Ben turned to Dora, "You any good?" he asked.

" 'Am I any good'," Dora said mockingly.  "Just wait here a minute."  Dora got up and left the room. 

"Where's she going?" Ben asked.

"No clue," responded Dean as he reached for the unguarded bottle of Scotch.

"If I get a tattoo - " started Ben.

Dean cut him off, "No 'if' about it Ben, you gotta do this.  If you're going with us, you gotta do this."

"Okay," Ben acquiesced.  "But it keeps me from getting possessed by a demon, right?"

"Bingo," responded Dean.  "Seems like a good trade off to me."

Ben nodded.  He remembered his mom being possessed.  He never wanted to experience that again.  In fact..."Shouldn't mom get one too?" he asked.

"Definitely," Dean responded. 

"Good," replied Ben.  They both knew what the other was thinking about; one of the worst days of both their lives. 

The quiet was broken by Dora re-entering the room dragging Charlie with her.

"I'd prefer NOT to be your human business card," Charlie complained, "I was almost to level 39!"

"Come on," said Dora, "show them."

Charlie sighed and turned around so her back was facing Dean and Ben.  She pulled her shirt over her head, holding it against her chest.  Ben gasped.  Charlie's back was covered with beautiful, intricate, amazing artwork.  There was barely an inch of untouched skin.  Everything from Hermione Granger to Wonder Woman to mythical symbols to leaves and trees and even a bit of computer coding were gorgeously intertwined in shades of black and gray. It seemed to go on and on and be impossibly intricate; like a pop culture version of something M.C. Escher might have done. Charlie's extremely fair skin was the perfect canvas.

Dora regarded Ben with a bit of pride.  "She had to tell me what all of this shit meant," Dora admitted, "but tattooing is sort of a hobby of mine.  Plus, I get to admire my handiwork whenever my wife here wants it from behind - "

Ben covered his ears, "Oh my God; you people really don't have many boundaries around here do you.  I do NOT need to know this!"

Dean and Dora exchanged perplexed looks then looked back at Ben.  Dora shrugged.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean said.

Charlie, still pressing her shirt to her chest, rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder at Ben.  "No, they really don't have many boundaries.  Everyone's embarrassed by it but them."  She shot Dora a look.

"Uptight much?" teased Dean, holding out his glass for more.

"Well, I enjoy it - the tattooing," Dora repeated.  "I'll leave it at that."  She drained the rest of the bottle into Dean's glass.

Dean snorted, "Most women take up yoga or knitting."

"Screw you, you sexist pig," Dora managed to somehow say with affection.

"Can I get dressed now?" asked Charlie.  "It's not exactly warm in here."

"Sure, hon," Dora said, giving Charlie a slap on the ass.  "Here," she said, offering Charlie what was left in her own glass,  "This might warm you up."

Charlie downed it gratefully.

"So, Ben," Dora asked, "this isn't something I say to guys very often, but, wanna strip for me?"

Ben reddened slightly but smiled, "Sure," he said.

"I'll be gentle," Dora reassured him.

" 'Gentle'?" Dean asked incredulously.  "Last time I had you touch mine up you almost killed me!"

Ben began to get pale again.

"Oh, quit whining," Dora said to Dean.  "I only do you that way because you're a bit of a masochist and I'm pretty sure you get off on it."

That shut Dean up.  He only mumbled under his breath, "Do not."

Dora heard him.  "Well, I'm sure I wasn't imagining that impressive boner you were sporting the day I touched up that tat of yours - "

"I so do not want to hear this," Ben said, putting his forehead down on the table.

"Okay, sorry," said Dora.  She couldn't resist one last jab though, "He knows I'm right," she said, looking at Dean who was actually starting to get a bit red in the face as he looked away.  Dora knew she'd won this one.  She looked at Ben and gestured to the couch in the next room, "Come on, it's okay."

  
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Ben hated needles, but about 15 minutes in he was doing okay.  He had his eyes shut and was surprised to feel someone's hand roughing up his hair.  He looked up to see Dean.  "You okay?” Dean asked him, true concern in his voice.

"Yeah, it's not that bad," Ben responded.  Then winced when Dora hit an especially sensitive spot.

Dean smiled, sat down next to Ben and put his hand on Ben's forearm.  Ben was glad to have it there and closed his eyes again.

  



	9. HOME (part 2) - chapters 50 - first part of chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I feel I should apologize for the length of chapter 51...but it was a blast to write and I have a good SPN friend who loves Christmas....this one's for you, bitch!)

50.

Christmas wasn't going to have the grandeur of Thanksgiving this year; everyone in the bunker was getting ready for their trip south.  But Christmas wasn't going to go completely unrecognized.  Not if Dean had anything to say about it. 

Money was a bit tight with the upcoming trip and the fact that everyone had been concentrating on learning what they needed to know and getting Ben up to speed...they hadn't exactly had time to hustle pool or search out a high-stakes poker game, though Charlie had boosted their collective bank account with some of her online winnings.  Well, "winnings" was a generous way to put it; really Charlie had figured out years ago how to beat the system by hacking into the software that ran those online poker sites.  She made sure never to win too much from any one site, so no one got suspicious. 

Sam tried to keep some kind of track of the finances (Dean sure as hell wasn't going to).  About a week before Christmas, around the dinner table one night, when, by some miracle, everyone was there, eating at the same time, Sam cut through the chatter around him and asked for everyone's attention.

"Uh, I don't know how to say this," Sam started, "we're doing okay, but I wondered if we could keep it low-key for Christmas this year."

"I don't know if I can return the Ferrari," Dean said sarcastically between bites of Sam's chili.

"Very funny, asshole," Sam responded. 

Dean smiled.

"No, really," Sam said, "we've got everything we need here...I think if anyone's going to give gifts it ought to be something we make ourselves."

"Like Little House on the fucking Prairie?" Dean asked.

"Yeah Dean, just like that," Sam gave him an exasperated look.

"I think it's a great idea, Sam," said Lisa from her spot next to Dean.

"Well thank you," Sam replied.  "I think it'll mean more this way anyway."

"Great," complained Dean.  "I'll go make room in my drawer for all of the itchy sweaters and homemade I.O.U. coupon books."

"What makes you think you'll be getting anything?" Sam asked.

Dean gave Sam his best 'fuck you' look.  "C'mon Sam, we spent our entire childhood with crappy Christmas presents.  What's a little more on the credit card gonna hurt?"

"You wanna get a regular job?" Sam asked Dean pointedly.

Dean ignored him.

"That's what I thought," Sam responded to Dean's wordless admission.

"So I'm supposed to figure out how to pull eight gifts out of my ass by next week?" Dean asked.

"I'd really prefer it if my present didn't come from there," Sam replied, deadpan.

"What makes you think you're getting anything?" Dean said sarcastically.

Sam ignored him.  "I think we should draw names.We should each draw two and those will be the people we make presents for."

"I'm game," said Walker.

"Me too," chimed in Ben.

"Okay, so we'll have everyone here, plus Garth." Sam wrote the names down and tore the paper in to small pieces.  "Obviously if you draw yourself, throw it back."

"I wish I could throw you back," Dean groused to Sam.

"You in or out?" Sam asked Dean.

"I'm in," Dean said begrudgingly.

"Oh, and I think all of us should give Scarlett a gift....I mean, she's the only kid here and that's really who Christmas is for.  If anyone's going to spend any money, maybe it should be on Scarlett," Sam finished.

  
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Later, Dean caught up with Charlie in the hallway.  "Hey, you know how to knit, right?"

Charlie didn't know how to respond.  Why in the hell was Dean asking her about knitting?  "Uh, yes, I know how to knit," she said cautiously.

"Can you help me with something for Sam?" Dean asked.

"Come on, Dean," Charlie used her "mom" tone of voice that she usually only used on Scarlett, "I think Sam wants us to actually MAKE gifts for each other; not bribe someone else into doing it for us."

"I don't want you to do it for me," Dean said, "I want you to show me how to do it."

"Wait, hold the phone, YOU want to learn how to knit?" Charlie asked, not really believing Dean.

"Hey, I'm good with my hands!" Dean protested.

"Yeah, I bet you are," Charlie teased him.  "Sure, okay, I'll show you.  How about out in the garage tonight?"

"I'll be there," replied Dean.

Charlie didn't know quite what to make of the huge, up-to-no-good smile that spread across Dean's face.  
  


  
  
  
  


51.

Scarlett's squeals of delight woke everyone up around 7:00 am on Christmas morning.  Charlie told her she couldn't open anything until everyone was awake and she was just about to jump out of her skin with excitement.

When everyone, still a bit sleepy, had gathered around the tree that Sam had plugged in earlier, Scarlett finally looked up at Dora with a pleading expression and asked, "Now momma?"

"Yes sweetheart," replied Dora, "everyone's here so you can open your presents...only the ones with your name on though, and save that big one for last," she said pointing to the largest box under the tree.

"THAT one is for me???!!!!" Scarlett squeaked.

"Yes, but save it for last," Dora already had to remind her.

Scarlett opened the first box.  "That one's from me to Scarface," Dean said.   Scarlett looked at the contents, confused.  She held the open box up for Dora to see and said, "Momma, what is it?"

"Jesus Christ, Dean, you gave her a slingshot?!"  Dora said in exasperation.  "Why didn't you just give her an eye patch to go along with it and it would have saved us all a lot of time!"

Charlie put her hand on Dora's arm and looked over at Dean.  Quietly, she said to Dora, "I'm sure there's more to it."

"Now, hold on," said Dean, smiling, "Come over here kiddo," he said to Scarlett, patting the floor next to him, "and bring your present."

She did and Dean deftly pulled back one of the ping pong balls he'd included and shot a small, lightweight box off the stack of other boxes with ease.  Seeing this, Scarlett's eyes got big and a huge smile crossed her face.  "I wanna try," she said.

"Whoa, hold it," said Dean.  Holding the slingshot out of Scarlett's reach.  "Now this isn't a toy.  You know how when me and Sam and your mom go to the shooting range we wear those funny glasses?"  Scarlett nodded.  "Well, that's what you have to do too."

"Just like you?" Scarlett asked, hopefully.

"Exactly like me," responded Dean.  "You can only use this at the shooting range, okay?"

"M'kay," agreed Scarlett solemnly.  "I love you, Uncle Dean," she said as she hugged him.

"I love you too, kiddo," he said quietly.  "Now hurry up and get to those other boxes before I open them myself."

With that threat on her mind, Scarlett scrambled to her feet and back over to the pile of presents.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Scarlett opened the next box and pulled out a soft thin red blanket.  "That one's from me," offered Lisa.

"But I already have my blanket," Scarlett said.  She still carried around the ratty blanket that Sam brought her home in as an infant.  It was the only thing that he and Dean took from the cabin where her family had been massacred before they set it on fire.

"And I would never EVER ask you to leave your blanket for a new one," Lisa told her.  "This isn't really a blanket...it's like a coat for your blanket.  Do you ever wonder if your blanket gets cold?" Lisa asked.

"No," said Scarlett, appalled at the idea.  "I don't ever want my blanket to get cold!"

"Well, you put it inside this and zip it up and it will keep your blanket warm," Lisa told her.  "And when it needs it, you can take the coat off and give the coat a bath."

"That is the best idea EVER," said Charlie who was always bothered by the ratty blanket that she could never really get away from Scarlett long enough to clean properly.

"Ben was little once," Lisa said slyly, and winked at Charlie.

"Thank you, Aunt Lisa!" exclaimed Scarlett.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," she replied, smiling.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Mine next," said Garth.

Scarlett tore into it and pulled out a stuffed sock with sewn-on button eyes.

"Mr. Fizzles!" Scarlett exclaimed, giving the stuffed sock a hug. Then she looked at Garth with questioning eyes, "But he doesn't talk," she said, holding the gift out to Garth.  "Make him talk, Uncle Garth."  Like all children, Scarlett loved her Uncle Garth's talking sock puppet.

"Well, now," said Garth, "this is Mr. Fizzles' brother Mr. Sizzles.  Mr. Sizzles doesn't talk." 

"Sounds like he's Mr. Fizzles' paralyzed brother," said Dean under his breath as Sam elbowed him in the ribs.

"Mr. Sizzles is good for hugging when you fall asleep," explained Garth.  "And if he talked, he'd keep you up all night."

"I love Mr. Sizzles!" exclaimed Scarlett.  "Will Mr. Fizzles come and visit his brother?" she asked.

"Definitely," responded Garth.  "Maybe even tonight."

He was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek from Scarlett.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Get the one in the green paper," said Sam to Scarlett.  "That's from me."

She dug through the pile, her enthusiasm making everyone in the room smile.  "Found it!" she proclaimed proudly. She tore into it and found a softball, a glove, and a football.  "Will you play catch with me uncle Sammy?" she asked. 

"Absolutely," responded Sam.  "I'll show you how to catch...and not like a girl either," he winked at her.

"And this is just like what they have on TV," she said, holding up the football. 

"You know," Sam told her, "they have women kickers on pro football teams now...just wanted to cover all bases so to speak," he said looking over at Charlie and Dora.  "You never know what she'll like."

"Thanks, Sam," said Charlie as Dora smiled next to her.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Scarlett went back to the pile of presents and came up with a flat package with a small wrapped box attached to it.  "From me," said Walker. 

"Oooo, pretty!" exclaimed Scarlett as she opened the book inside the package to find page after page of designs for her to color. 

"Wow, smart," said Dora when she got a look at one of the pages.  Each design was a protective symbol or sigil of some kind.

"Rufus did this for me when I was little," explained Walker.  I was coloring away on stuff that looked like maybe it came from a stained glass window or something; all of these designs, but I was memorizing them without even realizing it."

Before Walker could even finish the explanation, Scarlett had the box of colored pencils open and was going to town.  "She loves coloring books," said Charlie, "She's always trying to draw in regular books, thanks."

"There are some blank pages at the back where she can make her own designs," Walker winked at Scarlett.

"What do we say?" Charlie prompted Scarlett.

"Thank you, Aunt Walker," Scarlett said, still deep in concentration with her coloring.

Sam pulled Walker a bit closer, " 'Aunt Walker', huh?" he whisper to her, "I like the sound of that," he said as he kissed her.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Hey, kiddo," said Ben, "you're going to have to go search for your present from me.  Here," he said handing her several notecards with simple directions.  Scarlett quickly set aside her coloring book and jumped up to follow the clues; written simply so that she could read them herself.  Her search led to the little room with the fireplace where she called for Ben to help her take down a single stocking hanging there.  "It's not Christmas without a stocking," Ben explained as he and Scarlett returned to the group around the tree.  Scarlett delighted in tearing into the stocking to find candy, a little camera that Ben had fashioned from an older cell phone ("I disabled everything on it but the camera," he explained to Charlie and Dora.  Scarlett immediately insisted that the first picture be of her and Ben and then she happily ran around showing everyone), a hand-written coupon for a day of hide-and-seek and movies at the bunker with Ben, and a pair of Scarlett-sized cowboy boots.

"Those are adorable," Charlie exclaimed. 

Ben shrugged, "Mom helped me find them and figure out her size," he offered, smiling over at Lisa.  "I figured she'd need some boots for riding," he said to Dora.

"Riding what, momma?" Scarlett asked.

"Maybe you should go check out that last present," Dora told her, "That big one over there.  Hey, Sam would you help her lift the box off?"

"Sure thing," said Sam as he went over to the box and he and Scarlett counted down dramatically, "Three...two...one," and Sam lifted the box off to reveal a bicycle with training wheels.

Dean let out a low whistle, "Wow, your moms got you your first ride, you're not a kid anymore, kiddo," he said, smiling.

Scarlett squealed with delight and let Sam help her onto the bike. The training wheels kept her upright and she pedaled a few loops around the packages in the room as if she'd been doing it for years.

"We'll take to over to the garage later," Dora said.  "There's room to ride in there."

Scarlett climbed off and ran over to hug Charlie and Dora, "Momma, this is the best Christmas EVER," she said to them.

"We love you sweetie," Charlie said, squeezing her tightly.  "Now how about you do a little more coloring in your book from Aunt Walker while the rest of us open presents,"

"M-kay," said Scarlett happily as she went back to the coloring book on the floor, the rest of her gifts spread out around her.  She paused every few minutes to look up at her new bike and smile.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Okay, let's get this show on the road," proclaimed Dean, clapping his hands together.

"Me first!" exclaimed Charlie.

"Alright," said Sam, handing her an envelope. 

Charlie ripped into it and pulled out a piece of paper with something that was indecipherable to most people written on it. But Charlie broke into a grin.  "Oh my God, Sam, you cracked it!" she exclaimed with a squeal, jumping up to go hug him and almost knocking him over. 

"What is it?" asked Dean.

"It's a code," replied Charlie giving Sam a kiss on the cheek, "for hacking iTunes.  I've broken into so many systems and I never could get this one.   Okay everyone, if you ever want some free music, it's on me!" she announced gleefully.  "Thanks, Sam, this is awesome," she beamed.

"You're welcome," said Sam, winking at her.

"I've got something with your name on it, Charlie," Garth said.  He slid a box to Charlie across the floor.  Charlie opened it and looked down at the roughly 10-year-old cell phone she was holding.  She looked up to Garth for an explanation.

Garth had an exceedingly smug expression on his face, "I know it doesn't look like much, but that phone is 100% secure, off-the-grid, untraceable and runs on its own kinetic power source that is constantly recharging itself.  It's also un-hackable...you could use this in the center of the CDC building and not a soul would know," Garth smiled proudly.  "Not the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, FEMA, no one.  I've been working on the technology for awhile now...maybe you could beta test it for me?" he asked hopefully.

"Garth, you're an absolute genius," gushed Charlie.  "You used old technology to circumvent the most advanced stuff out there.It’s amazing!Thank you SO much!" she exclaimed, and Garth received a very athletic hug of his own.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Dora was up next.  "Okay, follow me," said Dean. 

Dora looked at Dean with a raised eyebrow.  "YOU drew my name?" she asked, skeptically, "Great," she pronounced sarcastically.

"Quit rolling your eyes; you're going to hurt yourself," Dean shot back, "Shut up and follow me,"

Everyone got up and followed Dean out to the garage. 

"And I'm supposed to be looking at..."  Dora questioned.

"Over there, dumb ass," Dean said, gesturing to the corner.

"So...you're giving me my own motorcycle?" Dora asked skeptically.

"Would it kill you to get closer and take a good look at it?" Dean asked.

Dora strolled over.  Her eyes went wide.  "Oh my God, how did you...." she trailed off.  It was her favorite Indian motorcycle, but it had been showing its age a bit.  Well, it HAD been.  But now it looked like it had just rolled out of a museum. 

"All authentic parts," Dean smirked proudly.

The headlight had had a crack in it for as long as she could remember, but not anymore and the chrome was devoid of the pitting she was used to seeing.  The leather seat was soft and supple again and a few tiny scratches on the gas tank that she had started to overlook over the years were just gone.

"How did you have time?" she asked in a hushed voice. 

"Well, I'd been trying to track down the parts for about a year; one at a time....I can't have some broken down piece of crap junking up my garage," Dean teased her.  She shot him a look.  "It makes it convenient that you're not around here during the week, so I had some time...then I just happened to draw your name and figured I oughtta get it done," Dean smiled but he looked intensely at Dora, soaking in her amazed reaction.

Dora walked back over to Dean just like she walked everywhere (as if she were on a mission) and she grabbed him and hugged him tight.  Dean was happily surprised.  Dora lived to antagonize him, but this was completely genuine.  Charlie was practically in tears at the sight.  "I love it, you asshole," Dora said into Dean's ear. "Thank you."

"Happy to do it," Dean said truthfully.  "You keep taking good care of my girl, okay?" Dean said looking over at Charlie, "Don't let her ride on the back of that thing without a helmet."

"Always," Dora responded softly as she broke the hug.  Dora spontaneously reached up and messed up Dean's hair.

"Hey!" he protested, "I'm not your kid brother!"

"Yeah, you kinda are," she responded.  "I'm a hell of a lot older," she reminded him.

"Well, you don't look a day over 90," Dean smirked.

"Shut up," Dora responded before breaking out laughing.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Me next!" Ben piped up from behind everyone else.

"Hang, on," Dean said, "Dora's got one more present coming from someone."

"That's what I said," replied Ben, "I've got one for her but it's back in there under the tree."

It turned out to be a shoulder holster for her pistol.  Ben had found it rummaging around in the box of stuff at the back of the shooting range.  The leather was dried out and the buckle was rusted, but he worked on it and had it looking almost-new in time for Christmas.  After all the physical sparring that Ben and Dora had done over the past few weeks in the name of "training", she thought he might be holding a bit of a grudge.  Apparently not.  He'd put a lot of time into bringing the old holster back to life.

"Thanks for, you know, teaching me all that stuff," Ben said sheepishly.

"I heard you took your, er, Dean down the other night," Dora responded and Ben nodded slightly just as Dean at the same time said, "Did not."

"That's all the thanks I need," Dora smiled.  "And thanks so much for this," she said as she tried the holster on for size.  "This is going to be perfect," she declared.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ben was just about as excited over the presents as Scarlett had been.  He dug through the pile until he found two with his name on them.  He lifted them both and decided to go for the heavier one first.  "That's from me," said Walker. 

"Awesome," said Ben, tearing into it.

He opened up the box and found a book.  Hawking.  "Wow, is this a first edition?" he asked.

"I wish, but no," replied Walker, "Go on, open it," she smiled slyly. 

"It's really heavy," Ben observed, perplexed.  He opened the cover to find a cut-out space inside and a shiny black handgun tucked into it."  He looked at Walker, stunned, then immediately over to Dean and Lisa.

"We talked about it," Dean responded to Ben's raised eyebrow.  Lisa nodded next to him.Dean continued, "Look, it's not like I want you running around with it tucked into your pants, but Sam says you're doing really well with learning how to handle one and, well, I'd rather you know how to use it than not."

"You told me once that I was never going to have a gun," Ben reminded Dean.

Dean sighed, "Yeah, I know what I said, and that's what I wanted, but you were a kid then.  You're not anymore and, well, being a Winchester, it kinda comes with the territory."

"But I thought we were supposed to make presents," Ben said, looking over at Walker. 

"Well, Dora drew your name, but we all had the idea for a gun of your own...Dora was going to give you a tattoo that you actually wanted - "

"I'd still be glad to," comment Dora from her place next to Charlie, "but I know how you feel about needles."

"I did the book cut-out" Walker continued, "...I wanted you to have somewhere you could stash it...maybe while you're in Texas," she suggested.  "I found the book in the free pile at a library sale and fixed up the outside, but I got Dean's help with the gun.  He showed me how to take it apart and clean it...it's Sam's back-up Beretta and he's been looking for an excuse to get a new one anyway..."  Walker smiled over at Sam.

"She's right," said Sam, winking at Ben.

"So this one's really from a bunch of us," Walker finished.

Finally, Ben broke into a smile.  "Thanks everyone," he said. "Mom," he said, looking at Lisa, "I swear I'll be smart about this," he promised.

"You damn well better be," she responded.  "Dean's right; you're not a kid anymore.  I'm proud of you, Ben, and I trust you, I do.  Now open mine."

Ben picked up the second box.  Inside he found a batch of his favorite caramel brownies which brought an instant smile to his face.  He popped one into his mouth immediately.  "Oh my God, Mom, these are awesome," he said enthusiastically.

"Hey!" admonished Dean, "I'm gonna make pancakes!"

"Can't wait," mumbled Ben with a mouthful of brownie.

"Bottomless pit," teased Dean.

"Wonder where he gets that from," Sam chimed in sarcastically.

There was an envelope that had been taped on top of the container of brownies.  He opened it and pulled out a piece of paper with a website address on it.  "What's this for?" asked Ben.

"If you're going to have a gun, you're going to do it legally," Lisa said with conviction.  "You're going to get online and register for a FOID card.  Today."

"Yeah, sure, definitely," said Ben earnestly.  "Thanks, mom."   Ben got up and went over to give Lisa a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Wow, someone in this family who's a legal gun owner," said Dean, looking over at Sam, "that's a first."

"Can we go shoot later?" Ben asked Sam hopefully.

"Sure thing," replied Sam.  "The good thing about getting a used gun is that I can show you all of her quirks."

"Cool," said Ben.  "I like knowing it was, you know, yours," Ben said sheepishly, looking back down at the gun cradled in the open book.

Lisa met Sam's eyes and they were both feeling a little warm over Ben's small admitted concession.  It had been a long road, but Ben was finally starting to be okay with Sam.

 

 


	10. HOME (part 2) - second part of chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 51 continued.....

  
  
It was Walker's turn.  "The first one's from me," Ben said.  It was an envelope.  Walker opened it slowly and the questioning look on her face was soon replaced by one of amazement. 

"Oh my God, Ben" she said, "I've never seen anything like this," she said, quickly reading the first page and then the second.

Ben just smiled silently.

"What the hell is it?" asked Dean from across the room.

"I don't know if I can really explain it," Walker started.  "Hell, I can barely understand it myself, but, it's a really good theory about a famous physics problem."

"Ben gave you the answer to a math problem?" Dean asked, totally confused.

"No," replied Walker, "physics...but the thing is, no one has ever been able to solve this problem.  That's why it's famous.  Jesus, Ben, you might actually have some proof here."

"Can you tell us about it?" Sam asked Ben.

"Well," said Ben, "The problem asks if nature has more than four spacetime dimensions and can we experimentally observe evidence of higher spatial dimensions?"

"So...it's looking for evidence of an alternate universe?" Sam asked, starting to get it.

"Exactly," said Ben.

Dora looked at Charlie, "I can tell you kid, it's possible," she said.

"Well, that's where the idea started," said Ben.  "Charlie told me about how you met and where you've been and it got me thinking...even though, right now, you can't exactly go there on command, well, there's got to be a way to prove it exists by using the known laws of physics -"

"And maybe some unknown ones," Walker said as she read to the end of the last page.  "Ben, this is amazing.  We've got to use this on your college application."

"I only thought of it because of some of the stuff you taught me," Ben said to Walker. 

Walker smiled a huge smile.  "This is the best present I could ever get.  Thank you, Ben," she said with more than a little emotion in her voice.

"Thanks for teaching me," Ben replied.

"Okay, I have no idea what the fuck you people are talking about," Dean said.  "Who else had Walker's name?"

"I did," said Dora.  She slid a large square box over towards Walker.

Walker opened it, "It's a...helmet?" she said tentatively.

"Yup, motorcycle helmet," said Dora.  "I've seen you eyeing my bike in the garage," she said.

"Oh Dora, I could never, I wouldn't know how to ever ride your bike," Walker replied.

Dora chuckled, "Well, you can learn," she said.  "Don't worry, we'll fix up something smaller for you to start with."

"You'd teach me?" Walker asked.  "I've always wanted to know how."

"That's the present," confirmed Dora.  "Riding lessons, but only with a helmet at all times.  Can't risk all that knowledge in that pretty little head of yours."

Walker blushed a bit.  "Thanks," she said sincerely.  "I'm going to love it."

"Now THAT'S a decent present," proclaimed Dean.  "No offense, Ben."

Ben smirked, "None taken," he replied.  He loved Dean for what he was.  He didn't expect him to be impressed by physics.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Me next," said Garth.  Sam tossed him a small box.

"Wow, thanks Sam," said Garth.

"You haven't even opened it yet," Sam pointed out.

Garth shrugged and carefully opened the box.  His eyes got big. "Wow, Sam, it's a flask...like Bobby's," he said, his eyes welling up.

Sam cleared his throat, trying to keep from doing the same thing, "Well, you're always holding down the fort here and, well, I think Bobby'd be proud of you," he said, "I know Dean and I are."

Before Sam could say anything else he had Garth practically strangling him with hug.  Sam could feel his shoulder getting a little damp where Garth was resting his head.

"Whoa, it's okay Garth," Sam said, hugging back and giving Dean a 'what the hell?' look.  Dean shrugged.

Garth broke the hug, "I just really miss him," he confessed, wiping his eyes.

"We all do," said Sam quietly.  "But we all keep his memory alive and as long as we remember him, well, I think he'd love that."

"Me too," said Garth.  "Was this Bobby's?" he asked, turning the small flask over in his hands.

"It's from the Men of Letters wine cellar," Sam said.  "If anyone's a Man of Letters, you are, Garth."

Garth beamed.

"Just remember, go easy with it, okay?" Sam admonished him.

Garth smiled, "Always," he promised.

"Okay then," said Sam giving him a strong pat on the back that made Garth stumble forward a bit, "Merry Christmas, Garth."

"I love it," Garth replied.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Next one's from me," said Lisa.  "Close your eyes, Garth."

Garth, ever trusting, immediately complied.  He felt something heavy draped around his shoulders.

"Okay, open 'em," Lisa directed.

Garth opened his eyes to find himself draped in a soft fleecy deep green blanket edged with gray sweatshirt material.  There was a small "G" embroidered in the bottom corner.  "I thought your boat might get kinda cold in winter," Lisa said.  "It should fit a queen bed."

Garth pulled the blanket close around him and closed his eyes as if he were in heaven, "Wow, Lisa, this feels incredible...you made this?"

Lisa nodded.

"It feels like a hug," Garth blurted out and Dean couldn't help but laugh at Garth's innocent goofiness and sentimentality.

"Shut up," Sam shot in Dean's direction.  Dean bit his lip to stop laughing.  Garth didn't even notice.

"I love it, Lisa," Garth said.  "Thank you so much for making me such an incredible blanket.  Nicest one I've ever had."

Lisa smiled.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lisa found the two packages with her name on them and went back to sit next to Ben.  Habit.  It had been just the two of them for so many years on Christmas.  She shook the first one gingerly.  "That one's from me," Charlie chimed in.  Lisa opened it and pulled back the tissue paper to reveal a beautiful, deep green sweater.  It was incredibly soft.  "You MADE this?" she asked, truly amazed. 

"Yeah, well, I'm a little OC," Charlie explained.  "And by 'a little' I mean, 'a lot'," she smiled.  "I've been knitting for awhile and this is some really nice cashmere yarn I had."  Charlie continued, "It relaxes me, you know?  Learning a pattern that's really fine and dense."

"Charlie, this is amazing," Lisa said as she slipped it on over her tank top.  It fit her perfectly.  It accented every curve and was beautiful against her clear skin and dark hair.  The deep v-neck dipped just low enough to show a little cleavage.  Dean felt a rush of blood to all points south.  He looked over at Charlie who was blushing a bit as she couldn’t help but stare at how good Lisa looked.  Dean mouthed "thank you". 

Charlie beamed in return and mouthed "you're welcome".  They both knew that even though Charlie had made the sweater for Lisa, it was definitely a gift to Dean too.  Damn, Lisa was gorgeous. 

Dean got lost in his thoughts about how she'd look with only that sweater on later.

Dean was brought back to the present by the rattling of Lisa shaking the second box that bore her name.  "That one's from me," Garth said bashfully from across the room.

Lisa ripped into this one and pulled out a dark brown leather belt.It was decorated with very fine metal studs in a lovely vine pattern. "Garth," she breathed out, "I had no idea..."

Garth shifted in his chair under her attention, "Well, you know, sitting on that boat all winter, I gotta have something to do when the weather's bad...I started messing around with leather years ago.  Mostly I get asked to make restraints for demons and stuff like that; you know; warded stuff...so it was fun to make something pretty for someone so, uh, pretty." Garth blushed.

Lisa walked across the room and kissed him on the cheek, "I love it Garth, thank you."

"You're welcome," Garth mumbled.  Loving the attention but feeling completely self-conscious. 

Dean had used some of Garth's restraints on demons.  They were made to last.  Dean was already thinking about other uses for that belt, with Lisa...later....

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Come on Sammy, your turn," proclaimed Dean.

Sam got up and found his two presents under the tree.  The first one was incredibly small, the second one, much larger.

"I guess good things come in small packages," he said, holding up the first box. 

"That one's from me," Dean said proudly.

Sam raised an eyebrow and carefully pulled at the tape.

"Oh for God's sake Sam, just tear into it like a normal person!" Dean teased him.

Sam chuckled and ripped open the paper.  He opened the little box and looked, quizzically, inside, completely confused.

"What in the world?" Sam asked as he slowly pulled out and held up....something...what the hell was it?

"Traditional Christmas gifts, Sammy; socks and underwear, right? Well, there isn't enough yarn in the world to make socks for your giant sasquatch feet so...."  Dean could barely contain his laughter.

"Really, Dean?" Sam said, as he started to figure out what he was holding.  "You knitted me a jock strap?"

"Don't be silly," Dean responded, "It's not a jock, it's a thong.” Dean smirked, clearly about to lose it.

Sam looked over at Charlie, "Did he put you up to this?" he asked.

"No, swear to God, he did it himself...I taught him some basics, but that right there is all Dean, believe me," she replied, "I don't want the blame for it!"

Sam looked closer.  It did look like someone's first attempt at knitting since there was no clear pattern and several visible snarls in the extremely scratchy yarn.  "Well," Sam began, "I'm not quite sure what to say, except I think it's a little small."

At that, Dean burst out laughing and Sam followed.  Sam deftly sling-shot the underwear at Dean's head.  "Don't you want to try them on?" Dean choked out between gasps for air. 

"Maybe later," Sam replied sarcastically.  He shook his head at Dean with mock annoyance.  "You know I'd be pissed if it weren't so funny," Sam admitted.

"Come on Sammy, what's the saying, 'Don't look a gift horse in the crotch'?" Dean said finally catching is breath.

"I'm 100% sure that's NOT the saying," Sam shot back, and moved his attention to the larger box.

"That's from me," Walker looked up at Sam from her spot next to him on the floor.  Sam put an arm around her and pulled her close as he lifted the box.  "Heavy," he observed.  He carefully unwrapped the paper.  There was a book inside.  Sam lifted it out carefully.  It was just over an inch thick with a dark brown leather cover and old-fashioned raised bands on the spine.  In the center of the front cover was the Men of Letters Aquarian star rendered in gold foil.

"You made this?" Sam asked.  It didn't seem possible.  It looked like something antique.

"I learned some bookbinding when I worked in Princeton's library," she reminded Sam.

Sam opened it. "It's blank," he said, looking over to Walker for an explanation.

"Well, it's blank now," she responded.  "Look, I think this place is pretty special.  This bunker.  All of you.  And, well, you know I'm kind of obsessive about recording things and cataloging things...so I thought maybe this place needed a book that people could write in every year to record what happens here.  You know; I think years down the line, future Winchesters may want to read it.  I'm never going to know much about what my father thought or felt; he never wrote anything down...and, well, I wish I had.  Maybe we can at least give that to future generations."

A slow smile spread across Sam's face.  He tipped Walker's chin up and kissed her softly.  "That's an incredible idea," he said. "This is gorgeous,"  Sam lowered his voice and whispered in her ear, "Just like you.  Thank you."

  


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Finally, nothing remained under the tree but a pile of paper and empty boxes.  Sam could see Dean's eyes scanning the wreckage. "What's wrong, Dean?" Sam baited him.

"Did you even put my name in the hat?" asked Dean.

"He did," replied Charlie, smiling.  "But your present isn't something we could wrap," and she looked over at Walkerwho smiled.

Dean looked back and forth between them, "Okay, what is it?" he asked, "Lay it on me," he said, spreading his arms wide.

Charlie motioned to Dora.  "Oh, yeah, right," Dora said and pulled a pair of shooting range ear protection headphones out of the pocket of her jacket.  She firmly affixed them over Scarlett's ears. Scarlett looked at her, confused.  "Just for a minute, sweetie," she explained.

Walker pulled out one of Sam's old tablet computers that he'd stopped using at least 3 years ago.  "Do you want to do the honors, or should I?" she asked Charlie.

"Go for it," Charlie responded.

Walker touched the screen and AC/DC's Mistress for Christmas boomed from unseen speakers.  The bass made the bookshelves rattle and Dean broke into an enormous grin.  "Best Christmas song EVER!" he yelled over the noise.  "I didn't know this place was wired for sound like this!"

Walker turned down the volume enough to hear herself think, "It wasn't.  Not until Charlie wired it."

Dean looked over at Charlie in awe.  "You?  You did this for me?"

Charlie beamed.  "It's connected here in the main room, the kitchen, the garage, and your bedroom.  Sorry, Lisa," she said, rolling her eyes.  Lisa laughed.  "The speakers are top of the line. No one wants speakers anymore.  Everyone has everything on their phone.  This system would have cost a fortune 25 years ago, but I found the best stuff and it didn't take much to fix it up, good as new," Charlie smiled proudly.  Dean could only shake his head in amazement.   "But there's more," Charlie continued. "Walker indexed everything."

"I don't know what that even means," Dean said, warily.

"It means not only did she make copies of all of your old cassette tapes and turn them into digital files, she also programmed Sam's old tablet here so you can call up anything you want at any time," Charlie looked over to Walker who smiled shyly. "You've got over 2,000 songs in here," Charlie finished.

"Will you teach me how to use it?" Dean asked Walker earnestly. "I suck at computers, but..."

"No teaching necessary," Walker responded.  "It's all voice activated.  You turn on this tablet and you can ask for whatever band or song you want and it'll find it and play it in whatever room you tell it to."

"Jesus Christ," was all Dean could say.  "It's like I'm God."

"Don't get too full of yourself or anything," Sam teased him.

"I don't even know what to say," Dean looked at Charlie, then over to Walker.  "This is awesome."

Charlie stood up and went over to wrap her arms around Dean. "You're welcome," she said, kissing his cheek.

"C'mon, you too," Dean gestured over to Walker for her to come over.  "I don't know how the hell you put my tapes into that thing, but you're a fucking genius.Get over here."

Walker smiled and walked over to Dean who stood up and hugged her hard.  "Thank you," Dean said quietly.

"My pleasure," she responded.

Seeing Dean and Walker bonding like that did things to Sam he couldn't explain.  He couldn't remember ever feeling like this. He felt warm, relaxed, like he'd just downed some really good Scotch.

"Alright," Dean said as released Walker from the hug, "I'm making pancakes."

  
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Later that night, Sam caught up with Dean in the hallway.  "Hey," he said, thrusting something flat and wrapped in newspaper into Dean's hand.

"You're breaking the rules, Sammy...YOUR rules; you didn't pick my name for a gift."  Dean scolded him playfully.

"Shut up," Sam replied.  "Open it."

Dean opened it and broke into a grin, "Aw, Sammy, Christmas porn, you shouldn't have."

Sam shuffled his feet, "It's kinda tradition," he said.  Ever since the Christmas they thought would be their last together, one of them got the other something from a gas station every year.  Last Christmas, Dean tossed Sam a bottle of aftershave and an oversized can of Colt 45 as they were driving to a hunt on Christmas Eve.  That meant that this year it was Sam's turn to get Dean something.

"Yeah," said Dean affectionately, "kind of a fucked-up tradition but hey, it's ours.  Thanks, Sammy," he said seriously.

"Well, I hope Lisa won't mind," Sam said guiltily.

"Are you kidding?" asked Dean, "She'll probably be 'reading' it before I do."

"Really?" Sam asked, eyebrow raised, "Lisa doesn't mind porn?"

"Hell no," Dean responded.  "What I can say, we have some stuff in common," Dean smiled.

"Jesus, you two are made for each other," Sam bumped his shoulder into Dean's as they walked down the hall.

When they got to the door of Dean's room, Dean said, "Hold on."

Sam stopped and turned.

"I've got something for you too," Dean said, going to the small table next to the bed and opening the drawer.  He took out a box, wrapped in newspaper (of course), and handed it to Sam.

"I already got a present from you," Sam said, smiling.

"Aw Sammy, I was just trying to give you the pioneer Christmas you always wanted," Dean smirked. 

"I doubt the pioneers wore thongs, Dean," Sam smirked back.

"Come on, this is your real present," Dean pressed it into Sam's hand.

Sam opened the box and his eyes widened.  "Oh my God, Dean, it's beautiful...it's a watch?"

"Yeah; it was Grandpa Henry's pocket watch, but I took it off the chain and had Garth help me make a band for it...see how it snaps in and out?; I figured it would be a perfect fit for your freakishly large wrist."

Sam held out his arm, "Put it on me?" he asked.

"Will you be mine forever then?" Dean teased.

"Shut up," laughed Sam as Dean buckled it onto him.  The wide leather band with the double buckle was soft and the deco-style platinum watch face was beyond cool...and flat enough to work as a wristwatch.  "Wait, snap it out again?" Sam asked.  Dean did and Sam turned the watch over.  You couldn't see the back when it was on the strap, but out of the strap, Sam read, etched into the back, "to S.W. from D.W.  -  IPOU"

Sam looked at Dean quizzically.  "I get the first part, but 'i-p-oh-you'?  Sorry, Dean, I don't get it...'I pee on you'?"

"It stands for, 'I'm proud of us', asshole," Dean said with a bit of irritation.

Sam just about fell apart laughing and Dean started to chuckle.  "I guess I didn't think about what it would look like as initials."

"I love it, Dean." Sam said softly. 

"Merry Christmas, Sammy," Dean replied with affection.

_(Sam wore the hell out of that watch.  He was never without it except for the four or so times over the years that he had Garth repair or re-make the band when he wore it out.)_

"I've actually got something for you too," Sam said to Dean. 

"But I don't need anything else, Sammy," Dean said, smiling. 

"C'mon," said Sam, "here," as he pushed another newspaper-wrapped package into Dean's hands.

Dean opened it slowly.  "It looks like Dad's journal," Dean said when he saw the soft-bound leather book with a strap and initials "D.W." stamped in the lower corner.

"It's your journal," Sam said.  "We went to Dad's journal a million times.  It saved our asses more often than I want to remember."

"But we have Dad's journal," said Dean.

"And we've learned about three times as much as what's in there," Sam pointed out.  "I think you should write it down."

"Don't really need to, Sammy, it's all locked up here," Dean said pointing to his head.

"I know," replied Sam, "but don't you think that maybe someday everything we know might help Ben the way what Dad knew helped us?"

Dean looked down at the book and ran his hand over the cover.

"I know you're not going to type everything up into a database or anything," Sam was realistic.  "I want you to write it down.  You know.  For Ben."

Dean pulled Sam into a tight hug.  "Okay Sammy, I'll do it.  Thank you.  I love it."

_(And Dean kept his word.  If only he had devoted this kind of effort to homework back in high school that he devoted to filling the pages of this journal over the next months with the hunts they'd been on and the monsters they'd taken down and how they did it...if he'd had that kind of concentration in high school he could have been valedictorian.  Sam couldn't believe that he was often able to find Dean in the library, hunched over his journal. He said he wanted it to be like their father's journal, only on steroids.  It was.)_

  
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About a half hour later, Dean came back to his room after brushing his teeth to find Lisa wearing only her Christmas gifts.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam joined Walker in bed and discovered that she had slipped on Sam's homemade thong from Dean which simultaneously dissolved Sam into laughter (which had been Walker's intent) and decidedly turned him on (which she hadn't expected but was more than happy to take advantage of).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was the best Christmas Sam and Dean could remember.

 


	11. HOME (part 2) chapters 52-55

52.

January 5, 2019

This was new.

They were headed out on a job and there were three cars on the road instead of just the Impala.  To start, Lisa rode with Dean, Sam and Walker took her extra-cab pickup, and Ben started out solo in his Mustang.  They watched Garth, waving goodbye from the bunker’s doorway as he receded from view. 

They did a bit of musical chairs as they went.  For part of the time, Dean rode shotgun with Ben while Sam drove the Impala and Lisa and Walker took the opportunity to talk about Ben’s future while riding together in the pickup. 

Everyone stopped to eat (a diner, of course).  Yeah, it was totally weird, but Dean felt like it was probably as close to a family vacation as he’d ever gotten.

Sam even rode with Ben for awhile.  Sam couldn’t help but think how that would never have happened a few months ago and he was glad that things between them were easier now.

“You don’t have a car of your own?” Ben asked, looking over at Sam folded up in the passenger seat of the Mustang with suspicion.  The way he said it made it sound like Sam wasn’t a real person if he didn’t have his own car.

“Nah,” said Sam.  “I mean, the Impala is ours, but Dean’s so in love with it I just act like it’s entirely his.  I dunno…I always seem to be able to, um, use a car when I need one,” Sam said, looking straight ahead.

“You mean steal a car when you need one, right?” Ben asked directly.

“I like to think of it more as borrowing,” Sam offered.

Ben huffed.  “I bet you do,” he said as he chuckled a bit.“Seriously, man, haven’t you ever wanted a car?  I mean,Mary here, just knowing she’s all mine…you don’t want that?”

“Guess not,” replied Sam.  “Maybe I’m not crazy about driving when I don’t have to since I’ve been sitting in cars all my life.”

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right one,” Ben said.  “Cars are like women – “

“Christ, you sound exactly like Dean,” Sam cut him off.  “I was hoping that not every one of Dean’s idiotic theories had rubbed off on you.”

“I just mean that when you find the right one, you know.  It just clicks,” Ben finished.  “But you won’t find it if you don’t look.”

“Says the guy to has the car and NOT the girl,” Sam pointed out, smirking, as he nodded toward the pickup in front of them with Walker at the wheel.

“Hey, one thing at a time,” Ben responded.   


 

  
  
  
  


 

53.

The trip went well and the weather was good.  It took a couple of days, but eventually they pulled up in front of a rather rustic cabin in the hills outside of Bullard, Texas.

Dean was the first one out, looking around, “Where are the longhorns?” he asked, looking slightly disappointed. 

“This isn’t ranch country,” Walker informed him as she climbed down from the pickup.   “You want to see cattle you’re going to have to drive about another half a day west.”

“Crap,” pronounced Dean.  “Well, thanks for finding this place anyway, Blue.” 

“It’s not fancy, but they didn’t want a deposit and they were fine with us paying one month at a time,” she replied.

“Yeah, Sammy and I are so used to Egyptian cotton sheets and room service, I don’t know if we can do this,” Dean teased.

“It’s exactly what we need,” Sam said, coming up next to Walker and putting an arm around her.  She stretched up for a kiss and he dipped his head down to meet her lips.

Dean regarded them with mock disgust.  “This place does have two bedrooms, right?”

“Definitely,” Walker smiled up at Sam.

“Awesome,” said Dean, “Hey Lis’, what’ve we got to eat?” Dean yelled over to the Impala where Lisa was standing up and stretching after the long ride.

“Not your servant!” she replied.  “I was wondering what you were going to make for me.”

Dean rolled his eyes.  “Alright, pop the trunk would ya? “  
  


 

  
  


 

54.

Ben couldn't believe how easy it was.  The dean of students at the Brook Hill school looked over his transcript and only asked him a few questions.  With one call to Ben's high school principal to vouch for him (of course it was Garth on the other end of the line, back at the bunker, doing his best Monsignor impression, talking up how great Ben had done at his non-existent Christian high school, bless him), he was in.  The dean at Brook Hill couldn't believe that Ben had come along right when they really needed him.  This kid was willing to work for very little pay and he was obviously, academically, far ahead of his grade level.

Ben told him that he really wanted some teaching experience.  That he had decided to take a year off between high school and college, but didn't want a hole in his transcript (that part was true), so he hoped he could tutor.  Ben said he was considering becoming a teacher (not really true, well, not until he had gotten to know Walker...now he was a bit more interested in the idea).  He threw in that he was especially into football (he wasn't, but Dean had made that part of his training and he thoroughly understood it now) and the dean of students practically fell over himself to shake Ben's hand and welcome him on board.

Dean couldn't help but smile later as Ben related the whole thing to him.  The kid was a natural.  Smart and sincere like Sam...always a few steps ahead of everyone like him _.  ‘He'd make a damn good hunter,’_ Dean thought.  Then immediately told himself to shut up and forget he ever thought that.  He didn't want that for Ben. 

Even though Ben would be spending as many evenings as possible with everyone at the cabin, it had to look like he was there on his own, so he moved his one bag of clothes and one box of books into the room that the school provided him.  It was small, but clean.  He could live with it.  And, bonus, all of the dorm rooms had the same layout so he could map out the best areas for surveillance. 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A few days later, Ben met the football team briefly (Austin met his eyes with an intense, level gaze as if he could see through him.  It made Ben shiver slightly, though he had no idea why the kid would have that effect on him.) and then met with the coach to discuss who on the team needed academic help.  As they went down the roster, Ben asked about a few specific kids, so as not to make anyone suspicious.  One of those he asked about was Austin.

"So, how's the quarterback doing?"  he asked casually.

"Austin?" responded the coach, "Academically, he's great.Actually, he's great all-around."

"How so?" asked Ben, trying to act disinterested.

"I've never had a kid like him," the coach admitted.  "He's good athletically, but it's more about how he is with the other guys.  I've never seen a team leader like him.  The rest of the guys would probably lie down and die for him.  That, and the fact that somehow, he seems to be able to change a play at the last second; you'd think the rest of the guys wouldn't catch that, but somehow he communicates it and the rest of the guys execute it the way Austin planned every time.  The kid's a Godsend," the coach finished. 

"Sounds like it," said Ben.  Well, Sam and Da..er, Dean HAD said this kid was special.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At the end of the first week, Ben had the practice schedule downcold and knew when the team would be on the field.  Time to take a trip to Austin's dorm room. 

Austin shared his room with a guy named Nick.  Nick was the team manager and, according to the coach, Austin's best friend.

Ben got into the room and started setting up the hidden camera. He felt a bit bad.  He had already grown to like these guys.  Austin was smart and even though Nick was a bit shifty, he was a good friend to Austin; best one he had.  Still, Dean said they had to find out what went on in that room, so Ben set up the cameras.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The footage started to roll in to Sam’s laptop back at the cabin. Austin studying.  Nick and Austin playing video games.Austin falling asleep on his desk and Nick coming up behind him and rubbing his neck while Austin made contented sounds in his sleep (that got a raised eyebrow from Dean).  "This is the most anti-climactic guy-on-guy porno ever," Dean commented, rolling his eyes as he watched the video over Sam's shoulder.Sam watched the feed as the hours passed and saw Nick roll over in bed to face Austin's sleeping form across the room so that he could watch him.

 _'That's a little creepy,'_ thought Sam, but overall, Sam was bored to death with this video stakeout. 

The pattern of surveillance and tutoring went on for another three weeks...

At the end of the third week, Ben was kicking back in one of the dorm rooms.  The last kid he had to tutor that night, Jason, had just left for dinner before football practice and Ben was packing up his computer when Austin barged in. 

"Jason forgot his play book and asked me to come get it before practice," Austin said by way of an explanation.  "I've been meaning to thank you for helping the guys.  I guess you're pretty good.  They say they're starting to get some stuff they've never understood before."

"Well," said Ben, "it's my job, but you're welcome."

"You're good at it," surmised Austin, looking Ben over carefully.

"I enjoy it," Ben responded, honestly.

The kid's room they were studying in was the standard high-school bedroom, except for the rather tacky blacklight picture of Jesus painted on velvet hanging on the wall.  Austin walked in front of the illuminated blacklight on his way to Jason's bookcase and Ben saw something on his hand for a second.

"What's that?" he asked Austin. 

Austin smiled, "The UV tattoo?" he responded, "It's cool, huh?  All the guys have one...we thought blacklight would be good so our parents didn't freak out, you know?  You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"No, it's cool," said Ben, playing along, "What's it mean?"

"The 999?" he asked.  "It's supposed to be this thing just for the team, you know?  It's just about being just short of perfect; one shy of 1,000; you know; the perfect batting average...it reminds us that you can always keep striving; always get better; always get one more win.  It was Nick's idea," Austin finished.  "The guys thought it was cool.Everyone on the team has one.  Now that you know what it means, you can't tell anyone, okay?"

"Okay," responded Ben.

 

 

 

55.

Walker was the first one Ben told.  He mentioned it in passing when he was on the phone with her talking about a wide receiver who just could not get a handle on reading Shakespeare no matter what Ben tried with him.  After Walker gave him some ideas on how to get through to the kid, Ben mentioned the tattoos. "Sneaky kids got the only kind of tattoo their parents aren't likely to see," Ben chuckled.

" 'Kids', huh professor?"  Walker teased him, "You're almost their age, you know," she laughed.  "Wait a minute," she said, "What was the tattoo again?"

Ben explained it just as Austin had.  He didn't know what to make of it when Walker suddenly said she had to go and she'd call him right back.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Walker knew...but she had to be sure.  She grabbed a copy of the Bible and there is was: 

"Revelation 13:16-18

And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a MARK in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the MARK, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."

Sam was out on a supply run with Lisa.  Dean was cleaning his revolver in another room.  It helped calm him down when they were stuck in this sort of God-forsaken holding pattern on a hunt.  Dean hated waiting.

"Dean!" Walker yelled.  "Dean, get in here!"

Dean showed up at the door as if he had run a sprint to get there. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Ben, he just called," she said in a rush, "he had a question about tutoring one of the kids and -"

Suddenly, Dean was looming over her.  He grabbed her shoulders none too gently, "Is he okay?!"

"Yes!  Ow!," she replied, squirming away from his painful grasp, "It's not like that."

Dean visibly relaxed.  "Sorry," he apologized, "it's just; it's Ben..."

"I know," Walker said, "it's okay."  She understood Dean's intensity where family was concerned.  "Anyone ever told you that you're a little tightly wound?" Walker admonished Dean, rubbing her shoulder.

"I've been told," Dean said matter-of-factly.   "So what'd you find?"

Walker told Dean what Ben had related to her.  "What the hell is a ‘UV tattoo’?" Dean asked.

"One that only shows up under blacklights.  In regular light, you can't see it," Walker explained. 

"Sneaky kids," Dean said, mostly to himself, "And you know this how?" he asked Walker. 

"I've got an anti-possession tattoo like you and Sam.Got it when I learned about how my mom died," Walker said, "but you can't see it," she smiled like a know-it-all.  Dean nodded approvingly.

"So this entire team has this, what, motivational tattoo?" Dean asked.  "So what?"

"That's the thing," said Walker.  "They think that's what they have, but Dean, it's not 999, it's 666...look."  Walker held out the open Bible page to Dean.

Dean read it, even though he pretty much knew everything relating to any kind of evil son of a bitch that was written in the Bible entirely by heart, "So these stupid kids think this is about team spirit or some shit, but it's because of Austin; because he's the Antichrist?"

"Yeah, but I don't even think Austin knows that's what going on," Walker said.  "Ben told me that Austin said the tattoos were his roommate Nick's idea."

"Nick, the creepy kid who watches Austin while he sleeps?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, that's the one," Walker confirmed.  "I think we need to take a closer look at Nick."

"Agreed," said Dean.  "Did Ben figure this out?" he asked with pride. 

"No," said Walker without further explanation.

Dean understood immediately, "Nice work, Blue," he said appreciatively.

Walker smiled.

 


	12. HOME (part 2) chapters 56-59

 

 

56.

When Sam came back, Walker was rewarded with a soft, deep kiss for her breakthrough which left her rather breathless. (As Dean yelled, "get a room already," from the kitchen.)  She was about to suggest that they take a walk for some privacy when Sam very reluctantly stopped her.  "God, you don't know how much I DON'T want to do this, but I have to slog through some more of that stupid dorm room footage.  If I don't keep up with it, I'll never get through it."

Walker let out a groan.  "You're killing me," she said, frustrated. "But you gotta do what you gotta do.  I'm going out for a walk to cool down then," she said, giving Sam one last kiss.

Sam settled down in front of the computer, trying to think about something, anything to make the aching in his groin disappear.  He started up the day's footage.  The room was empty, but the window was open.  About half an hour into his extremely boring video surveillance session, the drapes blew back in the breeze and Sam thought he saw something for a second.  He backed up the recording and froze the image.  It was a circular symbol of some kind.  Drawn on the wall behind the curtain.  He'd seen it before. Crap, where had he seen that before?

Sam opened a few of the books they'd brought with them.  It took him about 20 minutes, but he found it in Johann Weyer's Pseudomonarchia Daemonum.  It was a seal.  A seal for the demon Phoenix. 

Sam read about how this demon, Phoenix,often appeared with the "voice of a boy", which could be "friendly and seductive". 

Sam read, "He hopes that after one thousand two hundred years he can come back to the seventh Throne.  He rules twenty legions."

 _'Twenty legions of what?'_ wondered Sam.  Sam looked it up online and found that a Roman legion could consist of as many as 6,000 men...so that's twenty times 6,000....120,000 what?  Men? Demons? Hellhounds? That thought almost made him break out in a cold sweat.

Apparently, this Phoenix was something called a "Marquis" demon.  There were instructions about how to summon a demon of this rank, including that the summoner has to be "clean from all pollutions and (must) have fasted for three or four days.”  If one followed those instructions, the demon would be more obedient. Then Sam read over the specific summoning spell.

It was a bit obscure, but it fit.  Phoenix.  Nick.  A demon especially close to Lucifer.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later, Dean told Sam there was no way in hell that he was fasting for three or four days in order to summon a damn demon.  They'd just have to find out where Nick was an question him there.

 

 

 

57.

Nick had just finished collecting the towels in the locker room.  He hated this degrading menial work.  It was so incredibly far beneath him, but it was his turn and he had to be "one of the guys" on the team so he did the work even though it made is blood boil.  He was startled by an unfamiliar voice behind him, belonging to someone who must have stepped out from the shadows between the rows of lockers, "C'mon River Phoenix, you little delinquent, you're coming with me," and before he could react, he felt a pair of handcuffs on his wrists.  This amused him _.  'Handcuffs, really?'_ Nick thought, and prepared to eviscerate whoever had the audacity to try to hold him.  But nothing happened.  Nick strained at the restraints helplessly.  "What the fuck ARE these?!" Nick roared, spinning to face his assailant...a disarmingly good-looking guy with green eyes.  "Who are you?" has asked, settling down slightly since it seemed he wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm your chaperone for the night," Dean responded.  "And those are warded handcuffs.  Demons, angels, you name it, once they're on, you're power's off."

"How do you know my name?" Nick questioned.

"Oh, I know a lot about a lot of things," Dean evaded him.  Dean gave a low whistle, "A demon at a school full of Jesus freaks...and I thought I'd seen everything."

"Shut up," snapped Nick.

Dean looked around the quiet locker room.  "Bet you wish you could really give it to Austin...here in the locker room...the way you look at him when he doesn't know you're looking..." Dean trailed off.

"Shut your fucking mouth," Nick struggled against Dean's grasp. Then a horrible thought hit him, "Where's Austin?!" he asked, panic rising in his voice.

"Austin, or, should I say, Jesse," Dean began, which only made Nick struggle harder, "is somewhere safe.  My brother's having a chat with him, that's all.   Don’t worry.We're not going to hurt your boyfriend," Dean finished.

"Fuck you," replied Nick.

"You're really not my type," Dean responded as he closed and locked the door of the empty locker room so they wouldn't be interrupted, "Let's talk," Dean said as he shoved Nick down onto a nearby bench.  "I insist."

 

 

 

58.

Sam entered the room slowly, with his hands clearly visible in front of him, "Hi Jesse," he said calmly.

Jesse's head turned towards Sam's voice, "My name's Austin," he said reflexively.  "Nobody here calls me ‘Jesse’."  He regarded Sam warily.  "Wait a minute, I know you."  Sam could see the wheels turning.  Austin's eyes opened wide with recognition when it hit him, "You're the guy that showed up and made me leave my mom and dad."  His eyes narrowed and all of the loose objects in the room started to vibrate, but everything remained in place. Austin looked a bit surprised. "Where's Nick?" he asked.

"We have Nick somewhere safe," Sam responded.  "I needed to talk to you alone."

"Why can't Nick be here?" Austin asked, confused, "he's my best friend."

"I know," Sam said, then added, "I had friends like him in college too."

"What do you mean?" asked Austin.

"I had demons keeping an eye on me when I was in college, just like Nick is keeping an eye on you," Sam responded.  Austin was smart, better to just be direct.

"Nick?  You're crazy," Austin protested.  "He's just, well, he can do stuff, like me...he's just like me," he explained.

"No, he's not just like you," Sam responded.  "He was sent here to watch over you and, in a way, keep you safe."

"Sent by who?" Austin asked, suspicious.

"Lucifer," Sam said plainly.

"Lucifer?  No, no," Austin started backing up to get further away from Sam while shaking his head, "I love Jesus," Austin professed, "he's my Savior."

Sam sighed and looked critically at Austin.

"Hold on," Austin said, "why was someone watching over you when you were in college?  Could you do stuff too?  Like me?"

"Yeah, I could have back then," Sam said honestly, "I just didn't know it at the time."

Suddenly, Austin was across the room and standing right in front of Sam, looking directly into his eyes.  He looked so hopeful, every bit of wariness he had a moment ago had vanished.It took Sam aback.

"How did you make it stop?" Austin asked.  That was the last thing Sam expected him to ask. "I want it to stop," Austin looked down. "I don't want to be different anymore."

"We both are able, well, I WAS able, to do things because we have something in us that certain people can bring out," Sam tried to explain.

Austin looked confused.

"Look, I had people in college that I thought were my friends, but they were sent by Lucifer to watch over me; to keep me safe and to keep other people away from me because Lucifer had plans for me.  In my case, I became more powerful when I got addicted to demon blood."

"Gross," said Austin.  "You drank blood?  Like a vampire?"

"Yeah," admitted Sam openly.  "But for you," Sam continued, "you're more powerful the closer you are to Lucifer, or to anyone who's close to him, like Nick," Sam finished.  "Remember when you were little, when you turned an angel into an action figure?" Austin nodded.  "You could do that because Lucifer was walking the earth; he was nearby."

"But that was the last time I was able to do that," Austin pointed out.  "I didn't want to do it.  I just got mad and it happened."

"I know," said Sam sympathetically.  "But you can still move things with your mind, right?"

Austin nodded.

"Can you do it now?" Sam asked.

Austin closed his eyes and concentrated again.Everything around them vibrated, but nothing moved.  "No," Austin said.  He opened his eyes and looked at Sam in awe.  "Am I getting more normal?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes and no," Sam replied.  "You could move things because you were getting some power from Nick.  And, you should know, 'Nick' isn't his real name." 

Austin furrowed his brow, "He wouldn't lie to me," he said, defending his friend.

"Well, he didn't lie entirely.  His name's Phoenix.  He's one of Lucifer's favorites," Sam explained.

"Bullshit," Austin spat back.  "You're making this up."

Sam reached over and drew the window curtain back.  The black symbol stood out against the white wall.  "What did Nick tell you about this?" Sam asked.

"He said it was a good luck charm; for protection, just some silly thing that would make us win more games," Austin replied.

"It's his seal," Sam told him, reaching into his bag and pulling outthe book he brought.  "This is in German, but - "

Austin grabbed the book away from him, "I'm not an idiot, I can read German," he shot back and Sam had to laugh.

Austin read and then looked up at Sam, his brow furrowed.  "But Nick's never said anything about this, and he's never hurt me."

"He would never hurt you," responded Sam.  "In fact, he'd probably die for you because he's loyal to Lucifer and guarding you is the job Lucifer gave him."

"So why are you here at all?  Why do you want to screw up my life again?  Why are you telling me any of this?" Austin was becoming increasingly distressed.

"I know someone who is in trouble and I think you might be the only one who can help me help them," Sam responded.

"ME help YOU?!" Austin scoffed.  "Why in the world would I do that?"

"If you help me, I'll make it go away," Sam was completely talking out of his ass now and he had no idea if what he was telling Austin was even possible.

"You can do that?" Austin asked suspiciously.  "You can make me just like any other guy?"

"Yes," Sam lied.

"How?" Austin asked.

"If I told you that, you'd have no reason to help," Sam reasoned with him.

"What do you want?" Austin asked.  Wary.

Sam explained the whole thing, though he tried to keep it as bare-bones as possible.  He didn't want to give Jesse any more information than absolutely necessary.  When he finished, Jesse sat, thinking.  "And exactly HOW am I supposed to get your brother out?" he asked incredulously.

"I think that if you get close to Lucifer, even just in the same vicinity, he'll be drawn to you," Sam didn't mention that he thought Jesse would also be drawn to Lucifer.Like a magnet.  "If he can be distracted, just for a minute, by your presence, then that will give us a window."

"A window for what?" Austin asked.  
  


 

  
  


 

59.

That night, Sam and Dean called Ben up to the rented cabin.  Sam had convinced a reluctant Dean that it was time to let him in on what was going to happen next.

Ben listened, then interrupted Sam mid-sentence.  "So, you're saying you're going to take this poor kid to Kansas, a kid that just wants to be like every other kid, and you're going to risk his life for your 'mission'?!  I thought you just wanted information from him!"

Sam and Dean exchanged slightly guilty looks.  "Look, Ben," Sam started.

"No," Ben shot back, "YOU look," he was standing up now; the only way he could ever look down on a still-seated Sam, "I trust you Sam, God knows why, but I trust you.  I KNOW you aren't going to get this kid killed just to try to save someone who may not even be human or even be alive anymore."

"We're going to do everything we can to keep that from happening," Sam responded, voice low.

"And what's Austin going to get out of this?" Ben asked accusingly.  When Sam didn't reply, it slowly dawned on Ben, "You promised him something, didn't you?" he asked, "and I bet it's something you can't deliver on, isn't it?"

Sam shifted in his chair.

"What the fuck did you promise him, Sam?" Ben asked, raising his voice.  Sam couldn't hide the surprise on his face.  Ben sounded exactly like Dean at that moment.

"Austin has always been different.  He can do things no one else can, like move things with his mind.  I told him I could help take away his powers," Sam admitted.  "Make him just like any other guy.  Normal."

"And just exactly how are you going to do that?" asked Ben, sarcastically.

"I'm still working that out," Sam responded, irritation rising in his voice.

Dean could see this wasn't going anywhere good.  "Okay, okay," he said, standing up between Sam and Ben.  "Cool it; both of you!"

The room got quiet.  Ben glared at Sam and Sam stared right back. Eyes locked on each other.

"Damnit," said Dean, "will one of your just blink already so we can move on?!"

Ben looked away first.  "We can't screw up his life," he said quietly.

"What do you mean 'we'?" asked Sam.  "Your hands are clean here.Whatever happens, it's on me, not you."

"Don't you get it?" Ben shot back, " 'I thought 'we' were a family and I don't want my family fucking up the lives of innocent kids."

Ben had never called them a family before.  Sam and Dean were both momentarily stunned into silence.

Finally, Dean sighed and said, "He's the Antichrist, Ben."

"What?!" Ben raised his voice.  "Who, Nick?"

"No.  Austin," said Sam. 

"You told me Austin was a kid who was special," Ben said, his voice not getting any quieter.  "Now you're telling me he's the Antichrist?!  And you didn't think I needed to know that?!  Way to fucking keep me in the fucking dark when I went through all that training shit because I wanted to be good enough to come help you on your fucking 'mission',"  Ben turned and stared out the window, seething.  "I can't let you do this," Ben said suddenly and in a flash he had grabbed his keys and slammed the cabin door behind him.

Dean was up from the table and sprinting out the door after him in an instant.He got a hand on the Mustang but that's about it as Ben roared away down the drive. 

"Fuck!" yelled Dean into the night sky as Sam caught up to him.

Dean headed for the Impala with Sam right behind him. 

"He's going to get himself hurt," Sam said as he rushed to get in the passenger side.

"He's fucking right is what he is," Dean said as he threw the Impala into reverse.

"What did you just say?" Sam asked, raising his voice to Dean.

"Sam, we don't even know if Adam is alive and we're willing to risk this kid...what if we just let Austin live his life?  We could exorcize Nick and Austin probably WOULD lose most of his power and be like any other screwed-up kid," Dean argued as he pressed his baby to go faster.  Ben had taken the time and effort to install the engine kit that turned his 351W into a 427 which had basically taken Mary from a straight 6 up to the equivalent of a V8 and Dean was pretty sure Ben could out-run him. Easily.  Fuck.

"Dean," Sam practically yelled, "Adam is in a living hell because of US.  We have to fix it.  And I'm pretty sure that Jesse isn't going to be able to pray his way out of being the Goddamn Antichrist!"

Suddenly Dean hit the brakes and Sam was forcefully flung forward, almost hitting his head against the dash.

"WHAT THE FUCK, DEAN?!" Sam yelled.

Dean turned to Sam and grabbed him by his shirt.  Dean's eyes were blazing green and Sam could see he meant business.

"I want to save Adam, Sam, I do," Dean began, "and if doing that will take away the fucking nightmares you've had, that's the only reason I need.  But Ben's right about what we're doing here and I don't want him to have the fucking guilt that we have for screwing up the lives of people who don't deserve it.  I can't pass that on to him.  I won't."

Sam drew in his breath and nodded, "I get that Dean, I do, and I don't want that for Ben either, but right now he's probably headed to tell Jesse that there's nothing in this at all for him, and you know what happened the last time Jesse got mad."

"You think Jesse would hurt Ben?" Dean asked, looking slightly panicked.

"I don't think he would, but Nick's not that far away and Austin has some power...you know he's stronger when he's upset," Sam finished.

"And Ben's probably on his way to tell him something that's not going to make him very happy.  Fuck!" Dean exclaimed to no one in particular as he threw the Impala into drive again and spun the tires as they screeched off.

 


	13. HOME (part 2) chapters 60-62

60.

Sam and Dean arrived, rather breathless, outside of Austin's dorm room.  They'd seen Mary parked outside, so they knew Ben had probably found Austin.  They communicated without speaking and silently nodded in agreement as they drew their weapons.  Sam counted down under his breath, "three...two...one" and Dean kicked the door in.

Austin, sitting at his desk, jumped when the door banged into the wall.  His eyes went wide when he saw Dean's gun trained directly on him while Sam swept the rest of the room.Sam's weapon came to rest on Nick, sitting in the room's only chair.

Ben was sitting on the bed.  "Jesus Christ, Dean," he exclaimed, "you coulda knocked."

Dean ignored him, "Ben, you okay?" he asked, eyes never leaving Austin.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Ben responded.  Dean looked quickly to Ben to make sure he wasn't putting on a brave face while he sat there bleeding to death or something, but Ben looked completely unscathed.

"We were just talking," said Austin.

"What about?" inquired Sam cautiously.

"About Kansas," Austin said, "and how you lied," he looked directly at Sam.  "You don't know how to make me normal," Austin said, accusingly.

"I don't have a spell, or anything like that if that's what you mean," Sam said, giving Ben an obvious 'thanks a lot' look.  Ben gazed steadily back at Sam, not willing to back down an inch.  "But I do have some ideas about how to make some of what makes you different go away."

"Could you put the guns down?" Ben asked from his place on the bed.

"On him, sure," Dean said, lowering his gun.  Austin sighed, relieved.  "But him?" Dean said, looking at Nick who was still firmly in Sam's crosshairs, "not a chance."

"You know a gun isn't going to hurt me," Nick taunted.

"Nick," hissed Austin, "we talked about this."

Nick averted his eyes, looking almost guilty, "We did," he confirmed, looking over at Austin, "but I'm only doing this for you and if they hurt you at all, so help me, I'll take them apart."

"They aren't going to hurt him," Ben said calmly.

"So, what exactly have you all been talking about?" Dean asked, coldly.

"You don't have to hint around it," Austin said directly.  "I'm still going to help you."

"Why?" asked Sam warily.

"Because Ben told me how you guys screwed up his life too, and the life of this guy you want to save."  Austin looked out the window.  "I don't give a shit about you guys, but I want to help someone who needs help."  Austin looked directly at Dean.  "It's what Jesus would do."

Dean almost choked, hearing Austin say those words.  Nick's reaction wasn't much different.  Nick and Dean actually exchanged skeptical looks.

"I told you," said Austin, "Jesus is my Savior.  I don't care what you think I can do or how bad or unwanted you think I am.  Jesus judges us on our actions and I want to do something good. Something that means more than winning a stupid football game or getting a 4.0 in school.  I want my life to count for something."

"I told him you don't deserve his help," comment Ben dryly, "but Adam does; Adam didn't do anything to deserve what happened to him."

"And you're not looking for anything in return?" Sam asked, still wary.

"If YOU want to do the right thing, you could help me stop these, these stupid powers I have that make me a freak," Austin said, voice wavering.  "But that's up to you," he finished.  "I've prayed that you'll help me," he finished, looking down.

You could have knocked Sam over with a feather.  Sam gave Dean a questioning look and Dean gave a subtle _"I have no fucking idea"_ shoulder shrug.

"It's not a trick," Austin offered.  "I mean it."

Suddenly, a voice came from the other side of the room, "Don't do this, Austin," Nick pleaded.  "These guys don't give a shit about you.  It's my job to protect you -" as Nick trailed off, several heavy objects lifted from their shelves and began to fly through the air towards Sam and Dean.  Sam threw an arm over his face and Dean hit the ground.

"Nick!" yelled Austin and he threw up his hand.  The books and game consoles seemed to hit an invisible wall at high velocity, exploding into small pieces about a foot away from coming into contact with Sam and Dean.  Ben was sprayed with plastic shrapnel from the blow-back as the debris rained down.

"I.  Said.  No." Austin said to Nick in a menacing voice that Ben hadn't thought the kid was capable of.  He practically growled it. Austin stayed where he was, but Nick suddenly brought his hands up to his throat.  He looked like he was clutching at an invisible rope for a few seconds before he began gasping for air, the unseen stranglehold suddenly released.

"I'm s s s sorry," Nick gasped out.  "I just have to, have to protect you," he choked.

"Oh my God," Austin said, seeming to snap back to his normal self, "Oh my God, Nick, I'm so sorry," Austin ran over to him, "are you okay?  You know I'd never hurt you, right, you know that?!” Austin still saw Nick as his best friend, in spite of what Sam had told him and what Nick had basically admitted to him in private.

He was embarrassed that he'd let his temper get the best of him. Honestly, if Nick WAS what they said he was, Austin was determined to help him too.

"I know," said Nick, but he looked shaken.  Sam took note.  The demon looked shaken.  The high muckity-muck Marquis demon (whatever the hell that was) looked shaken.  Dean noticed too.

"Awesome," said Dean, trying to sound casual, "No one's going to hurt anyone else, so can we just talk?" he asked, looking around at everyone in the room after picking himself up from the floor.  "We all want to help Adam," Dean continued, "Well, everyone but you," he said, giving Nick a derisive stare.  Nick glared back at him.  "So can we please just focus the fuck on that?"

"Good idea," said Ben, continuing to shoot Sam rather pointed looks.

"Let's hear it then, genius," Dean said, looking over to Sam. "What's the plan?"

"Okay," began Sam, "but he has to go," he said, looking over at Nick.

"No way am I leaving you alone with Austin," Nick responded, eyes narrowing.

"It's okay," said Austin.

"Look," said Dean, "Just down the hall to another room...you'll be close enough for Austin to borrow some of your mojo if he needs to.But I'm pretty sure Austin can take care of himself."

Nick looked to Austin for direction and Austin nodded.  Nick left without incident, closing the door behind him and telling Austin to call for him if he needed him.

When it was just the four of them left in the room, Dean turned back to Sam, "Okay Sammy, please fill us in on just how the hell we're supposed to do this thing."  Dean couldn't entirely hide the skepticism.  He walked over and sat down heavily on the bed next to Ben.  All eyes were on Sam.

Sam cleared his throat nervously and laid out what he knew.  Or hoped he knew after all the hours of research and study with Walker and what he'd surmised in the years of sleepless nights as he concentrated to the point of giving himself regular migraines on how best to get Adam out of the hell that he and Dean had created for him.

When Sam finished, Dean looked a bit ashen.  He hadn't quite heard Sam spell it out in that much detail up to this point and damn, it sounded like suicide to him.  There were so many chances, in this plan, for something to go horribly wrong.  And Dean was sure as hell of one thing.  No one could die on this mission.  No one.  But from what Sam had described, the odds seemed stacked in favor of casualties.

Austin sat there, deep in thought, for a minute or so.  He looked at Sam, as if trying to work through a calculus problem.  "So you think that you can use this incantation, or whatever, to open the portal and you want me to call out to Lucifer.  Like, the DEVIL, Lucifer, so that he'll be distracted.  Dean's supposed to offer himself up as a new vessel to Michael...and if Michael falls for that and if I can get Lucifer's attention, then you'll save Adam once Michael is no longer using his body and you’ll do all of this before the portal closes again on its own.Oh, and somehow you’ll also make sure that Lucifer and Michael are locked up again when it does close."

"That's the basic idea," confirmed Sam.  It was so much more complicated than that.  "Look, I know it's scary, but - "

"I'll do it," said Austin with conviction.

"Austin," said Ben with kindness in his voice, "You know they can't guarantee you'll be safe...I mean, you'll be face-to-face with Lucifer."

"I know," said Austin, "but I also know that Jesus will protect me."  Austin stated it as if it were a fact; like stating the sky is blue.

"Look, I know you believe that," said Ben, "but I don't know if this is the situation where you want to test your faith.  It's dangerous."

"If it's dangerous, then this is the only situation where I SHOULD be testing my faith," Austin said calmly.

Sam and Dean looked at each other.  Dean couldn't believe that this kid had bought into his Christian school's "Jesus loves you" mantra hook, line, and sinker.  What were the odds.  The Antichrist devoted to Christ.

"Are you sure?" asked Sam.  He looked up to meet Austin's steady gaze.

"Yes," responded Austin simply.  "I need to prove it.  I know who I am and what I believe and I need to show you that I am not what you think I am.  I'm not Lucifer's chosen one or anything like that. I'll prove it to you."

"The only one you have to prove anything to is yourself," said Ben quietly.   Austin nodded.  Ben and Austin exchanged small, nervous smiles. 

"So how, exactly, am I supposed to run off to Kansas with you guys in the middle of school?" Austin asked.  "The team might miss me."

"Don't worry about that," Dean responded.  "I think Cas, uh, he's the angel you didn't like much last time, can do a temporary memory cleanse...they won't know you're gone because they won't know they ever knew you."

Austin's face fell.  "But he'll fix it, you know, when we get back, right?" he asked, his voice sounded pained.

"Yeah, of course," Dean responded with more confidence than he felt.

"I have a life here," Austin continued.  "I can't lose that again," he said, looking down.

Sam felt a pang of sympathy.  Poor kid.  He just wanted to be normal and Sam knew exactly what that felt like.  They had taken Austin's family from him once before.  Sam knew that Austin was the Antichrist, but damn, at this moment, he was really just a lonely kid.  Ben was right.  They couldn't fuck it up for him again.  "You'll be able to come back and it will be, at least to everyone else, like you never left," Sam confirmed.  "I know you don't trust me, but I'm not bullshitting you."

Austin gave Sam a hard look.  Sighed.  Then nodded.  "Okay then," he said.  "But Nick's coming with me." 

Sam and Dean exchanged looks. 

"That's the only way I'll go," Austin said.  "You two are wrong about him too.  And even if you're not, he's got my back.  You said yourselves that it's his job to protect me."

"We think so," responded Sam.  "Okay."

Dean rolled his eyes, "Great....a demon, the Antichrist, and two Winchesters walk into a bar..." he mumbled under his breath. "This is going to be a fucking picnic."

Sam huffed out a humorless laugh.

“Don’t call me that,” said Austin forcefully.  


 

 

 

 

61.

That night, Dean was out on the bench on the front porch of the cabin, watching the sun set over the Texas hills and slowly nursing a beer.  It was his third and he thought he should probably slow down a bit.

The screen door slapped closed on its springs as Lisa walked across the porch, settling on the bench next to him.  He pulled her close and she laid her head on his shoulder.  They watched the sun go down in silence for several minutes.

"You didn't say much at dinner tonight," Lisa pointed out, still looking straight ahead.  Dean usually ate like it was his last meal. Tonight he left half of his food on his plate, then left saying he had to get some air.  The only thing exchanged during dinner were glances between him and Sam.

"Um, yeah, sorry," Dean said absentmindedly.  "Just got a lot on my mind, I guess."

"Wanna talk?" Lisa asked earnestly, looking up at Dean.

Dean squeezed her a bit harder.  "I'm scared, Lis'," he said quietly. "I'm honest to God scared shitless."

"Well, you'll be glad to know that that feeling is proof that you're an actual human being," Lisa responded.  "You're not a machine, you're not a soldier...it's normal."

"It's fuckin' dangerous is what it is," Dean replied.  "I can't go into this thing feelin' like this."

"With all you've been through," Lisa said, "why is this so different?"

Dean drew in a deep breath.  "Because of you, and Ben, and the fact that I get to see Sam happy with Blue every day.  I've actually got a whole hell of a lot to live for.  It's just felt...different -better...these past few months.  It's felt, I dunno; right.  But now our past is coming back to bite us in the ass just like it always does. We've fucked up so much..."Dean trailed off.

"The only thing you can do when you fuck up is try to make it right.  That's what this is about, isn't it?" Lisa reasoned.

"Yeah," Dean responded.  But Lisa wasn't sure he was really hearing her. 

Lisa got up and straddled Dean's legs.  Sitting down and facing him so he couldn't look away.  "Listen to me, Dean Winchester," she began, "you know it scares the crap out of me to watch you go off and do this thing too, but if you want that shit from your past to stop following you, you have to face it and get it done, and then we, our whole family, me, you, Ben, Sam, Walker...we can all move on.  You want to be free of this crap, right?"

"More than anything," Dean admitted, looking Lisa in the eye.  Lisa was the only one he could be this open with and he didn't know how he had survived all of those years without her.  "And I want Sam to be free.  He's had to carry so much crap,“ Dean swallowed hard.

Lisa felt like she could feel Dean's gaze, all the way down to her soul.

"Then there's no way past but through," Lisa said.  "You keep your head on straight and come home to me in one piece," she had no illusions that Dean would ever let her come along on this mission. He had assured her that Ben would be nowhere near any of this either.

Dean managed a small smile, "Just be sure you've got Cas on speed-dial, okay?" Dean asked nervously.

Lisa nodded.  She knew that meant that bodily harm was likely.  It made her stomach drop.  She couldn't think of a way she could possibly tell Dean how he was everything to her.  How deep it went.  So she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. 

Dean brought a hand up and twined his fingers through Lisa's hair and kissed her back like his life depended on it.As it always had been with them, the smolder ignited in no time and Lisa could feel Dean pressing against the crotch of her jeans as she straddled him. When they breathlessly broke the kiss, she saw so much in his face.  Love and lust and need and raw emotion.   He was open.Way open.   

"Come on," she whispered. 

Dean got up with some difficultly and she pulled him to the Impala, parked behind the garage.  (Ben had raced Dean home from the school and he had won, so Mary occupied the garage at the moment.)  For the first time all night, a smile crossed Dean's face.  Lisa and his car.  Just about his two favorite things.  He held the back door open for her and she slid in.

As soon as the door closed behind him, he was on her like a man who was starving.  Dean pulled her shirt off over her head as she smiled seductively and he deftly released the clasp of her bra with one hand.  He threw it to the floor and took in the view as he kneeled over her.  He'd never ever get sick of this.  Lisa's perfect breasts swaying as he put a denim-clad thigh between Lisa's legs and she ground down onto him.

They kissed hungrily as she worked at his belt buckle and then the button.  Dean thought he might explode out of his zipper.

There was usually a fair amount of talking during sex with Dean and Lisa.  They both got off on it.  But this time was different. When Dean began fucking into Lisa in earnest, she pulled away from the kiss.  Nothing had been said so far.  All she said was, "I want to look at you while you’re inside me," which just about drove Dean out of his mind. 

He braced himself over her and fucked her like he meant it.  Consistent and hard.  She wrapped her legs around him, pressing him to go deeper.  The whole time she had her deep brown eyes locked onto his bright green ones.  There really weren't any words for this.  This went past fun.  It wasn't gentle by any means, but they both needed it like this.  They both needed the other one to know how much, after all they'd been through, they trusted each other and were as important to each other as air.

Lisa dug her nails into Dean's back.  She could feel him getting longer, harder and then - "God, Lis', I can't, I'm gonna, oh fuck." And she could feel Dean jerk inside of her as things suddenly became a lot wetter.  Never breaking eye contact, Lisa gasped and shook and came hard.  The next thing she was aware of was Dean kissing her softly and she arched to kiss him back.  They held each other, breathing hard.  Dean felt like he'd just let go of more than just some bodily fluids.  It's like he'd felt the release down to his soul.  The stress and anxiety over the upcoming trip had temporarily dissolved into nothing but heat and trust and love.  He felt as if Lisa would willingly take all he ever hoped to offer her. 

 

 

 

62.

Sam and Dean quickly agreed that Cas wasn't going to go anywhere near Austin.  Not after what happened last time.  But Cas immediately offered to help in whatever way they wanted him to and he methodically set about erasing Austin from the memories of everyone who loved him (Cas threw in the memories of Nick for good measure...Sam had told him he was pretty sure he wasn't going to have to restore any of those). 

While Cas made the rounds, Austin waited nervously with their bags at the cabin.  Nick was in the second bedroom in the warded handcuffs; a humiliating situation he'd only agreed to because Austin asked him to go along.  With everyone in the family sufficiently inked with anti-possession tattoos, Sam and Dean had reluctantly agreed that it was okay for Ben, Lisa and Walker to stay until Sam and Dean left for Kansas with their new charges.  Actually, they were all going to Kansas.  All but Ben.  Ben said he wanted to stay behind in Texas and see this tutoring job through.   Lisa and Walker planned to drive home to the bunker after parting company with the others who were going to make their way back to Stull Cemetery.

Stull Cemetery.  The site of the single worst day of Dean's life (and that was saying something).  Dean wasn't looking forward to being there again and wasn't at all sure that he wouldn't go into a full-blown PTSD panic attack when he saw the place.  Dean was expending an awful lot of energy just trying to NOT think about where they were headed.

Sam and Dean had filled Walker and Lisa in on what was said back in the dorm room.  Lisa was spooked by the whole thing (and was staying as far away from Austin and Nick as possible) but Walker was fascinated.  Here was, as far as Sam and Dean knew, the actual living embodiment of something she thought was always just a myth.  The Antichrist.  Sitting here on their rented and slightly threadbare couch.   More to the point, an Antichrist who loved Christ.   He looked just like any other scared, nervous, uncertain teenage kid.  He looked so much like the students she had sometimes tutored.  She knew what he was, but she felt a little sympathy for him.  More than just a little, actually. 

She had been watching Austin from the kitchen but couldn't help herself.  She walked into the room and towards him.

Suddenly, Sam's huge frame was in front of her in an instant, blocking her way.  He slowly shook his head "no". 

"I just want to talk to him," Walker said, her voice low.

"No, Blue," Sam had taken to calling her by Dean's nickname for her.  When it came from Sam, it felt like a term of endearment. Actually, she was used to it now and it felt like that coming from Dean too, "I know he doesn't look like it, but he's dangerous,” Sam reminded her.

Walker kept her voice down, "You said he's dangerous when he gets upset.  I'm not going to upset him," she insisted.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Austin said, slowly turning his head in their direction.  Apparently, the kid had supersonic hearing.

"I know you don't _want_ to," Sam began cautiously.

"I'm telling you I won't hurt anyone," Austin said, getting more exasperated.  "Could you give me the benefit of the doubt here?" he asked, "I mean, I'm willingly helping you and if we have to wait for the go-ahead from your angel before we leave, I'd love to be able to do something other than sit here and stare at these damn walls if it's okay with you."

Sam held his hands up, "Okay, Austin," he said, trying to add weight to every word.  "I'm trusting you here," he said as he stepped aside and let Walker pass.

Walker sat down next to Austin on the couch.  "So, what do you want to talk about?" she asked.

"Ben says you're nice," Austin began cautiously.  "He says you're really smart too.  Can you speak Aramaic?" he asked, hopefully.

"Fluent," Walker responded.

Austin smiled, "I can never find anyone who can discuss the Bible in its original language." Austin perked up.  "This might be a good time to go over what it says about Lucifer."  Walker could hear the stress in his voice.

"I'd be glad to," Walker put a hand on Austin's shoulder.  He smiled shyly.

 


	14. HOME (part 2) chapters 63-68

63.

A short distance from the cabin, Dean sat by himself on a large rock next to the road.  A half-second later, a small breeze was the only thing that tipped him off that he was no longer alone.

"It is done," Cas reported to him.

"Awesome," replied Dean, sounding like it was anything but awesome.  "Will you be able to un-do it?" Dean asked.

"Everyone is different," Cas admitted, "but yes, for pretty much everyone, I should be able to bring back their memories when you return."

Dean nodded in response, looking off into the distance.

"Dean, this thing you're trying to do...it's not going to be easy," Cas said, looking at Dean with concern.

"I figured," Dean replied, still looking off into the distance.

Cas continued, "Lucifer and Michael, they've been locked in this battle for years.  It is going to be like walking into the middle of a dogfight.  It's war down there and a war doesn't stop just because someone new walks onto the battlefield."

"So what should I do, Cas?" Dean asked, finally looking at him. "You know it's our fault that Adam is stuck in that hell.  And Sam hasn't been the same since that day.  If it means that I can't make it out of this one, then, I guess that's how it's going to go."

"No, Dean, not now," Cas put a hand on Dean's arm and Dean looked at him questioningly.  "You have much left to do."

"So you're saying I'm going to survive this?" Dean asked skeptically.

"I'm saying you need to be careful," Cas responded.

Dean scoffed, " 'careful'?" he asked, "I don't think 'careful' can be part of this."

"It has to be, Dean," Cas said.  "I used to think that everything was preordained.  You have proven to me though, that you are in charge of your fate.  Not angels.  Not demons.  Not even God.  If you are going to make it through, it is going to be because you decide you are going to make it through."

"And how am I supposed to say 'yes' to Michael long enough for him to let go of Adam but without him actually wearing me?" Dean asked.

"What does Sam say?" Dean asked.

"Sam says that there's an archangel binding spell he found, and if we can recite it at exactly the right time, if he lets loose of Adam, and if we can do it before, you know, he's inside of me, then we can stop Michael long enough to kill him or shut him back in the cage again," Dean said, sounding tired.

"Those are a lot of 'ifs'," Cas commented.

"Tell me about it," Dean responded.

"Michael is powerful," Cas mused, "though centuries of battle may have weakened him slightly..."

"Centuries?" Dean asked.  "Cas, it hasn't even been two decades."

"You know time is different, both above and below," Cas reminded him.  "Lucifer and Michael have been fighting for centuries."

"Shit," Dean commented.  "Can Adam possibly still be alive?" he asked.  "Or are we on a suicide mission?"  Dean looked intensely at Cas now.

"I wouldn't let you go on a suicide mission," Cas said softly.  "I hope you know that by now."

"Yeah, I know," Dean admitted.  "But how can we know that we're not heading in to try to save a dead man?"

"Remember how that demon told you that it would still 'feel' something that felt like a connection to Lucifer?" Cas asked.  Dean nodded.  "Well, I've tried to tune in to Adam.  I can't be sure.  The cage has incredibly thick walls.  But every few years I think I hear something."

"What kind of something?" Dean asked.

"You won't like it," Cas responded, brow furrowed.

"You'd better tell me everything you know Cas," Dean said forcefully.  "I need as much intel as I can get before we do this."

Cas sighed.  "Every few years, from the direction of the cage, I hear, or, it might be more accurate to say I feel, this wave of anguish.  It's so strong, it makes me feel sick.  I thought maybe it was Michael.  I was concerned that what I was feeling was Michael...losing."

Dean was staring at Cas like he might burn a hole through him with his green eyes. 

"But I know what an angel's energy feels like, and this was not that.  This was...so much pain.  A complete absence of hope.Even worse, it felt like someone who forgot what it was ever like to experience love."  Cas looked down.  "Dean," he looked back up and straight into Dean's eyes, "I've never felt another creature in pain like that.  For that feeling to be strong enough to reach me....it is more pain than I can imagine. "

It was everything Dean had tried to forget over the years.  What must be happening to Adam while he and Sam carried on with their lives.

Dean took a sharp breath.  "Then I'm even more sure that we gotta do this, Cas."

"But the plan," Cas said, "it does not sound like you trust this plan."

"I don't," confirmed Dean.  "But I trust Sam."

"I know," Cas replied.

"If we can get Adam, will you be able to help him?" Dean asked Cas.

"I doubt there will be enough left of him to put back together," Cas responded honestly.  "But I will do my best to help him get to heaven.  With his mother.  Where he belongs."

Dean nodded.  "Cas," he turned to look into Cas' crystal blue eyes, "if this doesn't go well - "

Cas held up his hand to stop Dean from talking, "Dean, don't - "

"No Cas, I gotta say this," Dean was determined.  "If I don't make it back...can you watch out for everyone?"  He held Cas' gaze as Dean's eyes started to water slightly.  "You gotta promise me you'll watch out for Sam.  And Lisa and Ben...."  Dean wiped his eyes quickly.

"You know I will," Cas responded with steely determination, "But Dean, they need you.  Not me.  I can protect them, but they need you to love them."

"Fuck, Cas," Dean put his hand over his mouth and looked away. He swallowed hard.  "I want you to know, you've always been there for me.  I trust you with everything.  I want to say thank you.  You know.  For everything."

"I do not accept your thanks," Cas stated flatly.

Dean looked insulted, "Man, I'm trying to lay it all out here, gimme a break, would ya?"

"You can thank me by coming back."  Cas said simply.  "That is the only thanks I will accept."

Dean gave a startled Cas a quick hug and nodded briefly.  Next thing he knew, he was sitting alone on the rock again.  Dean looked down and saw something small glinting in the spot that Cas had just vacated.  It looked somehow familiar.  He reached down and touched it and knew instantly from the feel of it what it was.

It was his amulet.  The one he had thrown away so many years ago.  The one Cas had proclaimed to be "broken".

Why had Cas left this behind?  When did Cas even get it back? What the fuck?

"Cas!" Dean yelled into the air, "Cas!  Why'd you leave this?!"

Silence.

In the back of Dean's brain, there was a slight hint of fondness for this amulet that he thought had been lost forever.  Only because it was the first present Sam had ever given him.  But in no more time that it took to have that thought, it was replaced by a newer one.  The memory of the feeling of utter despair and defeat he had felt the day that he threw it away.  Seeing it again brought it all back.  He wished Cas had never rescued it from wherever the hell he had found it.

Dean stuffed it into his pocket anyway.  Was everything from his past going to come back to bitch slap him this week, he wondered? Shit.

Cas, invisible to the human eye, watched Dean from a short distance away.  He had only intended the amulet to bolster Dean's spirits as he went into this battle.  He meant it to be a reminder of Sam's love for his brother.  He could see that his intentions had totally backfired by the look on Dean's face.

 

 

 

64.

"What the fuck are they yammering on about?" Dean asked as he came back inside after his meeting with Cas about a mile down the road.

"I can't understand all of it," Sam admitted, "but Austin wanted to discuss what the Bible says about Lucifer.  In Aramaic, of course."

" 'Of course'," Dean said mockingly.  "This is too fuckin' weird," Dean commented, looking at Walker and Austin actually SMILING together as they talked.  "I mean, he's the fuckin' Antichrist, Sammy."

"Maybe that's only part of what he is," Sam responded.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked, confused.

"Well, am I a guy cursed by demon blood?" Sam asked.

"No, you're my brother," Dean responded matter-of-factly.

"Exactly," said Sam.  "Maybe Ben's right and Austin's not just the Antichrist."

"I'd think that would be a hard thing to get past," Dean responded with a sarcastic smirk.

"So was the demon blood," Sam said seriously, and the smirk drained from Dean's face.

"Sam, I'm about to crawl out of my skin here," Dean admitted.  "If we're going to do this, can we hit the road before I fucking go insane thinking about all the ways this could go sideways?" 

Sam looked at Dean, concerned over how stressed he was.  Sam felt the same, but at least he was trying to hide it.  What had gotten into Dean?  "Sure, yeah, let's get this freakshow on the road," Sam said, trying unsuccessfully to lighten the mood.

"Alright then," said Dean as he gathered up their bags.  The truth was, just knowing how bad it was for Adam, knowing that Cas had just confirmed that it was worse than he even feared (he had tried to convince himself for all these years that Michael must be treating his vessel with respect and as much care as possible, but obviously, that had only been wishful thinking), had Dean sick with guilt.  He had to get moving.  He had to do something.  He had to fix it.

With the cabin packed up, the Impala and Walker's pickup headed for Kansas.  The return trip was a hell of a lot more somber than the trip to Texas had been just a few short months earlier.

 

 

 

65.

Ben barely hesitated long enough to check the message for grammatical errors.

"Monsignor Delaney, I regret to inform you that I have a family emergency that I must attend to.  My Uncle Adam is in critical condition and I need to see him before it's too late.  I'm sorry that I have to leave immediately.  I hope you will consider welcoming me back to finish out the term as a tutor here at Brook Hill, and I am beyond grateful for the opportunity you have given me thus far."    

Barely a minute later, Ben heard his computer alert him to a new message.  He was just about finished packing.

"Take all the time you need, son.  Your family needs you.  Go to them.  God's speed.  Sincerely, Monsignor Delaney."  

 _'Yeah, God's speed,'_ Ben though to himself as he looked around his now-empty room and picked up his duffel bag.  The irony was not lost on him.

Ben switched on the smartware on his computer.  It had been learning his e-mail style for a week.  Now it could send out messages that sounded like they came directly from Ben.  His first automatic message went out to Lisa:

"Mom, my phone crapped out, send me an e-mail if you need me.  Love, Ben."

This program would answer anything she sent him as if he were typing it to her himself.

Ben hefted his bag over his shoulder and headed outside to Mary.

 

 

 

66.

Lisa and Walker pulled up to door of the bunker in Walker's truck. Garth threw open the door and ran out, hugging them both tightly at once.  "I'm really glad to see you two," he confessed in a rush with his usual level of enthusiasm. 

"Were you waiting by the door?" Lisa asked him, smirking. 

Garth blushed, "Naw; I got bored and installed a camera; it's hidden in that post over there," he said, pointing to the left.  "I saw you drive up.  You two okay?" he asked with complete and utter sincerity.

"I've been better," Lisa replied.  Walker nodded.

"I know," Garth said.  "It sucks lemons to have to wait here.  But you know that they couldn't focus on what they have to do if you were with them, right?"

"I know," Walker said dejectedly. 

"Hey, don't sound like that!" Garth chastised her.  "Sam would still be waking up in a cold sweat every night if you hadn't helped him figure all of this out...the spells, the incantations."

"But it's so risky," Walker lamented. 

Lisa had been trying to ignore it.  They'd tried to talk about Ben and college and the stuff that Sam and Dean did that drove them nuts...mostly they had tried to focus on the good things on the drive home from Texas, but Lisa's ability to hold back the fear was starting to wane. She had been trying to be strong for Dean.  She felt herself go a bit pale and lightheaded.

Walker looked at her, "Lisa, what's wrong?" she asked.

Lisa stumbled sideways slightly and Garth caught her, "Whoa," he said, "I know I'm a handsome devil but I've never made a woman faint dead away before."  That got a smile out of Lisa at least and some color started to return to her face.  Walker was relieved.

"What we have to do now is take care of each other, okay?" Garth proclaimed.  "Now listen to me, both of you.  Sam and Dean have always won.  Even when it looked like it wasn't going to go their way.  In the end, they win.  That's what they do.  They aren't like other hunters."

"Yeah," Walker said with a small smile, "that's for sure."  Lisa let out a slow breath and nodded.

"And they would totally kick my ass if they didn't think I was taking good care of you two," Garth said looking back and forth from Walker to Lisa.  "Please don't make them kick my ass," he pleaded with mock sincerity, "If you haven't noticed, they have a very slight size advantage."

Walker couldn't help but laugh.  Garth broke into a huge smile. "Okay then," he said, "I've got stuff for loosemeat sandwiches on the stove, you two must be starving."

Walker looked skeptical.  "I am, but, sorry, what in the world is a 'loosemeat' sandwich?" 

"You're in Kansas now, baby," Garth replied.  Then, when her expression remained unchanged, he continued,  "You're kiddin' me!  You've never had a loosemeat sandwich?"

"No?" Walker said cautiously.

Lisa put an arm around Walker's waist, "Think 'sloppy joe'," she added helpfully.  "They taste a lot better than they sound.  Come on," Lisa said as Garth held the door open for them.  Always the gentleman.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When they were seated around the table, Garth, who had decided he would do whatever he had to to get Walker and Lisa through this, offered, "Hey, anytime you want to talk...it's okay." 

Lisa looked at him, eyes shining, "You're something, Garth, you know that?"

Garth looked down sheepishly, then back up at her.  He reached out and took her hand, "It's going to be okay," he said with utter conviction and pure trust.  So much so that Walker and Lisa couldn't help but want to believe him.  Garth held out his other hand and Walker took it.  "I know we don't usually do this around here, but it can't hurt," Garth said, "so, if it's okay with you?" he looked questioningly back and forth between them.

"It's okay, Garth," Walker said.  "I think it's what we all need."

Garth smiled quietly, closed his eyes, lowered his head and started, "God, please watch over Sam and Dean.  They're damn strong, but they're gonna need all the help they can get.  They have people here who love them and need them.  They need to come home.  Please help them come home."

Walker had tears in her eyes.  So Garth got up and gave her a hug which she gratefully accepted.  How had she been so lucky to stumble into this weird, but, to her mind, perfect family?  She'd never had a real family before _. 'This must be what it's supposed to feel like'_ , she thought to herself.

"Let's eat," Garth said, letting go of Walker.  She nodded.  She took one tentative bit of her sandwich.  She brightened and looked up at Garth.  "This is really good, Garth," she said. 

Garth beamed.  
   
 

 

 

  
   


 

67.

Dean, Sam, Austin, and Nick pulled to stop at the gates of Stull Cemetery.  Sam and Dean exchanged looks.

"Let's go get our brother," Dean said simply.  Sam nodded silently.

Out in the clearing in the center of the cemetery, they set up the ritual.  It had taken Sam years, but this was the culmination of all of his study and all of his work.  Piecing together lore from hundreds of different sources.  This was going to be complex, and it would take awhile.

 

 

 

 

 

68.

Ben had been following the Impala's path about an hour behind. He wanted to make absolutely sure nobody saw him. 

He cautiously skirted the cemetery.  He saw the Impala parked in a clearing, but no one was in sight.  Ben didn't want to be a distraction, but he couldn't stay away from this.  He parked a short distance away and cautiously approached the car. 

Ben hadn't brought much with him.  He only had his one handgun.  He thought it might be a good idea to gather a few more supplies.  He had no idea what he might encounter.

Ben worked the lock on the Impala's trunk until it popped open. He silently thanked Sam for teaching him how to pick a lock.  Ben sorted through the contents in the trunk.  Sam and Dean really hadn't taken much with them.  Ben thought they must have an awful lot of faith in the incantations they planned to use.  (Ben didn't realize that Sam and Dean had decided that most weapons were pretty much useless against these adversaries, so why carry anything they didn't need?)  Ben picked up the sniper rifle; the new one with the awesome scope.  He pulled an angel blade from the corner of the trunk.  Then, just for good measure, and because it looked pretty bad-ass, he picked up the high- powered crossbow and slung it over his shoulder.  He quietly closed the trunk and tried to figure out where to go next.

Ben saw there was a slight rise on the north side of the cemetery. It was at a pretty safe distance; about half a mile away.  He headed in that direction and just as he was crawling up the back of the rise, he heard it; a deafening, deep, low sonic boom.  His ears were ringing, like he'd just spent four hours at a rock concert.Everything he heard after the boom sounded muffled, the way things sounded after a heavy snow.  He quickly scrambled the rest of the way up to the top of the hill to see what had caused the sound.

 


	15. HOME (part 2) chapters 69-75

69.

Just as Sam finished the incantation, there was a low, earsplitting sonic boom.  The world went silent for Dean and the way Sam was wildly gesturing at him, it appeared Sam's hearing was gone too.  Dean felt the blood from his ruptured eardrums trickling down his neck.  He caught a glimpse of Austin who, with Nick at his side was staring, transfixed, at something behind Dean.  No blood on him.  Dean guessed that Austin had somehow been immune to the auditory blast.

Dean wheeled around.  He had the fleeting thought, _‘I can't believe you actually did it, Sammy.’_ It looked as if a vast sinkhole had opened up and, climbing out of that hole was Adam.  Or, rather, Adam was trying to climb out of that hole.  But it was as if something still trapped below the surface was trying to pull him back.  Suddenly, he scrambled free and rose to his feet at the edge of the abyss.  Adam spun to face a glowering, stinking, pure black cloud that rose up from the depths he had just escaped.  The SMELL of the thing was overwhelming, but it was the crushing sadness that Dean felt to his core.  It was pure evil.

Once above ground, the black mass started to waver.  It seemed to be trapped in the swirling vortex over the pit.  Still in his pure form, without a vessel, it was apparently more difficult for Lucifer to move between realms than it had been for Michael, still wearing Adam like a suit.

Austin and Nick stood staring, as if in a trance.  In spite of the smell, Austin felt a pull.  It felt warm and right.  It felt seductive and good and like going home and -

"NO!" Austin said aloud.  He had to prove it.  To Nick.  To the Winchesters who couldn't seem to leave him alone.  To himself. 

Nick was soaking it in too.  The power, the strength, the purity of evil.  He was sure Austin was feeling the same thing.  Nick tore his eyes away from the black mass long enough to study Austin's face.  The only thing he saw there was steely determination.

“Our father made you strong,” Nick observed.Austin didn’t respond.  "Perhaps too strong."

Austin momentarily got his wits about him, long enough to whisper, "Nick, you can be with me or you can be against me, but I'm not giving in."

Nick nodded.  He'd made up his mind a long time ago when it came to Austin.

 

 

 

70.

Adam turned to Dean.  Even though his lips did not move, and Dean could not hear a sound, Michael's voice rang through his head.  _"Dean Winchester.  Back to rescue your brother.  You Winchesters just don't know when to quit."_ Adam shot a quick sideways glance at Sam and Sam immediately found himself unable to move a muscle.

Michael seemed to easily read Dean's thoughts when Dean shot back, _"You lied to Adam.  He never deserved this."_

 _"Maybe not,"_ replied Michael, silently, _"but he took your place and cleaned up your mess.  I must say, Dean, there's not much left of Adam in here.  It's been a long time."_

 _"You bastard,"_ was the only thought Dean could form.

 _"If I'm going to finish this now, here, up on earth, the way it was prophesied,"_ Michael continued _, "I don't think Adam will hold out long enough.  I think it's time for you to step up, Dean.  You're my rightful vessel.  We'd be unstoppable, you and me.  We could win.”_ Adam was getting closer to Dean with every word.

So this was it, Dean thought.  Time to get down to brass tacks.  If he let him in, perhaps good could win over evil.  It wouldn't be the worst reason to die.  Suddenly, Adam's attention went from Dean to the slight rise behind him.  He must have heard something.   Dean heard nothing but silence in the absence of Michael's voice, disguised in the voice of their brother, reverberating inside his head.

 _"Then again, maybe your chance has passed you by,"_ Michael said inside Dean's head, giving Dean a hard look.  Dean followed Michael's gaze to see what in the world Michael was looking at.  Dean saw something glinting in the distance.  Something metal.  His stomach dropped when he realized.  When he FELT more than saw, that it was Ben.

 _"Why take the old, used-up stallion when you can take the colt?”_ Michael, looking for all the world like Adam, brushed past Dean and started to make his way towards Ben.

"NO!" Dean yelled at the top of his lungs.  Or he thought he did.  He could hear nothing.  He lunged at Michael with the only ace he had, literally, up his sleeve the way Cas had taught him; Rafael's angel blade. 

Adam easily dodged it, wheeling around to face Dean and sending the blade skittering off into the tall weeds with a wave of his hand.

 _"You shouldn't have done that, Dean,"_ Michael's words boomed through Dean's head.  _"You have always been more trouble than you were worth.  I've held out hope, all these centuries, that you and I were still meant to be, so it hurts me to do this.  You and_ _I were supposed to be each other's destiny.  It's what my father intended.  But you've done nothing but interfere with His plans and my patience has just.  Run.  Out."_ And with that, Michael grabbed Dean by the throat and lifted him off the ground.  A sickening crunch ensued for anyone who could still hear and Sam watched in horror, rooted to the ground and unable to move, as his brother's throat collapsed under Adam’s hand.

 

 

 

71.

Up on the ridge, Ben watched as Dean was lifted off his feet by Adam.  At least it looked like the photo of Adam that Sam and Dean had shown him.  Ben pulled the scope of the sniper rifle to his eye and through it he could see Dean.  Struggling.  Tearing at this throat and gasping for air.  He involuntarily shouted out, "DAD!"

 _‘THINK, damnit’_ Ben chastised himself.  Okay, if this was Michael (and it had to be, Adam wouldn't have been strong enough to lift Dean off the ground like that), then the sniper rifle was useless.  But it was the only thing that was reliable at this distance.  Suddenly, Ben remembered the crossbow.  He lined it up as best he could and used the sniper rifle to sight his target.  Ben replaced the crossbow bolt with the angel blade and engaged it under tension.  His hands were shaking.  He had one shot.  Not to mention he'd only trained on this thing for the sum total of about one hour.

Suddenly, Ben felt a hand on his.  His own hands steadied under the calming touch.  "You'll need this," said Cas.  Cas eased the tension off the crossbow quickly and replaced the angel blade in the crossbow with one that looked identical.  Ben hurriedly gave him a confused look.

"What are you doing, Cas?  Just go help them!" Ben pleaded. 

"I promised Dean I would not interfere.  Also, I cannot kill an archangel," Cas told him quickly.  "They outrank me.  And a regular angel blade will not work either.  Only a blade from another archangel."

Through the scope, Ben had seen Dean's blade skitter into the weeds.  "Dean's?" he asked.

"Dean's was from Rafael," Cas said, "This one is from my brother Gabriel.  NOW, Ben, you don't have much time."

Ben took a deep, steadying breath, and released the blade from the crossbow.

 

 

 

72.

Suddenly, Michael stiffened.  The last thing Dean saw was the business end of an angel blade sticking through Michael's chest. 

Sam turned his head, though doing so took every ounce of effort he had, and caught sight of Ben lowering a crossbow from the rise behind the cemetery.  Ben yelled at the top of his lungs and started running at breakneck speed towards Dean, crumpled on the ground and still. 

Michael's death was spectacular.  Like a nuclear explosion of light.  White beams streamed towards heaven from his eyes and mouth while a shockwave emanated from his body.Ben’s forward progress ceased entirely when he was forcefully thrown back against the hill by the blast.  Ben hit the ground, temporarily knocked unconscious.

When Michael was gone, Adam's broken body lay a short distance away from Dean's.

Freed from his invisible bonds, Sam ran for Dean. 

 

 

 

73.

The concussion caused by Michael's death had had an unforeseen effect.  The shock wave breached the vortex over the pit and a stinking black cloud was now stealthily crawling towards Sam.

Sam could hear nothing, but he knew the voice in his head belonged to Lucifer.

 _"Hiya, Sammy,"_ the voice drawled.

 _"Don't call me that,"_ Sam instinctively replied to the voice.

 _"I always knew we'd end up together, Sammy,"_ the voice continued.  _"You freed me.  And, judging by the force of that explosion, you just helped me win this war."_

Sam could feel the evil glee emanating from the blackness.

 _"But if I'm going to stay topside, I'm going to have to take back my one true vessel.  You already said 'yes' to me, Sammy.  No do-overs."_ The impenetrable black void was within four feet of Sam now who knelt protectively over Dean's broken and motionless body.  No way was he leaving Dean.

Three feet.  Two feet.  Sam closed his eyes, expecting the worst, but nothing happened.  When he opened them, he was stunned to see the swirling mass seemingly held at a two-foot distance from him.  Sam slowly turned to see Austin, hand raised, eyes closed, stopping Lucifer's advance.  Sam could hear the silent conversation between Lucifer and Austin.  At least snippets of it.

Lucifer was calling Jesse/Austin _"his child"_ and Jesse was telling him that he was NOT his _’child’_.  Lucifer told him that he couldn't fight who he really is.

Austin was using all of his strength to hold Lucifer at bay.  Nick was next to him, eyes closed too.  They were working together.  This detail was not lost on Lucifer who let loose on Nick with every insult in the book, ending with _"disloyal cocksucking bastard"._

Of course Austin heard everything.  _"Stay with me, Nick,"_ Austin pleaded, telepathically.

Nick, Phoenix, had been the most loyal of the loyal.  He had pledged fealty to Lucifer eons ago and had never wavered.  This was the reason why Lucifer gave him the honor of being the one to protect his most precious half-human creation; Lucifer's son who would rise up to oppose the son of God.  When that honor had been bestowed upon Phoenix, he never doubted for a second that no one would protect and serve Lucifer's interests better than he would.  He was the right demon for the job.  He would follow Lucifer to the ends of the endless universe.

Lucifer's voice rang out inside Nick's head, _"YOU serve ME!"_

Nick knew that if he broke concentration, Lucifer would show no mercy.  He also knew that there was something about Austin.  Something he hadn't counted on when he gratefully accepted the job of protecting him only because it was a great honor that Lucifer had even considered him for the task.

 _"I serve you, brother,"_ came Nick's answer, reverberating with quiet certainty through Austin's conscience. 

Nick and Austin were concentrating at full bore.  Sam couldn't believe that the black void that was Lucifer's true form was actually starting to recede.  Back towards the edge of the impossibly deep sinkhole.But the immense effort was starting to take its toll, and both Nick and Austin were showing signs of distress.  Lucifer began, again, to move in Sam's direction.

Sam quickly looked to his left.  Adam was motionless on the ground.  Suddenly, Adam turned his head towards Sam and Sam gasped.  He had looked like himself a minute ago, when he was inhabited by Michael.  But now he looked like a prisoner of war.  Sunken face.  Skin and bones with an overall yellow cast. Barely alive.  Adam locked eyes with Sam.  Sam could hear nothing, but he read Adam's lips.  "I knew you'd come back for me.  Thank you."

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Austin was getting weaker.  Lucifer resumed his forward progress at a snail's pace.  He was gaining on Sam.  This was the last thing Sam wanted to do, but he could see no other way.  He was not strong enough to keep Lucifer out.  No way was he going to walk the earth as Lucifer's vessel again.  He only needed to distract Lucifer for a minute or so.  The portal would not stay open much longer, if the lore he had counted on up to this point continued to be reliable. Austin was giving it all he had and it had been working.  Up until now.  The black mass stalled again briefly as the struggle of wills played out.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dean didn't remember it starting to rain.  He stared up into the gray clouds of the sky which were slowing giving way to the brightest light he'd ever seen.  He felt drops on his face and idly wondered why he was only feeling the rain on one part of his body.  Briefly his thoughts went to Lisa.  He had made her a promise.  About never leaving again.  Damn, he did not want to break that promise.  But he felt powerless to stop himself from slipping away.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Above Dean, Sam cried, his tears falling on Dean's face as he grabbed Dean by the shoulders, "Do NOT do this to me, man!" he yelled.  "Stay with me!"  Then, seeing Dean's vacant stare and stilled chest, Sam tears flowed as he choked on a sob.

Sam's thoughts flashed, unbidden, to Walker.  Smart, beautiful, funny, perfect-for-Sam Walker.  He hadn't breathed a word of it to anyone, but he had already easily imagined raising a family with her.  He wanted more time with her.  He wanted that more than almost anything.  ALMOST anything.

Sam looked down at his brother and his bright green eyes, fixed on something Sam couldn't see.  Sam laid his right hand over Dean's left.

"Wait for me," Sam said, through tears.  He said it out loud, even though he couldn't hear his own voice and knew Dean couldn't hear him either.

Sam concentrated on Dean's face.  He pressed the barrel of his pistol to the underside of his own jaw.  He gritted his teeth.

He pulled the trigger.

 

 

 

74.

The sound of the gunshot and of Sam's body falling on top of Dean's broke Lucifer's intense concentration for a fraction of a second.  In that fraction, Austin and Nick worked together to push the mass back to the edge of the hole.

Lucifer roared in anger, realizing that without a vessel, his power to freely move on earth was limited, and with his last burst of energy, he focused that anger on Nick.  His loyal demon to whom he had entrusted the care of his most precious creation.  The demon who had betrayed him.

Austin felt his own power flag and looked to his side just in time to see Nick's neck snap; his head facing backwards on his neck where it should have been facing forwards.  Nick's body crumpled to the ground and black smoke oozed slowly from his mouth and nose, leaching into the cemetery dirt with a small sizzling surrender.

"You motherfucker!" Austin yelled in pain and anger.  His anger fueled him and he mentally shoved with all his strength.  The evil void that was Lucifer was sucked into the vortex over the abyss for a second, then, with a reverberating scream, the black cloud was sucked down, the ground closing up over the temporary portal.

 

 

 

75.

Dean didn't feel anything anymore.  He found himself standing in a clean white room.  It was impossibly huge.  He thought he saw a tiny speck just barely visible at the other end of the insurmountable distance.  He blinked, and in that second, standing before him, dressed in a pale gray suit, was someone he actually recognized.  He did a double-take.

"Chuck?" Dean asked, incredulous.  "Are you?....Am I....?  Chuck, are you - ?"

Chuck smiled softly.  "Hello Dean," he said.  "Yes, you are.  And no, I'm not."

"You're not God?" Dean asked.

"I'm not Chuck," came the reply.

Dean felt as if his legs might go out from under him and he sat down heavily, surprised that a chair had somehow materialized beneath him.

Chuck continued, "My prophets serve me and any of them are willing to let me take their form if I choose.  I chose Chuck because he is someone with whom you have a history."

"This can't be real," Dean said aloud.

"Only you can accept whether this is real or not," Chuck responded matter-of-factly.  "That's your choice."

"But if I'm dead, why didn't a reaper come for me?  Or Death?" Dean asked.

"I decided to skip the middleman this time," Chuck replied.  "It seems that your son killed my son."

"What?" Dean asked.

"My son, Michael.  The last archangel is dead.  Your son killed him," Chuck stated.

"And you brought me here to make me pay?" Dean asked.

"No Dean," Chuck responded.  "Michael was unable to see the whole picture.  I will grieve for him, but the way he was carrying out my will was not what I intended.  You're here because I have a question for you and I think you have some for me."

"So I can ask you something?" Dean began.

"Yes," came Chuck's response.

"Where were you?" Dean said, looking at the floor.  "We asked, we called, we begged.  You never came."

"Dean, do you think humans are my only responsibility?" Chuck asked.

Dean blinked at him.

"You know that the universe is endless.  There are many worlds that need my attention.  Not just yours," Chuck said with a small smile.

Dean's mind was already blown.  Damn, he wished Sam could be here to hear this.  Sam loved this shit.  "SAM!" Dean yelled out of nowhere.

Chuck nodded slowly.

"Is Sam okay?" Dean asked, standing.

"Sam will be okay," Chuck responded.  "His injuries are grievous, but he will survive."

Dean breathed out in relief.

"This is not Sam's time," Chuck continued.  "This is not the end of his line."

Dean looked at Chuck, his brow furrowed.  What was that supposed to mean "not the end of his line"?  He truly wondered if this entire experience was real or just the last firings of his dying brain.

"Now I have a question for you," Chuck began, walking right up to Dean.  Dean looked up at him.  "Are you worth saving, Dean Winchester?  I'm not talking about going back for Sam.  Sam will always love you, but Sam can take care of himself.  Are YOU worth saving?"

This was not Dean's first rodeo.  He had died before.  A couple of times.  He was no stranger to seeing his life flash before his eyes at the moment of death.  Usually, this review was a Technicolor parade of regret.  In the past, he would be barraged by images of everyone he had not been able to save.  The moments when John had been most disappointed in him.  Blood and death and pain.  That litany always, mercifully, concluded with an image of Sam.  Sam dissolving into laughter over something Dean had just said to him.  That was always what came last.

So Dean was more than a little surprised that this time was different.  Maybe it was the presence of Chuck (Dean would not allow himself to believe this was really God in the same room with him; he could not wrap his mind around that), but this was different.  The images started to roll, just like they had in the past, but this time, it was everyone he and Sam had saved.  Some people didn't look all that familiar to him, until he realized with a jolt that he was being shown the adult versions of some of the children that he and Sam had rescued, decades ago, only he was seeing them as they looked now, with their own wives and children.  He relived several thank-you kisses planted on him by some very grateful women over the years, and the reel of his life rolled on to images of John slapping him on the back the first time he successfully shot a can off a fence post, Bobby sliding him a glass of bourbon with a "you did good, kid", Garth squeezing the air out of him with a hug, Walker smiling at him over her glasses, Charlie and Dora standing with their arms around each other, Scarlett hugging his leg and looking up at him with reverence, Ben rolling out from under a car, grease staining his face, Lisa in her Christmas sweater and nothing else, looking at him with her eyes dark and deep and warm, and finally, always finally, Sam.  Stretched out on the hood of the Impala dissolving into laughter over something Dean had said, bathed in the warm light of the setting sun, a slight breeze ruffling his long hair.

Clear as day, the answer rang through Dean's consciousness.  The answer was different from every other answer he would have given, if he had been asked this question, at any time in the past.

"Yes," Dean said. 

"You are right," Chuck said.

"If you knew the answer, then why'd you ask?" Dean responded.

"Because you have never known your own worth, Dean Winchester," Chuck told him.  "You are an extraordinary human being.  In many ways, one of my most evolved creations."

Dean successfully fought the urge to roll his eyes.

Chuck continued, "If you fail to see your own worth after all you have accomplished, then saving you would be pointless because you would only find a way to destroy yourself all over again."

"I have people who need me," Dean responded.  He'd never been more sure of anything in his life.  Or death.

"Yes, you do," agreed Chuck.  


 


	16. HOME (part 2) chapters 76-79

76.

Ben slid to his knees next to the motionless bodies of Sam and Dean.  He had staggered, head pounding, towards them as fast as he could since coming to after the blast.  He still felt like it had taken him forever to close the distance.

Dean's eyes stared up unfocused.  They were completely still. "NO!" Ben yelled into the sky.  Ben felt a breeze and Cas materialized next to him.  "Cas, Oh my God, Cas; you've got to do something," Ben began to talk in full panic mode as he stood up to grab onto Cas.

Cas put his arms around Ben.  "I might be able to help Sam," Cas began, "But Dean was killed by an archangel.  I cannot repair that damage," he said as a tear fell down his cheek.  Cas had seen a lot of death in his time.  But he could not stand to look down at the motionless bodies of the two men who mattered most to him in this world.  Cas could heal people, but restoring life lost at the hand of an archangel was not within his power.

Ben's shoulders heaved and he fell back to his knees again.  Sam's head was on Dean's chest and he had his large hand around Dean’s. Ben, without thinking, reached out and put his hand over Sam's, his body shaking with loss.

Cas was inexplicably drawn to the image in front of him, as much as he didn't want to look.  Suddenly, he noticed something. "Ben," he said with some urgency.  "Do not move."  Cas saw a light peeking out from between the fingers of Dean's deathly still hand. 

Ben looked up at Cas, his face blotchy and wet.  "What?" he asked confused.

"Look," Cas said, "your hand.Do not move it."

Ben looked down to see the glow coming from inside Dean's closed hand, shining through Sam's hand on top of it and Ben's hand on top of Sam's.

"What is it?" Ben asked.

"So that's it," Cas smiled.

"What's 'it'?" Ben asked, panic starting to rise in his voice again.

"It's God," Cas breathed out.  Ben looked at Cas as if he'd lost his mind.

It was the amulet.  Dean had absentmindedly wrapped the cord around his ring finger in his pocket and now, in the palm of his lifeless hand, it was starting to glow.  "I gave it to Dean," Cas explained.  "Well, I gave it back to Dean...it is a long story, but it is an amulet that glows in the presence of God."

Ben looked shocked, then looked around, expecting to see he didn't-have-a-clue what.  He looked back at Cas questioningly.Cas creased his brow in confusion.  Cas thought he had finally understood.  It was the trinity.  Three people, connected by blood and love and devotion, that's what drew God in.  This amulet glowed in God's presence.  It had to be this trifecta of family; Dean, Sam and Ben, that was making it work.  But it should be doing a lot more than this.  This, faint glow, God wasn't close.  Not close enough to help.  Cas tried to think quickly. 

It dawned on him. 

Faith.

Dean, Sam, Ben...none of them were believers in God.  It wasn't like this was something you could fabricate.  You either believed or you didn't.  Cas' temporary hope started to darken.  After all of this.  How could what they had, the three of them in a pile there on the ground, not be enough?

"What?" Ben asked when he saw Cas' expression.

"The amulet in Dean's hand glows white hot in God's presence.  I understand now that it needs this trinity of you and Sam and Dean, but it requires more.  I think it also requires complete faith and trusting belief.  I am afraid it requires more faith than any of you have," Cas explained.

"But you're an angel of the Lord," Ben pointed out with a more hopeful tone.

"I hate to admit it Ben, but it requires more faith than I have." Cas looked down.  Ashamed to admit it.  A dismal realization dawned that if his faith had been stronger, he could have saved them, these men he loved.  He and the amulet.

Austin suddenly appeared next to Cas and Cas flinched, remembering Dean's warning not to get near him.  He was surprised to see the utter calm on Austin's face.  A face still streaked with tears from crying over the body of his best friend.

"I got this," Austin said calmly.  He knelt down and put his hand over Ben's.  Austin closed his eyes and extended his free arm, turning his face to the heavens.  Ben's hand started to feel hot. Really hot.  He caught the faint smell of what he could only identify as a steak cooking on the grill.  That was his last thought before the suffocating heat overcame him and everything went black.

 

 

 

77.

In the pure white room, Dean felt a stab of pain and put his hand on his stomach.

"They figured it out," Chuck said.

"Figured what out?" Dean asked, wincing.

"How to find me," Chuck responded.  "You will not see me again, Dean.  Never.  Not even when it is your time.  One day, many years from now."

"Will I remember this?" Dean asked.

"Yes," Chuck responded.  "This time, you will remember.  What you do with this memory is up to you."

 

 

 

78.

Cas couldn't quite believe what he was witnessing.  It was something he hadn't experienced since the first spark of creation...since the first single-celled organism emerged from the mud.  It was ecstasy.  It was a sensation that an angel could only experience at the hand of their creator.  He didn't want to miss a second so he made sure to keep his eyes open as he fell to his knees, face turned up to soak it in.

Cas could FEEL it, the spark of creation.  When the scientists called it "the God particle" they were not far off.  This is the force that first breathed life into the first living thing in the universe, the force that made something where there had previously been nothing, and it was being given, as a gift, to bring back these extraordinary men.  Again.  Cas understood that he was being trusted to deliver this gift. 

Cas felt heat and light and love surge through him.  His eyes glowed like blue lasers.  He turned to the heap of Winchesters, folded over on top of each other on the ground.  Austin, transfixed by Cas' blue eyes, slowly backed away when Cas directed him to do so with a wordless request.  Cas gently moved Ben aside, then separated Sam from Dean, laying him next to his brother. 

Dean would go first.  His injuries were catastrophic, even though Sam actually looked worse.  Cas put his hands on Dean and felt the surge of power putting him back together internally.  He'd deal with the external injuries later.  Life was the first priority.

Dean began to breathe.  It was shallow though.  Cas didn't remove his hands until the breathing was strong, then he turned to Sam.

Sam's self-inflicted gunshot wound was bad, but it had actually been a clean through-and-through and had just barely grazed the left side of his brain.  Cas put his hands on either side of Sam's head and concentrated.  Sam gasped and his eyes flew open, just as Dean started coughing from the ground next to him. 

"Sammy?" Dean sputtered, immediately trying to crawl towards Sam when he saw him gulping down air next to him.

"Dean!" Sam responded reaching out for him.  "Dean?" Sam asked, "what's that smell?  Ow," said Sam, suddenly looking down at his right hand.  It was incredibly painful.  There were already large blisters forming on the red peeling skin of his palm. 

Ben was beginning to come to groggily and he gingerly rubbed at his own hand.  It felt like he had a serious sunburn.

"Oh my God, Dean," Sam breathed out as he caught a glimpse of Dean hand.  "Dean, don't look," Sam pleaded with him.  The skin was charred black.  The ring finger around which the amulet cord had been wrapped was burned down to the bone.  "Cas!" yelled Sam, not realizing that Cas was already right there, he'd been so focused on Dean.

Dean did as Sam told him and tried not to look. "How bad is it, Cas?" he asked.  "I can't feel anything."

"You can't feel anything because your nerve endings have been burned away," Cas said matter-of-factly.  "I can heal you," Cas confirmed, "but I cannot replace something that is no longer there," he said quietly.

"What's missing?" Dean asked, finally turning his head to look and immediately feeling a wave of nausea upon getting a glimpse of his mangled hand.

"You are going to lose a finger," Cas said flatly.  "But everything else will survive." 

"What about Sam and Ben," Dean said, grimacing.  "Help them first."

"Restoring life is difficult," Cas said with a characteristic understatement.  "I have limited power left."

"Help Dean," Sam insisted.  "Ben and I will be okay."

"No Sam," Dean started.

"Dean, quit being a fucking martyr!" Sam raised his voice. "You're hurt worse.  Cas is going to help you first."

"I agree with your assessment," Cas chimed in.  "You and Ben may have to heal without me if I'm not strong enough."

"It's okay, Cas," Sam said reassuringly, "We're okay.  Just please help my brother."  Sam rubbed the underside of his jaw with his good hand.  It was smooth and unscathed.  "Lucifer?" Sam asked aloud to Austin who sat about two yards away, holding Nick's body.  Sam realized suddenly that he could, obviously, hear again. Dean's voice had been the first thing he'd heard.

"Nick and I," Austin said, drawing in a ragged breath..."it's over," he said vaguely.

Sam wanted more details, but he had Dean to worry about.  He turned back to Cas.

Cas nodded and placed his hands on Dean's wrist.  Light began to emanate from beneath Cas' palms and Dean roared in pain.  "I am sorry Dean," Cas said, "but you are feeling your nerve endings coming back to life, it will be over soon."

Dean gritted his teeth and broke into a sweat, but he trusted Cas, and soon enough, the pain subsided.  Dean rubbed his healed hand.  Well, healed minus 2/3 of his ring finger.  Everything above the lower knuckle on that finger was gone.

"Do we get to call you 'stumpy'?" Ben asked, smirking.

"Shut up," Dean responded, smiling.  "Thanks, Cas," Dean said with sincerity.

Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder as Dean started to sit up, "I accept your thanks," he said, looking intensely into Dean's eyes. 

"Okay, we gotta take care of these two," Dean said, looking over to Sam.  "We need to get to a hospital."

"We only need a drug store," Sam said, "just some bandages."

"Bullshit," Dean replied.  "Sam, your damn SKIN is hanging off your hand, you need a hospital.

"Castiel?" came a quiet voice from a few yards away.  Everyone turned to look.  Austin was still cradling Nick's lifeless body in his arms.  "Can you help him?"  he asked with sincerity.

Cas' expression softened.  "I am sorry.  I cannot," he said.

"Is it because you think he's a demon?" Austin asked, anger starting to rise.  "Because you think he's not worth saving?  After we helped you?!"

"No, Jesse," Cas replied softly.  "It's because Phoenix inhabited a vessel who was already dead.  Phoenix, Nick, your friend was destroyed by Lucifer.  And this vessel was been dead ever since Phoenix entered him."

Austin knew Cas was right.  The body he was holding was already starting to darken, much faster than it should have.  He gasped as he witnessed the deterioration and quickly stepped away from all that remained of what he thought had been his friend.

A gurgling sound drew everyone's attention to a spot about 30 feet past Austin.  "Oh my God," Sam said, suddenly remembering, "Adam!"

Sam staggered to his feet and stumbled towards Adam's crumpled body.  Adam was alive, but struggling to breathe, and in incredible pain.  He looked so much older than he had when Michael had been inhabiting him...as if the centuries he spent in the cage were real years as far as his body was concerned.

Adam couldn't speak.  He could not turn his head and could not move.  Only his eyes moved and followed Sam above him.  Sam grabbed Adam's limp hand and squeezed.  Adam blinked deliberately in acknowledgment.

Sam realized he had tears in his eyes again.  "I am so sorry," he said through tears.  "You're our brother.  You didn't deserve any of this.  I want the chance to actually BE brothers." 

Adam blinked again.  Sam realized that the blinking was an attempt at communication.

"Maybe Cas can help you," Sam said quietly.  "Maybe he can heal you."

Adam deliberately blinked twice.  Sam looked him, confused. "Don't you want that?" Sam asked.

Adam blinked twice again.

Then Sam remembered what Adam had wanted.  Why he agreed to let Michael in in the first place.  "Do you want to see your mom?" Sam asked quietly.

Adam blinked once. 

Dean had finally managed to make his way over to Sam's side, leaning heavily on Ben.  He fell to his knees next to Adam.  "It should have been me down there.  You took my place.  This is on

me and - "

Adam blinked twice.

"He's saying 'no', Dean," Sam said softly.

"What?" Dean asked, his frayed emotions getting the best of him as he looked up at Sam with desperation.

"He's talking by blinking," Sam said.  "Two means 'no'."

Dean looked back down at Adam, stunned, "Yes, this is on me," Dean began again.

Adam blinked twice.

Sam put his hand gently on Dean's arm as Cas materialized next to the group.

"I can hear his thoughts," Cas told Sam and Dean matter-of-factly. "Adam wants to you know that he made his own choices.  He doesn't blame you for what happened to him."

Adam blinked once.

"Well, he _should_ blame me," Dean said, tears burning his own eyes now.

"He does not," Cas said.  "Adam is in a lot of pain right now.  I think it might be time to say goodbye, so I can help him."

"I don't want to lose a brother," Dean admitted, taking a deep breath and looking away to try to get it together.

"He knows," said Cas, "but you'll all see each other again some day."

"This is what you want?" Sam asked Adam directly.

Adam blinked once.

Ben, scared to approach someone who looked so bad, suddenly stepped forward.  Dean looked up, "Adam," Dean said in a broken voice, "this is your nephew Ben.  He killed Michael."

Ben could almost see a slight hint of a relieved expression wash across Adam's face. 

"He thanks you for freeing him," Cas said to Ben.  Ben could only swallow and nod.

"I, I wish I could have the chance to get to know you," Ben said to Adam.

"He would have liked that too," Cas spoke for Adam."I think it would be kind to help him now," Cas said, looking from Dean to Sam and down to Adam.

Adam blinked once.

Sam took one of Adam's hands with his uninjured hand and Dean took Adam's other hand.  Ben knelt down and put an arm around Dean's shoulders.

"Are you ready?" Cas asked Adam.

Adam blinked once.  Cas paused as if listening.  "He says he knew you'd come for him," Cas said.  "He says he'll tell Dad all about it."

Sam and Dean just squeezed each of Adam’s hands harder.

Cas gave a small nod.  It was time.  Adam turned his eyes to the sky.  Cas put a hand on his forehead and light shot from Adam's eyes.  The light made a beeline to the heavens.  Sam and Dean and Ben watched in awe as the light wound skyward until it disappeared from view.

When they looked back to Adam's face, they saw only his burned out eye sockets, smoke rising from the black holes.  Dean pulled off his jacket, laying it over Adam's body.

"He's in heaven now?" Ben asked Cas.

"Yes," Cas responded.  "He answered the call of an archangel.  He will be treated well.  He should be reunited with his mother at any moment - "

Just then a brief but blinding ray of sunshine burst through the clouds.  It only lingered for a second, then was gone. 

Sam and Dean exchanged looks.

"We need to get a shovel," Dean said with resignation.  They had to bury what was left of Adam.

"I want to do it," Ben responded.  "He was my uncle."

Dean nodded silently.

 

 

 

79.

On the trip home, they stopped for food.  Ben offered to let Austin ride with him when they left the cemetery, but Dean shot him down.  Austin just shrugged, too spent to argue or protest though he would have preferred to ride with Ben.  Instead he passed out, asleep, in the back seat of the Impala for much of the trip. 

Everyone sat at the diner, eating in silence, pretty much just trying to process everything that had just happened.  Ben looked over at Austin, "Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

"Why don't you tell me?" Austin responded sarcastically.  "NOW do you guys think I'm okay?"  He gave Sam and Dean a slightly disgusted look.

"What I meant was - " Ben started.

"I know what you meant," Austin said.  "I did what I did because it was the right thing to do.  But I lost the best friend I ever had so you'll excuse me if I don't feel like celebrating.  The only person who believed in me is gone and I'm left with all of you, still looking at me like maybe you'd like to put me in handcuffs just to be safe."

Sam sighed.  "Look, Austin," he said, "I gotta admit, I believed Cas when he told us that you were the only one there who had faith strong enough to bring us back.   Thank you."  Sam reached his hand across the table. 

Austin cautiously reached out and shook it.  "Like I said, it was the right thing to do."

Dean suddenly spoke up, "Why didn't he get to you?" he asked Austin with a tinge of suspicion.  "How were you strong enough?"

Austin was irritated at Dean's tone at first, but then it dawned on him.  Dean was jealous.  He couldn't believe that Austin..Jesse...the Antichrist had been able to somehow deny his true nature.  Austin let out a breath, "I didn't do it alone," he said, looking down.  "Nick chose to stand with me.  I don't know what would have happened if he'd sided with Lucifer.  I was only able to do what I did...to resist it...to push it away...because I had someone fighting next to me."

Sam and Dean exchanged glances.  Austin had just voiced the narrative that comprised most of their lives.  They couldn't argue with that.

"But you were supposed to be created to do what Lucifer wanted," Dean pressed.  "How come he didn't have you by the balls from the get-go?"

Austin leveled his gaze at Dean.  "From what I understand, you, of all people, should know that destiny isn't set in stone.  Was it easy to not go to him?  To Lucifer?  When he called me, all I wanted to do was to go.  Going to him felt like the most perfect and right idea in the world.  It took everything I had in me," he paused and swallowed hard, "and everything Nick had in him to keep that from happening."

"I don't buy it," Dean said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Was it part of the plan?  Hell, you might be doing what Lucifer wants right now."

"Would Nick be dead if it were all part of some plan?" Austin asked bitterly.

"Maybe that was part of the plan too," Dean responded.

"Fuck you," Austin shot back.  He was upset.  He didn't swear that often.  "I can't fucking believe you.  After everything that just happened, you still think I'm the enemy?  Believe me, there was NOTHING in this for me.  There IS no fucking plan!"

"Hey," Sam interjected, trying to diffuse things a bit.  "I know you're pissed," he said to Austin.

"Yeah, so what?" Austin responded.

"Notice anything?" Sam asked.

Austin looked at him like he had two heads.  "No, I don't 'notice anything' other than this jerk sitting across from me," he said gesturing at Dean.

"Oh, Ouch," Dean said mockingly.

"You're mad," Sam pointed out, "and the plates aren't moving."

Austin gave a surprised huff.  "Yeah, I guess you're right," he admitted.

"Why don't you come back with us," Sam said suddenly.

"Sam, are you out of your fucking mind?" Dean asked incredulously.

Sam held up his hand in Dean’s direction, "Hang on," he said, "we wouldn't be here if Austin hadn't stepped in."  Dean looked away, irritated, but he knew Sam was right.  "So let Austin come back with us and we'll just make sure he's not...not what he used to be."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Dean asked.

"I'll work with him," Sam offered.  "Just to make sure that his powers, or whatever, are weaker.  Then he can go back to school."

Austin perked up momentarily.  "That's all I want," he admitted.

"Do I get a say in this?" Dean asked.

"We can vote," Sam responded.  "Everyone in favor?"  Sam and Ben held up their hands.

"Awesome," Dean said, rolling his eyes. 

Austin looked at Sam, the Ben, "Thank you," he said.

"It's literally the least we can do," Sam responded.

"I could think of less we could do," Dean commented.

Austin looked at Dean with a stony expression.  "You know, I feel sorry for you.  You just don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?" Dean asked, not backing away from Austin's stare for a second.

"You can choose to be fueled by hate.  I'm guessing you've been fueled by hate a lot," Austin surmised.

"You don't know shit about me," Dean responded.

"I know enough," Austin said, leaning back in his seat.  "But you always have a choice.  You're only an alcoholic when you decide to take a drink.  So whatever I'm 'meant' to be, it's still my choice which way I go."

Sam raised an eyebrow and looked at Dean who scoffed.

"You know it's true," Austin said.  "You always have a choice.   It's what you love that always wins.  You love the darkness, then that's going to win.  You love the light, the light's going to win."

Dean did his best to outwardly look like the thought it was a bunch of schmaltzy crap.  Inwardly, he hoped it was true.  If it were true, maybe he could actually keep everyone he loved safe.

"So you want me to believe that the Antichrist had enough faith in Jesus to do what no one else, not even an angel of the Lord, could do?" Dean asked. 

"Just because you don't believe in something, just because you've never seen it or felt it yourself, doesn't mean it doesn't exist," Austin said pointedly in Dean's direction.

"Just think of all the stuff you've seen that no one else would ever believe," Ben reasoned to Dean.

Dean wasn't going to give in, but, to himself, he admitted they made sense.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sam agreed they weren't going to bring Austin back to the bunker.  They'd set him up at the motel down the road and he'd spend a few days working with him to see how powerful he still was, or wasn't.  Then Austin would go back to school.

When Ben offered to let Austin ride with him the rest of the way, Dean responded, "Whatever."

It was probably the only thanks Austin was going to get from Dean.  At least that's what Ben took it to mean.

 

 


	17. HOME (part 2) chapters 80-82

80.

Lisa and Walker were waiting outside the door after they got Sam's call that everyone was on their way home.  That one word, "everyone", was all they needed to hear. 

They didn't realize that "everyone" included Ben.

Mary rolled up first.  The Impala rumbled to a stop right behind the Mustang.  Ben got out of his car and ran to Lisa, hugging her.  Lisa was in shock.  Wasn't Ben supposed to be tutoring at the school?  I mean, he'd just e-mailed her back that morning.

"Ben?" she sputtered, "What are you doing here?"

"I had to help, mom," he replied, still hugging her as she tried to push him away.

Dean blew past the two of them and headed into the bunker.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Hey, man," Garth got up from the table to head towards Dean, "welcome home, it's so good - "

"Garth, I'm sorry," Dean said tightly, "I just need a minute, okay?"

Garth felt like he'd been slapped, but could see that Dean was most definitely not okay.  "Uh, yeah, sure," he said as Dean walked past him, "we'll catch up later!" he called to Dean's retreating back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Sam locked eyes on Walker as soon as he stepped out of the car.  She drew in her breath.  Sam had some deep bruises starting to form around one eye and his split lip was swollen.  His right hand was thickly wrapped in bandages.  But there was something else. 

Sam had a single-minded intensity that she'd never seen before.  Like every fiber of his being was focused.  On her.  She thought that he looked like he was missing something.  (She would later realize he was missing the hesitation and the worry.  They were completely gone from his face.  The distractions.  It made Sam look like a different person from the Sam who had softly kissed her goodbye before hitting the road a few days earlier.)

She ran out to meet him and he put his strong hands on either side of her face and brought her mouth to his.  He kissed her with such intensity that she could feel warmth, and more than a little wetness, spark between her legs.  Sam guided her hand to him.  Jesus, he was already rock hard.  He gasped in a small breath at the touch he had insisted on and said in her ear, "Now, come on," as he hauled her behind him, down the stairs and to his room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
"Oh God, Blue," was all he could say as he locked his bedroom door behind them and hurriedly undid her shirt.  This kind of urgency on Sam's part was new.  "If you want me to stop, you're going to have to tell me," he whispered to her, "but God, I need you," she nodded in return, trying to decipher this new version of Sam.  He hesitated for one second. 

"I want it too," she said directly.

Then all hell broke loose. 

In a good way.

Walker found herself stripped out of her clothes.  Sam's jeans were off and she was flat on her back.  Sam hooked an arm under one of her knees and lifted it up, exposing her completely.  In the next second he was over her, pressing, hot and urgent, into her wetness as she yielded.  She brought her other leg up to attempt to better accommodate him and she gasped as he entered her without any foreplay. She completely trusted him and so didn't resist when he grasped both her wrists in his good hand and held them, pinned, above her head as he buried himself inside her, all the way to the base, over and over until she couldn't hold back much longer.  But Sam wasn't there yet.  He'd get close, then slow down for a second, then speed back up.  It was driving her crazy and somewhere, through the overwhelming haze of pleasure, the thought occurred to her that this was Sam, totally in control.  Maybe for the first time in a very long time.  He needed more than release.  He needed to be in control.  He was bringing her, and himself to the edge, only to pull them back at the last second.  When she opened her eyes to look up at him, she was surprised that he wasn't lost in the sensation, with his eyes closed, as he had been all the other times they'd made love.  No, his gaze was fixed on her, a slight sheen of sweat on his shoulders. "Please, Sam," she managed to gasp out, "I need to, please let me."

Sam smiled through the exertion and she could tell that she had guessed right.  She had just given him the control he was asking for.  He let go of her wrists long enough to roll one hard nipple between his fingers and he felt her open and then close down around him as she screamed out and came, soaking him all over again.

He kept up the pace as she contracted again.  Too spent to scream this time.

"Oh yeah," Sam breathed out.  "So beautiful," he said hushed, before giving one final, incredibly deep thrust and groaned as his body stiffened, then relaxed.  She felt him release inside of her in a flood of warmth.

Walker held on, legs wrapped around him now, as he dropped his head down and she ran her hands through his hair.

"I've never needed anyone....like that." Sam admitted

"It's okay," Walker responded.  "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.  I love you."

Sam responded by gently tilting up her chin and kissing her with a softness that was the exact opposite of what she had just experienced. 

"That was intense," Walker said, breathing hard. 

Sam raised an eyebrow at her.

"Intense-good," she clarified, smiling.

Sam smiled back, "Yeah, it was," he agreed.

She thought she might like this version of Sam. 

 

 

 

81.

Dean slumped, exhausted, against the wall of his bedroom and slowly sank down until he was sitting on the floor.  He put his head in his hands. 

The door flew open and Lisa stormed in.   She was pissed.

"I cannot believe you put Ben in that kind of danger," she seethed. "What the fuck were you thinking?!"

Dean looked up at her, exhausted.  "He wasn't supposed to be there, Lis'," he said weakly.

"But he WAS there," Lisa went on.  "You said he would be safe."

"I know what I said," Dean responded quietly.

Lisa was a bit confused that Dean wasn't getting into a fight with her.  She was so angry; terrified that Ben had been in such a dangerous situation.  She WANTED to fight with Dean, but he wasn't taking the bait.

"Look Lis'," Dean said, not meeting her eyes, "Ben is an adult.  I can try to stop him, but he has to make his own choices."

"Not when they're bad choices," Lisa shot back.

Dean finally looked up at her.  "Well, his bad choice is the reason that I'm alive right now."

"What?" said Lisa.

"Michael; he had me by the throat.  Ben killed him," Dean said.

Lisa looked stunned.  "But...how?"

Dean actually managed a small chuckle, "He shot him with an archangel blade that Cas gave him; loaded into the crossbow.” Dean shook his head slightly in disbelief.  "I don't know how he made that shot.  He was, like, half a mile away."  Dean didn't reveal the fact that Michael had actually succeeded in killing him.  Now was not the time.

"You mean Ben wasn't right there?" Lisa asked.

"No," Dean responded, "I didn't know he followed us.  But he was cautious.  He didn't barge in, guns blazing.  You should have seen him Lis'," Dean said, unable to hide the pride in his voice, "He was careful.  He was smart.  He was everything I'm not."

Suddenly, Lisa was on her knees on the floor next to Dean with most of the fight gone out of her.  "I just assumed you involved him without telling me," she confessed.

"Well, I don't blame you for thinking that, with my history," Dean admitted, "But everything Ben did was something he did on his own."

Lisa suddenly put her arms around Dean and buried her face in his neck, inhaling deeply.  "I was just so scared," she said quietly. "You and Ben are my life.  If anything had happened - "

"We're okay," Dean said hugging her back tight.  After a few minutes she loosened her grip on him and sat back down on the floor next to him heavily.  She went to lace her fingers through his and, "Oh my God...what happened to your hand?!" she exclaimed.

"Cas patched me up, but he couldn't save it," Dean responded. 

"But how'd it happen?" Lisa persisted.

"Lis'," Dean took her hand and looked into her eyes.  "It was bad.  I'll tell you about it, I swear I will, I just don't know if I can do it right now."  Dean thought he might not be able to give her the unadulterated version.  Ever.  But he'd tell her as much as he could.  When he was up to it.

"Okay," Lisa responded.  "You're here.  You're okay.  Ben's okay. Sam came home.  That's all that matters."

"Jesus Christ, Lis'," Dean said, putting his free hand over his face. His shoulders heaved a bit.  "I didn't know if I'd make it back this time, and just when things are this good..."  A tear fell on his lap through the hand over his eyes.  "All I wanted was to come back to you.  To our family."  He couldn't stop it now.  "I didn't give a shit about winning," he confessed, "I just wanted to come home."

Lisa wrapped her arms around him. "You made it back, babe. You're here.  It's going to be alright," she reassured him.

This was Dean letting go.  Letting go of the guilt, of the responsibility, of the crap from his past.  He was tired of needing the control.  So tired.  Control was all he knew, but...he felt Lisa's arms around him and pulled her close, holding her tight as he put his head down on her shoulder and just let it go. 

Lisa rubbed the back of his neck and let Dean cry.  She knew he needed this from her.  He needed to be able to be this vulnerable in front of her.  He needed to be able to loosen the reigns.

When the wave of emotion started to subside, Dean wiped his face on his sleeve, slightly embarrassed. 

"I love you," Lisa stated, looking deep into his red-rimmed eyes.

"I love you Lis'," he replied.  "And I'm getting too old for this shit."

Lisa cracked a smile and Dean gave a small smile in return.  "I know you'll always be a hunter, but I hope this is the last time you plan to mess with archangels.  Or Lucifer."

"Oh, it's definitely the last time," Dean confirmed.

And it was.

 

  
  
  
  


 

82.

It had been three weeks since they put Stull Cemetery and the mound of dirt on Adam's unmarked grave in their rear view mirror.  Sam couldn't remember a time when he'd slept this well in his life. There were no more nightmares.  No more Adam's name ringing through his head at 2:00 am.  He felt unstoppable.

But Dean wasn't quite his usual self.  He seemed distracted.  Preoccupied.  Sam wondered if, with the crisis averted, Dean was now stressing over marrying Lisa.  Sam had tried to talk to him, but Dean blew him off.

At the end of the third week, Dean said, "Hey, Sammy, take a drive with me, would ya?"

"Um, okay," replied Sam.  "Where are we going?"

"We're just going," Dean deflected the question.  "Come on."

"Should I pack anything?" Sam asked.  "Should we tell anyone?"

"Naw," replied Dean.  "We're not going that far."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About 20 miles down the road, Dean pulled off into an empty rest stop.

"Have to pee already, old man?" Sam teased him, but then Sam turned to face Dean and he could see that this wasn't meant to be a joyride.

"I gotta know something," Dean said.

"Okay?" Sam responded.

"Jesus, how do I even start?" Dean said to no one in particular.

Sam began to get a little worried.  What did Dean want to know?

"Okay, I'll just say it," Dean said.  "Back at the cemetery.  Sam, I died."

"I know," Sam responded quietly.

"Oh, yeah, I guess you saw that," Dean said.

Sam looked away.

Dean continued, "When I was out, well, I uh, I talked to Chuck."

Sam snapped his head back to look at Dean, "Chuck the prophet Chuck?!" he asked, incredulously.

"Well, he said he wasn't Chuck, but he looked like Chuck," Dean explained clumsily.  "He said he took Chuck's form so that he wouldn’t freak me out."

"Dean; Jesus, Dean, did you...did you talk to God?" Sam asked in a hushed voice.

"No, maybe, I don't know," Dean responded with irritation.  "It could have been my brain hallucinating as I was on my way out."

"But maybe it wasn't," Sam prodded.

"Fuck, I don't know what it was, Sam," Dean replied.  "But when I was talking to Chuck, I asked about you...if you were okay.  He told me that your injuries were, what'd he say, 'grievous', but that you'd survive.  What was he talking about?"

Sam shifted in his seat.  "He must have been talking about my hand," he replied.  "I had a pretty wicked burn."

"I don't think that's what he meant," Dean pressed. "What'd you do, Sam?"

"Look, Dean," Sam said.  Dean wasn't going to like this.  "Lucifer was coming at me.  Austin and Nick were giving it all they had, trying to push him back into the pit, but they were only slowing him down.  I had to distract him, break his concentration, so they had a chance."

"Cas already told me all that," Dean replied.  "But when I asked what happened to you, he wouldn't tell me.  Said I had to ask you myself.  Why wouldn't he tell me what happened,?"

"When you say 'yes' once, they have all-access pass to you forever," Sam tried to explain.

"Know that," Dean cut him off.  "Michael, remember?"

"Uh, yeah," stammered Sam.  "Guess you know that."

"What'd you do?" Dean was starting to raise his voice.

Sam was going to have to tell him.  "I couldn't let him wear me.  And you were GONE Dean.  You were just...gone," Sam looked away again.

"What'd you do?" Dean repeated.

"I shot myself, okay?" Sam said is exasperation.  "I had to distract Lucifer."

"What, like you shot yourself in the leg or something?" Dean asked.

"No, Dean, I, I uh, I ate my gun," Sam admitted.

"YOU WHAT?!" Dean yelled.

Sam was worked up now.  Who was Dean to criticize?  He hadn't been the one left without his brother, "I fucking pressed my gun to my jaw, Dean, and pulled the fucking trigger because....I can't do this without you," Sam responded angrily.

"What are you talking about?" Dean replied, brow furrowed. "Sam, you can do anything in the world you want."

"I guess I have to spell it out for you then," Sam said, voice rising, "I don't fucking WANT to do this without you, okay?!"

Sam expected Dean to unload on him.  For giving up.  For not going down fighting.  For choosing to leave their family and friends.  For throwing away the life that Dean had spent so many years protecting.

But there was only silence.

Sam slowly looked back to Dean, wondering where the shitstorm went.

Dean was looking at him intensely. 

"I don't want to do this without you either," Dean replied.

They looked at each other for a minute. 

"Come here, bitch," Dean said, and Sam scooted over and accepted the hug.  He hugged him back.

"Shit, that was close," Dean said, voice low.

"Yeah, I know," Sam responded.

"I'm sorry I left you," Dean said with sincerity.

"Not like you can stop a fucking archangel," Sam replied, finally pulling away.

Dean looked thoughtful.  "Ben stopped him," he said simply.

"Yeah," said Sam, smiling.  "That was pretty fucking amazing.  Killing an archangel on your first trip out?"  Sam gave a low whistle.  "No one does that."

"I know," replied Dean.  "So, you thinking 'one and done' for Ben?"

"I dunno, Dean," Sam replied honestly.  "He's good.  He's smart too.  He's like you and me put together."

Dean smirked.  "Yeah, I guess he kind of is.  Which is why he can't be a hunter.  He's gotta go to school."

"Walker's on it," Sam reassured him.  "He's going to go to college Dean.  He's gonna kick it in the ass."

"Yeah," Dean smiled proudly, "I know he will."

They sat in silence for a moment.  The silence was broken by Dean firing the Impala back up.

"So," Dean asked, "do you think Austin is going to be able to toe the line?"

Sam looked thoughtful.  He'd spent a few days with Austin, trying everything he could think of to see how much juice he had left in him.  It wasn't much.  Without Nick around, and with Lucifer locked up tight again, just as Sam and guessed, Austin's powers were minimal. "He's pretty much like any other kid right now," Sam surmised.

"Yeah, but what's to stop some other demon bitch from dropping by his school and making him an offer he can't refuse?" Dean asked.

"Austin's got his head on straight," Sam replied.  "He knows it's up to him and, well, you heard him at the diner, he knows that the only way he can stay out of it is to choose to stay out of it."

"Do you think he's always going to choose right?" Dean asked.

"I can't answer that," Sam admitted.  "But he's going to be okay.  At least for now," he finished rather ominously.” We’ve left others alive before, Dean," Sam reminded him, "And we owe Austin a hell of a lot more than any of the others."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Dean agreed.  "But it makes my skin crawl...knowing a kid with that much power, someone that a billion evil sons of bitches would love to get their claws on, is out there walking around right now."

"I know," Sam acknowledged, "but he's strong and as long as he stays strong in the right way, we'll never have to deal with him again."

"Here's hoping," responded Dean cautiously.  "Except that he and Ben seem to get along pretty well."

"Yeah, I noticed," Sam replied.  "But maybe that's good...maybe that will help Austin stay focused.   I mean, Ben's never going to encourage him to go dark side; maybe he'll help him resist."

"I'd rather he didn't have anything to do with him, at all" Dean admitted, concern lining his face.

"Do you think they'd really keep in touch when Ben goes to college in the fall?”Sam wondered aloud, “Ben and Austin?"

"I hope not," Dean replied.  They knew that any contact with Austin was really up to Ben.  They also knew that if anything even started to look like it might go south, they'd be there to protect Ben in a second. They sat together in thoughtful silence for a minute.

"Sam?" Dean asked, before throwing it into reverse.

"Yeah?" responded Sam.

"Don't you ever even think about ending your own life, you hear me?"

"You too," Sam responded.  "I don't care how bad it gets Dean.  Ever.  We go down fighting together or we don't go down at all, deal?"

"Deal," responded Dean, squealing the tires out of the rest area.

As they pulled back onto the 2-lane highway, Dean said, "Hey Sam?"

"What?" Sam said, not really paying attention.

"How does someone miss when they are trying to fucking shoot themselves in the head?"

Sam looked at Dean smirking.  Figures Dean would joke about suicide.  "I didn't 'miss', asshole."

"Oh, don't get me wrong; I've never been so Goddamn thankful that you're such a lousy shot."

"I'm a great shot, jerkwad," Sam responded, also smiling now. "You know Cas healed me...I didn't miss."

"Put your money where your mouth is then," Dean taunted him.  "When we get home, you and me, at the range...I bet $100 I can beat you."

"Do you HAVE $100?" Sam asked sarcastically.

"Shut up," Dean responded.

"Hey, Dean," Sam said after a few moments went by.

"What?"

"Can we try to not die fighting anytime soon?" Sam asked. 

"Yeah," Dean responded. "I'm kind of enjoying getting laid all the time.  It's pretty awesome."

Sam broke into a grin.  "Yeah, me too," he admitted.  "You know it's not just about getting laid though, right?  Me and Walker."

"I know," Dean responded.  "Even a blind guy could see that you love her."

Sam smiled quietly in wordless admission.  "That obvious, huh?"

"It is to me," Dean replied.  "But I think I know you pretty well."

Sam nodded, smiling quietly to himself.  Sometimes it infuriated him, but mostly he loved that Dean knew him so well.

"Hey, you wanna grab some food, Sammy?" Dean asked.  "Maybe that place that has those stupid huge salads that you love?"

"You mean the same place that has the chocolate pie with the caramel sauce that I think you said was 'better than sex'?" Sam asked.

"Aw, I love it when you talk dirty to me, Sammy," Dean joked with him.

"Shut up," Sam laughed.  "That's what, like an hour away?"

"Yeah, about that," Dean confirmed.

"I'll call home," Sam said, "let 'em know we'll be gone a little while."

Dean sat there thinking about how weird it was that they had a home.  A home that felt like home.  With people there they loved.  Loved enough to report in to and not feel like they were reporting in.  Suddenly he said, "I don't wanna check out anytime soon, Sammy."

Sam nodded in agreement, "Yeah, me neither."

"Good," Dean said quietly.

 


	18. HOME (part 2) chapters 83-86

 

83.

May 2, 2020

"Happy Birthday, Sammy," said Dean.

Sam was helping Dean clear the dishes from the table.  Sam smiled.  "That dinner was awesome," he praised Dean.  Lisa, Ben, and Walker had disappeared to another part of the bunker, making Sam a bit suspicious about what they were up to.

"Maybe if you're a damn rabbit," Dean teased him.  It was the one day of the year when Dean lowered himself to fixing salad and side dishes that included more vegetables than cheese. 

"Were we eating the same dinner?" Sam asked, "Really, it was amazing."  And it had been.  Dean's slow-smoked chicken, green salad, homemade bread, and several vegetable-based casseroles had left Sam feeling completely satisfied.  On top of that, Walker's bakery training resulted in the most amazing dark chocolate cake Sam had ever tasted.  He was glad there was a piece of it left.  If Dean didn't get to it first, he hoped to share it with Walker later.  He could already picture her soft, full lips closing around his finger, licking the icing off...Sam silently vowed to clear the table as quickly as possible.

As they carried plates to the kitchen, Sam heard Dean say as he followed behind him, "So...37...Jesus Christ, you're almost 40."

"And how did 40 feel for you LAST YEAR?" Sam teased Dean.

"Shut up," responded Dean, but he chuckled.  "No, seriously, there's something I think you should have," Dean said as he set the dishes down on the kitchen counter.

"I thought I said no presents this year," Sam said suspiciously.

"C'mon, Sammy," Dean almost pleaded, "there's something I want to give you."

"Um, okay," said Sam cautiously.  He was half expecting some kind of prank from Dean.  "It's not more homemade underwear, is it?"

Dean laughed, "No, but you have to admit, that was a good one....the look on your face..."  Dean trailed off, chuckling, remembering Christmas two years ago.

Sam smiled at the memory himself.  It was pretty amazing that there were so many memories from the past couple of years that made him smile.

"Let's go," said Dean suddenly.

"But, the dishes..." Sam protested.

"Leave 'em," Dean responded.  "To hell with 'em.  Let's go."

"Go where?" asked Sam, but Dean was already halfway down the hall and Sam had to jog to catch up.

They got out to the garage.  Everything looked the same.  Sam looked at Dean questioningly.   Dean was smiling really big now, like he couldn't wait.  Like HE was the one getting the present. Dean reached around behind a small shelving unit and hit some kind of lever.  A large section of the floor at the far end of the garage started to lower. 

Sam looked at Dean in surprise, "What the fuck?  There's a room UNDER the garage?" Sam asked in amazement.  "We've lived here all these years and I never knew that?!"

"Yup," said Dean who now appeared to be almost bursting with pride  "Told you this place was the fuckin' bat cave".  There was a faint, far-away rumble and then silence except for a barely-audiblevoice yelling, "Okay!"

"Thanks!" Dean yelled back at the unseen voice.

"Was that Ben?" asked Sam.  Ben had insisted on coming home from college for Sam's birthday.

"Yeah; he's helping me out," replied Dean and threw the switch the other way to raise the floor back to ground level.  "Okay, now, close your eyes and keep 'em closed."

Sam sighed, not really trusting that Dean wouldn't do something to him while he had his eyes closed, but he did as Dean asked.

Slowly, a car appeared, though Sam couldn't see it yet.  A classic beauty.  It was both sleek and curvy.  Beautiful and menacing. 

Sam heard something jingling behind him.  "No peeking," admonished Dean.  "Now put out your hand."

"You do know this is my 37th birthday, right?  Not my 9th?" Sam groused.

"Shut up and put out your hand," Dean repeated.

Sam held out his hand and felt a couple pieces of jangling metal fall into it.

"Okay, open your eyes," Dean said as he stood behind Sam.

Sam looked down.  Keys.  That much he had guessed.  But keys to...holy shit.  Sam looked to the far end of the garage.  "Fuck, Dean, you got me a CAR?!"

Dean beamed.  "Well, I didn't so much get it as build it."

Sam turned to Dean dumbfounded.  He didn't know what to say.  They had never gotten each other anything this big. 

"You're 37," Dean teased, "It's about time you had your own set of wheels."

Dean just about had the breath squeezed out of him by Sam’s intense hug.  Sam had never been big on material possessions.  And Dean was the one who had the love of all things automotive.  To Sam, cars were usually simply a way to get from one place to another.  They never fit him right.  Mostly they irritated him.  But Jesus, Dean BUILT this for him. 

"You like it then?" Dean asked when he could get a breath of air into his lungs.  When Sam didn't say anything Dean continued talking close to Sam's ear.  Sam was still hugging him.  "Look, I know you never fit in anything because you're a giant freak of nature, so I found something that’ll work, and I modified it a bit, and it's a car that you might actually get laid in once in awhile instead of some SUV piece of crap which is probably the only other thing that would ever fit you.  But I can't have my brother driving something he can't get laid in."

Sam reluctantly loosened his hold on Dean.  "Oh my God, when did you even have time..." he asked, trailing off in disbelief.

"I've been working on it for about 3 years," Dean admitted.  "I grab some time here and there...ever since I figured out there was a second garage below this one."

"I wanna know everything you did to this car," Sam said with awe, knowing Dean was practically dying to tell him.

Dean's smile was huge.  He put his arm around Sam's shoulders and said, "Come on, I'll show you."

They walked down to the car.  It was even more amazing up close.  Midnight blue; almost black.  Gleaming like it just rolled out of the showroom.  Just enough chrome, but not too much.  Dean knew Sam wasn't much for bling. 

"Whatcha got here Sammy is a '71 Boat Tail Buick Riviera GS.  I found the body when I was picking up a part for my baby in a salvage yard and it's such a huge land yacht, I just thought there's no way your sasquatch legs wouldn't fit in here.  C'mon; get in.” Dean held the door open.  "See how it feels."

Sam slid in.  He couldn't remember a time that he didn't have to fold up his legs when getting into a car. 

It fit like a glove. 

He could put his legs out straight and the steering wheel wasn't too far away from him.  Sam could hear Dean continuing with the tour...souped-up engine, it'll do 140 no problem, Charlie helped him wire it for hands-free phone and Sam could play whatever crap music he wanted just by sending it to the stereo from his tablet, even though Dean had no idea in hell how to do that because all a car really needs is a tape deck, but if Sam wanted to be all new-agey he'd have to get help from Charlie...

Sam looked up at Dean.  Dean was taken aback by how serious he looked.  "What is it Sammy?" Dean asked, "Something wrong?"

"No, Dean, it's amazing.  I just can't believe you did this for me.  And the seats..." Sam trailed off.

Dean didn't know if Sam would notice but his heart twisted in his chest that he did.  "Yeah, I figured your ass was so used to the bench seats in the Impala, it probably wouldn't know how to sit on anything else, so I put 'em in...same ones that go in a '67 Impala.   Plus they're great for gettin' some action and now that you have a girl, well..."  Dean winked at Sam.

"Get in," said Sam suddenly.  "Hit the door."

Dean didn't have to be asked twice.  He pulled the lever to open the overhead garage door and slid into the passenger seat.  They smiled awkwardly at each other at the weird role-reversal.

Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean, "Let's see what she can do," he said as he floored it and they roared out of the garage.  Dean let out a whoop. 

It was an awesome birthday.  Sam never thought he even cared about having a car.  But this car was a little piece of Dean, and Sam cared about having that.  A lot. 

Plus, it was an incredibly sweet ride.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

84.

August 20, 2020

Sam and Ben went with Dean and Lisa down to the courthouse.  (They wanted to get it done before Ben went back to college in a few days.)  Dean had just wanted to have Cas do a ceremony.  Who better than an angel of the Lord to join two people together?  But Sam convinced Dean that he owed it to Lisa to do it right and do it legal.  This actually might be one of the few officially legal things Dean had ever done.  Dean groused about the paperwork, but it wasn't that bad and he knew Sam was right. 

Sam and Ben signed as witnesses and slid the paper over to Dean.  Dean was trying to find the right line he was supposed to sign when something caught his eye.

"Witness #2: Ben Winchester"

Dean blinked.  He looked up at Ben who had a slight smile. "Sam?" asked Dean, still looking at Ben.

"Yeah?" responded Sam absentmindedly.

"This has to be legal names, right?" he questioned.

"Of course, you idiot," said Sam, "so don't even think about signing 'Robert Plant'."

Dean slid the paper back over to Ben.  "You heard the man," said Dean.

"That is my legal name," said Ben, smirking slightly.  "I changed it a week ago.  Mom and I had a talk," he said, sharing a knowing glance with Lisa.  "It was my decision.  I wanted to do it on my own."

Dean spontaneously broke out into a huge smile.

"I know this is a completely fucked-up family," said Ben, still smiling, "but it's my family."

Dean rubbed his hand over his face from his forehead to his chin.  He really hoped Ben couldn't see that he was barely holding his emotions back.

Ben saw.He nodded back at Dean in unspoken understanding.

Lisa reached out and grabbed Dean's hand on one side and Sam's on the other, giving both a squeeze.  Sam looked at her, slightly caught off guard.  She smiled at Sam.  This was going to work.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Can you help me out?" Dean asked Garth nervously when they were back in the bunker after filing the paperwork down at the courthouse.  He told Garth the idea he had for Lisa's wedding ring, but he had no idea who could make something like that.

"No problem," Garth smiled big.  "I know a guy who knows a guy.  I got this, man."

Dean smiled and slapped Garth on the back.  "I owe you one," he said.

"Aw, don't mention it, bro," Garth smiled sheepishly.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Four weeks later, Garth pressed a small box into Dean's hand with a secretive grin.  Dean opened it.  It was perfect.  A band of leaves, but in the voids between the leaves, every single void made up some kind of protective symbol.  A regular person would never notice it, but it was exactly what Dean wanted for Lisa.

Dora casually strolled up behind them and peeked over their shoulder.  Dean slammed the box shut.

"That's a beaut," Dora observed.  "I love the symbols," she winked at Dean.  "Maybe you have some taste after all," she smiled.

Dean went to give Dora a light punch to the arm which she easily dodged.

"What about you, stumpy?" Dora asked, gesturing at Dean's drastically shortened ring finger, "Whadda you gonna do for a ring?".

Dean frowned.  "I thought I'd have to wear one on a chain around my neck, I guess," he admitted.  He hadn't really thought about a ring for himself.

"I've got a better idea," Dora said.  "Just come see me about a week before you're going to do this; this wedding thing," she said.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dean told Lisa he cut the stump of his finger in the kitchen.  He had it wrapped in a bandage for about a week. 

"It must have been a bad cut," Lisa said suspiciously.  "Sure you don't need stitches?" she asked.  "Or Cas?"

"Naw, it's okay," Dean blew it off.

 

 

 

 

85.

"Do you, Lisa, take this man, Dean, to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Cas asked Lisa with a small smile.

"I do," Lisa said, staring into Dean's eyes, her own eyes, and his, shining.

"Then please take Dean's left hand," Cas instructed. 

Lisa looked at him questioningly.

"Remove the bandage," Cas instructed.

Brow furrowed, Lisa followed Cas' instructions and drew in her breath.  Though Dean's ring finger was only about 1/3 as long as it once was, what was left was encircled in the most delicate tattoo Lisa had ever seen.  A copy of the ring she now wore.  Only permanently inscribed on his skin.   Dora beamed as she stood next to Sam.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a great night.  They were sitting around the table with everyone they cared about, all drinking in earnest and making toast after toast to Dean and Lisa.  Even Jody made the trip, saying she needed to see Dean Winchester getting married with her own eyes in order to believe it before quietly taking Dean aside to tell him that she wouldn't have missed it for the world.  She had to be there to represent Bobby.  Dean hugged her so tightly he almost squeezed the breath out of her.

Lisa could see that Dean was loving it.  He looked happy; relaxed. He was joking with Jody and teasing Sam and making lewd comments to Dora that were making Charlie simultaneous blush and gasp for air because she was laughing so hard. 

Finally, Lisa leaned in and whispered, "This is great, but what does a girl have to do to get fucked around here?  I mean, I married your ass...what more do you want?"

Dean tried to choke back a laugh.  He pulled Lisa close, "I thought you'd never ask," he said, leaning down and kissing her to the chorus of hoots and hollers from everyone around the table.

Dean and Lisa finally excused themselves from the rest of the group who were, at that point, mostly completely toasted.  Sam loudly protested their leaving the party until Walker elbowed him in the ribs and gave him a pointed look. 

"Oh, yeah, um, congratulations you two.  Have a great night," Sam said sheepishly.

"Will do, Sammy," Dean replied, quickly leading Lisa down the hall to their room.

 

 

 

86.

"Oh my God," Lisa said when she pushed open the door.  The place was awash in candlelight.  "Dean, did you do this?"

"Are you kidding me?" Dean asked, wrapping her in his arms. "This has Charlie written all over it; I had no idea."

"Remind me to thank her - " Lisa said, cut short by Dean's lips on hers.

Dean looked down at her and smiled.  "Now, I know it's your first time, so I promise I'll be gentle.  You know, your wedding night and everything."

Lisa playfully swatted him as she burst out laughing.  "You had better not be gentle!" she exclaimed.  She expected a laugh in return, but when she caught Dean's eye, there was nothing there but lust.

She knew what would drive him crazy.  She slowly began to undo the lacing on the back of her simple white dress.  The one that fit her perfectly and showed off the shape of her breasts and her hips.  As it fell to the floor, revealing the thong and corset top underneath, she could see that Dean's dress pants definitely weren't doing anything to hide his desire for her.

"Jesus, Lis'," Dean breathed.  "You are so fucking gorgeous."

Lisa lowered her head and smiled up at him; just the way she knew he found irresistible.  She walked over to him and slowly began stroking him through his pants.  Dean looked up at the ceiling and groaned loudly.

"Good?" Lisa teasingly asked.

"Fuck, yeah," Dean responded. Inadvertently thrusting up against her hand.

Lisa undid his pants and he greedily removed her thong.  Lisa loved how sexual Dean was.  So gorgeous.  All the more so when he was so hard, wanting her so badly.  Trusting her implicitly.  She kissed across his chest, pausing the give him a mischievous look as she slowly teased a nipple with her tongue.  She was rewarded with an "Oh God, Lis'," as she got a hand around his impressive erection.

"I dunno know how long I'm gonna last," he admitted.  Lisa was stroking him exactly right and just looking at her, he was about to lose it.

"Get over here then," Lisa demanded in a low voice and Dean groaned as she let go of him and settled on the edge of the bed.  She suggestively spread her knees as she let her own hand snake down her body.  She inhaled sharply at the first touch from her own hand, "I don't know how long I'm gonna last either," she replied.

A minute later, Dean was on his back, hands on Lisa's hips as she straddled him and drove down hard onto him over and over.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Lis’,”Dean could barely form the words as the pleasure started to overtake him.

"Harder," she pleaded, which drove Dean out of his mind.  Lisa's breasts spilled out of the corset from the force. The bed shook. Then Dean shook as he came hard into Lisa.

"Yes!" Lisa leaned forward and found Dean's lips so she could have his tongue in her mouth as she came.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A couple of hours later, Lisa woke to the smell of candle smoke as a few of the candles had begun to burn out.  She felt, and then heard Dean behind her in their bed, his breath coming quick, his cock rubbing up against her ass.  Wordlessly, she brought one knee up and whispered "Yeah, baby," as he groaned and pushed in from behind while wrapping one arm around her waist; holding her still as he moved inside her.  "Okay if I help?" Lisa whispered.

"Please," Dean breathed, "you know I love it when you do that."  

Lisa smiled to herself and reached down, matching Dean's rhythm as she insistently caressed herself and couldn't help but moan a little.

"Oh, God, Lis'," Dean whispered into her ear.

She felt his pace pick up.  "That's it, baby," she whispered back, "come on, come for me."

Dean shut his eyes tight and let go. Flooding her with heat.  He kept moving inside her as she rode him out and then let go herself.

Lisa didn't care if she never got a full night's sleep again for the rest of her life.

 


	19. HOME (part 2) chapters 87-88

October 5, 2020

87.

"Hey, Dean, you got a minute?" Walker asked when they were the only ones clearing the table.  Everyone else had gone out back to enjoy the perfect October weather.  Dora and Charlie and Scarlett were spending the weekend and Garth had agreed to come down too in order to make it a party.

"Sure, Blue," Dean responded, "Whaddya, need?"

"Well," Walker looked suddenly agitated and uncomfortable. 

Dean could always read people well.  This was not the confident Walker he was used to.  "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she responded.  "Actually, things couldn't be better."

"So what is it then?" Dean asked.

"I um," she stammered, "I want to marry Sam."

Dean smiled.  "I'm pretty sure he's not going to be opposed to the idea.  But you know, you could get someone way hotter," Dean teased.  "I still say you're out of his league."

Walker chuckled, then got quiet.  "I mean, I want to ask Sam to marry me."

Dean gave her an amused look.  "Blue, are you asking me for my brother's Goddamn hand?"

"I don't know what I'm doing, but yeah, I guess I wanted to ask you," she replied.

Dean didn't have to think for a second.  He walked over and hugged Walker to him.  "Sam would be the luckiest bastard on earth," he said, putting his chin on the top of Walker's head. "Well, the luckiest bastard aside from me when Lisa agreed to marry my sorry ass."

"You have a fine ass," Walker said before she could stop herself. 

"Well, thanks?  I think?" Dean replied, smiling at the compliment.

They both laughed as Walker broke the hug.

"I know it's not traditional," Walker said, "but I've never been much for tradition, or for waiting, so, I'd like to ask him tonight."

"I think that's a great idea," Dean said.  "Hey, hang on," Dean said as he disappeared into the back of the bunker headed for his own room.

Walker stood there wondering what he was up to.

"Can't propose without a ring, right?" Dean asked as he reappeared.  He placed a plain gold band in Walker's hand.

"Where'd you get this?" she asked. 

"It was Dad's," Dean said quietly.  "I know he and Sam fought like dogs, but that's only because they were so much alike.  I think Sam should have this."

"Thanks, Dean," Walker said softly.  She hadn't really thought about needing rings until the actual wedding sometime down the road.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later that night, when everyone had just sort of naturally congregated around the long table for some coffee, Dean stood up and tried to get everyone's attention.  "I think Walker has something she wants to say," Dean winked in her direction.

Walker smiled and stood up.  She got in front of Sam who was sitting down, and got down on one knee.  She took his hand.  Sam briefly gave Dean a confused look.  The fact that Dean was smiling like an idiot didn't explain anything.

Walker said simply, "Matrimonio?"  (marry me?)

Sam broke into a grin and totally ignored Dean's voice in the background asking them to use English for once instead of being such Latin geeks.

Sam replied in Latin: "You know I'm already married to you here", putting a hand on his heart.  Sam continued in Latin "I have been ever since Montana".

Walker smiled and nodded and felt herself starting to get a bit uncharacteristically choked up.

Suddenly, Sam reached into the pocket of his jeans.  He continued in Latin:  "I'll say 'yes' if you'll say 'yes'," and he opened his hand to reveal a smooth silver ring crowned by a deep red garnet.

Walker literally sat back on the floor.  She and Sam hadn't REALLY talked about it.  She had no idea.  More Latin: "Oh my God, Sam...when were you - "

(In Latin): "I planned it for tonight," Sam admitted, "Garth had the ring made about a month ago."

Walker turned briefly to Dean, "You knew?!" she accused him.

Dean laughed and ignored her accusation.  "I don't know what the fuck you guys are saying to each other," Dean complained.  "You wanna share with the rest of the class?"

"I'm saying 'yes'," Sam said hauling Walker to her feet, pulling her onto his lap and kissing her to a round of applause and a loud whoop from Dean.  "Me too," Walker confirmed when she'd had a chance to catch her breath.  Sam was a great kisser.

"It's official then," Sam said, sliding the ring onto Walker's finger. 

"It's beautiful Sam, I love it," she said,  "and I've got one for you."

Sam looked amused.  Walker took the gold band out of her pocket.  Sam took one look at it and immediately looked at Dean. "That's Dad's," Sam said seriously.  "You told me the hospital lost it."

"I thought they did," Dean replied.  "But I found it in Dad's coat and decided to hold onto it."

"I can get you something else if you don't want to wear this one," Walker said, worried.  She knew about Sam's relationship with John, but she also trusted Dean. 

"No, no," Sam said softly to Walker.  "There's nothing I want more than this.  And I'm not just talking about the ring," he pulled her to him.  She hugged him tight as Sam and Dean exchanged looks over her head.  “Thank you for this," Sam mouthed at Dean, glancing down at the ring on his finger as he said it.  The ring actually fit him.  More than that, it suited him. 

 

 

 

88.

December 31, 2020

Sam sat looking down at the new ring on his finger.  The new old ring.  Even though he'd been wearing it for a few months now, it still felt a bit new to him.

"It had to be yours," Dean said, following Sam's gaze.

"I never thought I wanted anything from him, you know?" Sam admitted.  "But I miss him.  I wish he could've seen you get married.  I wish he could have met Blue...and Ben..."

"Me too," Dean agreed.  "He was a bastard, but he was our bastard."

"Yeah," Sam huffed out a rueful smile.  "Shit, Dean, she wants to MARRY me.  Me," Sam trailed off, sounding totally amazed.  Like it hadn't sunk in over the past few months.

"You're worth it, you idiot," Dean said.  Sam heard his own words to Dean reflected right back at him.  "She couldn't do better.  You know that, don’t you?"

"I don't always getit right," Sam admitted.  "I've fucked up a lot."

"We do the best we can, Sammy," Dean said forcefully.  "That's all we can do.  And God knows why these women love us like they do, but we had better have the sense to shut up and not question it, if you ask me."

Sam smiled, "Yeah, I guess you're right," he said.

"Of course I'm right," Dean replied.  "Happy New Year," Dean said to Sam, holding up his glass of whiskey.  Sam clinked his own glass against it.  The rest of the family hadn't made it to midnight. They'd all had a long day and the others had fallen asleep from the hour and the whiskey...sprawled around on various couches and armchairs.  Sam and Dean were the only ones still up.

And then it dawned on Sam.  "Holy shit, Dean," he said.

"What?" Dean asked.

"You know what happened this year?" Sam asked.

"Could you be more specific?" Dean replied.

"No one died," Sam said.

"Naw, you're shittin' me," Dean scoffed, looking skeptical.

"Think about it, Dean.  Really.  No one that we know or helped died this year," Sam shook his head slowly in disbelief.As far back as Sam could remember, there had never been a year when someone they knew or met or helped or loved hadn't died.

"Well, then, I'd say it was a really good year, Sammy," Dean said, raising his glass again and waiting for Sam to click his own against it.

"It was," agreed Sam.  "Really good."

Maybe it was because they were another year older.  Maybe it was because they felt like they had more to lose now, now that it wasn't just the two of them trying to endlessly sacrifice themselves for each other to prove how deep their love went.  Maybe having Lisa and Walker to come home to kept them from taking so many unnecessary risks.  Or maybe, just maybe, the people around them who loved them had finally started to make Sam and Dean believe that they were worth loving.  That just maybe they deserved better than the grisly hunter's death they'd always assumed awaited them.

There were going to be plenty of chances...to get injured, to die, to suffer unimaginable loss, to completely and totally fuck everything up.  Again.  Sam and Dean had a hard time letting themselves enjoy anything because they knew, if history was any indication, the winding road of their lives generally veered towards misery.  But tonight, right now, here in this place, there was only warmth and laughter and people who loved them who were very much alive.  It was a room full of orphans, save one, but, to be sure, no one present felt at all alone.  Sam and Dean would risk anything and everything to hold onto this.  It was so rare and so valuable.

It was home.

 


	20. HOME (part 2) epilogue

Epilogue _(two notable entries from the bunker's record book that Walker gave Sam for Christmas)_

 

 

October 18, 2022

 

Today marks the birth of Bobby Ellen Ada Turner Winchester

 

Welcome to the world, kiddo.  I will never let anything happen to you.  You did good, Sammy.

Your Uncle Dean

 

Momma C says I can't show you how to use my slingshot yet.  But I will when you are older.  I love you.

Scarlett

 

I wonder if you'll end up as tall as me and your dad.  Good luck with that.  I'll always have your back.

Ben Winchester

 

My Daughter -

You are the miracle of my life.  Your mom and I will love and protect you to our last breath.

Your Dad,

S.W.

 

To my perfect daughter -

I can't wait to watch you grow to become an amazing woman.  I didn't know I could love this much.

Your mom

Walker Turner Winchester

P.S.

I wish your grandparents could have met you.

 

I told your grandparents about you today.  I also told Ellen.  Ellen was happy that you have her name (Bobby is too and Adam appreciated the "Ada").  Ash is giving Ellen, John, Bobby, and Rufus a round on the house (whatever that means) and they all can't wait to meet you, though they hope it's not for a very very very long time.  I will watch over you.

Castiel, Angel of the Lord

 

 

 

 

 

June 2, 2043

Dad and I graduated from Stanford last weekend.  Weird, huh?  I got a bachelor's in philosophy and he graduated law school. Dad says you used to have to live at college for all four years you went.  I don't know who could stand to do that.  I'm glad I don't live in the Stone Age like he did.  It WAS kinda fun to spend the mandatory six months on campus in California, but the rest I did online like everyone else does.  It's also required that you go to campus for graduation and EVERYONE insisted on coming. 

It's like I have four dads and four moms.  I have my real dad, then there's Uncle Dean  (he's the one with nine fingers and every time he tells the story about how he lost that one it's a different story. Probably because no one would believe what really happened), Ben (well, he's my cousin but he's so much older than I am that he's more like a dad), and my Uncle Garth.  You know how everyone has a weird uncle?  That's Uncle Garth.  He lived on a boat until it got so rusty it started to sink two years ago, then Uncle Dean insisted he come live with us.  He's a total sweetheart though.  I'm getting off track here.  My moms were all there too.  My real mom, then my Aunt Lisa, my Aunt Dora, and my Aunt Charlie.  Scarlett came too. She's like my sister. She taught me how to do all the important stuff (shoot, drive, kick a football, even put on makeup).  Well, my moms and dads think THEY taught me, and they did, but Scarlett taught me all that stuff first.  Don't tell anyone.

Everyone yelled so loudly when I walked across the stage to get my diploma.  It was completely embarrassing.  But I have to admit that I yelled really loudly for dad too when he went across.  Stanford even had him give a speech; he was first in his class, even though he’s older than a bunch of his professors.  I don't know what he's going to do with a law degree, but Uncle Dean could probably keep him busy.  He seems like he could use a good lawyer.

I don't know what I'll do next.  I've thought about maybe going for another degree and becoming a psychologist.  I'm still deciding.  Right now I just want to enjoy graduating.  I don't know where this road will take me, but I do know that I came from somewhere amazing.  I have the best family ever.

Ellen (Ellie) Winchester

writing from home

 

 

 

 

THE END  
 


End file.
